I lost it today and am at my wits end. Any suggestions?
A few weeks ago, ex's mom started her games again. So long story short, when his vehicle broke down, he walked to my house and I found him collapsed in my driveway. He had a heart attack and stroke and was in the hospital and now rehab. He has some short term memory loss and is having trouble putting thoughts into words, if that makes any sense. I am his decision maker because I will not prolong death and I am the only person who understands wanting to die or commit suicide rather than deal with his mom. He cannot make decisions currently. Also, our son is sensitive so it would be easier for me to cut cords than him.
Of course, his brother is not around and his mom was put in respite. Problem is they put her in an AL, rather than NH. The AL does not even have a full time RN nurse for all the care, especially wound care she needs.
I got home from teaching a class today and APS and the waiver nurse Annie were in my driveway. I called my lawyer who is out of town for the week. When I got out of the car, they started in about him being in hospital and they put me down as informal support at her request. I asked if they realized I was suing them and asked them to contact my lawyer and leave. They didn't so I started recording it.
As informal support (which, no, I am not), they want me to do wound care or drive ex to facility to do it. Also, she is violent and harassing to facility employees. Even though brother promised facility to pick her up several times, he just bails and has work say he's out of town, no suprise there. I stated several times, it is not my problem and gave them copies of the lawyer's letter.
I lost it, asked Annie if she has dementia, was dropped on her head as a child, or was just plain stupid. She tried to guilt me about the hallucinations, sepsis and death...oh, and me being abusive because I don't care and will not take responsibility.
I am laying down shaking and I do not know if it is a panic attack or just rage. I have hyperventalated once already. Since I can't get ahold of my lawyer, any suggestions?
If I’m remembering correctly, you recently replied to a thread that concerned a poster who asked for advice regarding chemical intervention - prescription medication- for her stress... or was it depression?
Anyhoo - you replied that during your time as a caregiver for The Nutjob Family, that you took medication to help you with the stress. Xanex comes to mind.
You also indicated that you no longer are taking anything so Im assuming it was a temporary solution - an “as needed” situation and solution.
How is taking pain medication really any different? Xanex for your ankle, per se. As well - is it really a whole lot worse or different than a few shots of Patron Silver?
Im certainly not recommending you
go all full-on Elvis, just a couple of pills to get you through the worst. A temporary solution.
In the same thread I referenced earlier you also commented on the stigma society places on mental health issues. Unfortunately- in my opinion society also places stigmas on individuals suffering from pain - be it temporary or chronic - and who want to treat it with medication.
I mean - not everyone becomes a junky, after all. And, you are way to smart a gal to allow that to become of you.
As always - just my own opinion. Smartassed or not.
Xanax is different than pain medication completely.
It is used for psychological conditions such as bipolar or depression.
So so not sure why she would take that for pain.
“Nurse Ratchet and APS Clueless Person:
As you are aware I am no longer responsible for any member of the _____ family. Not personally, emotionally or financially. I have made to aware of this fact on _X_ occasions: (list dates).
I have also made you aware that I am currently pursuing legal action against the ____ family. I have informed you of this verbally and in writing per a copy of my letter from Mr. Badass Attorney.
However, you continue to harass me and attempt to involve me in the medical and emotional care of (list of family members). As recently as of (list most recent event).
This is continuing to cause me great stress and is negatively impacting both my physical and emotional health.
If you attemot to contact me again regarding any member of the ____ family, you leave me no choice but to pursue legal action against you - including suing you and the entities you are employed by for emotional distress and physical damages in addition to harassment. I will pursue criminal charges against you as well.
If you feel you must pursue this matter further or have any questions I again direct you at to contact my attorney- Mr. Badass at 555-5555. Do not attempt to contact me further in any way.”
Sincerly, Tacy I. Done
cc: Badass Attorney
How can you be appointed temporary anything for a
person you are suing?
For that matter how can you be appointed anything - against your will - period?
im lost. It’s not like you’re an attorney working as a public defender. Or a person who works with the courts as a professional guardian...
Regardless - can’t your own attorney do something?
Pleeeze tell me you ARE NOT picking that crazy hag up.
