
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
There are two major reasons why you should avoid toxic/dysfunctional people: health and happiness.
🥰
"If you don't make the time
to work on creating the life you want,
you're eventually going to be forced
to spend a lot of time dealing with a life you don't want."
🌟❄️🌟❄️🌟
🥰
“People who come from dysfunctional families aren’t destined for a dysfunctional life.”
😉🙂
“I don’t always manipulate, lie and gaslight.
But when I do, it’s your fault.”
I absolutely love and enjoy caring for MIL. I get down sometimes when I hear people tell me to just to put her in a home. I suppose if it comes to that I will consider it, but right now I can't bear the thought of it.
I do not have any prior experience as a CNA or Caregiver so I appreciate all the helpful suggestions.
I'm glad your husband is the beneficiary. Don't put up with anyone's bullying. Bless you for caring for MIL so well. Yes, it is sad.
I am deeply saddened by relatives who are now coming out of woodwork telling us we need to sell the property (my husband is listed on the title as the befeciary upon her death). And they want their "share".
We haven't even seen him in years.
He doesn't call to see how she is doing on a quarterly or even bi-annual basis.
My husband and I uprooted our lives to care for her, put a new home on the property, which we help pay for. We cleaned up the property and have been providing 24 hr live in care for her. She is now suffering with end stage dementia.
Its just sad.
“Today, whatever is good for your soul, do that.”
🥰 here are some cute, wise words for today...
"I didn't realize who I was
until I stopped being who I wasn't."
boj - good ones, as always
Paul - no doubt your life is challenging, looking after your mom and yourself. I'm sorry you were denied medicaid,
yoda - that's quite a list of ailments! You have my condolences. One day at a time!
lostdaughter - what you describe certainly fits under dysfunctional families. My mother was mentally ill and we were brought up with strange biases too. My father died a long time ago. When I was caring for my mother, my sis did nothing to help but criticized what I was doing. I didn't expect her to help look after mother as historically she had never been helpful, so I didn't have any anger or recommitment about that. I was OK as long as she didn't interfere in a negative way. She did a couple of times and I cut communication down to a minimum.
It seems pretty common from what we read here, that one child gets the brunt of the caregiving, not that that is fair. However, it is your sister's choice to make for whatever reason. I could tell horror stories about my mother too, but I still made sure she had the care she needed as she aged. I did it from a distance and she went into an ALF then an NH. I couldn't have done hands on care.
If you can, accepting your sister's choice, and lowering your expectations of her will give you peace over this. And get as much help as you can to make your burden easier.
I don't know what your situation is, but please look for options so that you have more of a life for yourself. ((((hugs))))
Basically and realistically, my more complicated health journey is going to be a matter of the right self-care for the best symptom care or maybe even symptom delay for there are nor cures for narcolepsy, vascular parkinsonism, DDD, DISH back disease, mild neurocognitive disorder, not even a medicine like insulin for diabetes. Not complaining or looking for sympathy, just the facts for this is the way it is for me on this 13 day of November, 2025. I hope you all are doing as well as possible. Seek to continue onward with detached compassion in order to maintain one's own energy and what well being one has left. Nite!
a narc's attitude:
"I got 99 problems and you are all of them."
🙂
“If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow. Imagine what speaking kindly to yourself can do.”
(just kidding)
🙂
"Kill your enemies with kindness. Name your car kindness."
BOJ - good one
casole - perhaps more importantly, did you learn something from it?. Instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, do something interesting/beneficial to you. Plan anther cruise maybe? You can have the orange outfit!!! 💃 lol ((((((hugs))))
Worth the watch tho it may be upsetting (fair warning)
“When life gets tough and you’re faced with defeat,
remember somewhere in the world a flower is popping through some concrete.”
here’s a quote for us:
😉
Empaths be like:
"I got 99 problems
but 89 of them belong to other people."
"Just because today (or last week, or last month...) is terrible doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be the best day of your life. You just have to get there."
🥰
“If I promise to miss you,
will you go away?”
Thanks. I think they both knew I was on my last nerve bc Dad called me later to see if I wanted to come over there later than I usually do today (Yes) and said "thank you for everything" when I dropped off his prescription last night. And mom called to tell me she forgot to tell me how nice my haircut looked.
Because mentally I had gotten to the point if you're going to treat me like a hired CNA that's what I'm going to act like and not be emotionally involved with you people!!
Thanks for the support.
Soooo close to just telling them to hire someone and walking away. They have no effing idea how good they have it. Both of them. Tired.
Order or pick up a pack of womens depends