Dirty is hallucinating and making accusations about a $1500 check being "forged" and spent from Prudential. I showed them my non involvement letters and harassment documentation and they didnt listen. I called the ex, had to pick him up to drop him off at the end of his driveway to meet the cops to show them the uncashed check and discuss her hallucinations. They came to the end of driveway, told me it was a misunderstanding. I told them, it was not a misunderstanding, she is crazy and I wanted to press charges for her filing a false report and harassment. They said it is too hard to prove due to her dementia. I lost it and told them she just cant claim dementia when it suits her.
I filed for a restraining order but it will most likely be non-enforceable on her because of mental status but the one against Annie will be enforceable.
Call the media.
I wanted to add that if you write this type of letter it would be good to send a copy to the work supervisors of nurse Annie and the APS person as well.
Its been my experience that when acting in a professional capacity - individuals who are crossing the line typically clean up their act when faced with the threat of possibly loosing money and/or loosing their job.
And - of course, make your attorney aware of any actions - such as writing law suit threatening letters - when he returns to work. He might not be overjoyed that you took matters into your own hands in his absence. But honestly, I can’t imagine it making matters any worse than they already are.
A side question: is there any way that this family is getting any sort of mixed message from you? Perhaps through your continued contact with your ex? The way they keep turning up in your life with their expectations of care is truly disturbing - or are they really just that stupid? Would going completely no contact with your ex be worth trying to stop this torment? I know he’s your sons dad and all but your son is an adult and should be navigating his relationship with his dad on his own - with this all causing you so much grief. Your son is likely much stronger than you think - after all, you raised him! Just a thought...
Alright, I am going to say some things that people will probably not like, but it is my honest and well intended opinion.
I read all you have posted here and two things are obvious to me, one is that you are definitely not well physically or emotionally, and you might be saying ‘tell me something I don’t know!!’ , but I really don’t think you’ve truly realized how deep your health problem is. Nobody should let a crazy situation progress to the point where you are shaking in bed, throwing up, bleeding..and with all the respect and empathy, you are not even making clear sense. This whole thing does not make sense Tacy, and I’m afraid that yes, it is true, you’re dealing with unstable and codependent people...but I honestly think you are enabling them!
How do I know? Because your ex came to your house looking for help, your ex mother in law is saying you are her caregiver in the absence of her son, and someone from the distance appoints you for something you’re not even aware of until after the fact!...I mean, something sounds completely off here. On top of that you keep taking on responsibility by having the lady moved, you even went to her house!...Do you see? You are an integral part of the problem Tacy, unless I am missing something huge here.
As far as I know, legally THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT OBLIGATES YOU TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING RELATED TO THAT FAMILY. Period. The lawyer is advising you wrongly I’m afraid.
If I were you I would have sent a letter like the one someone suggested. -Done.
You are appointed something? How? Not legal without your consent. - Done.
Your husband is in rehab? No, you cannot pick him up or help him in anyway..- Done.
Your son is sensitive? How a sensitive person will react to having his dad barely surviving a heart attack and stroke AND losing his mother? Yes Tacy, to me you sound like your body is screaming saying that it is at a breaking point..will you let that happen?
I also perceive you are so fed up with all this that you complain and talk a lot about the problem but don’t do enough to solve it!, now, what you should do (sorry, don’t get mad or offended..
Trust me, I mean well. I hope this wakes you up!).
I’d encourage you to change your approach and stop acting as the victim of all this madness and instead become someone that can calmly yet firmly get a hold of the situation and control it!! At this point you’re like a mouse running around in a maze in whatever direction they point you at, that has to stop for your own sake and your son’s. Stop, take ten steps back, look at the situation (you have all the details that we don’t) and realign your strategy. There is no need to yell at people, or strangle them (although tempting sometimes!) to get the situation under control.
Cool down, breathe, exercise, eat well, regain your focus and stay home. You need to work on getting the situation under control. I don’t think going away is really a solution. Not even a short term solution because you will keep the torment in your head. It does not help to go on vacation or even move to stop a problem, when the problem will go with us anywhere we go and will be waiting for us when we return each day, Oh, and yes, switch lawyers please.
The last thing I would do in relation to that family is to help that woman that is being wrongly accused of stealing. That doesn’t mean to get deeply involved, it just means to help providing with evidence, done. And that is just because it is the right thing to do.
You are not being abusive, you are standing your ground and you have every right to do so.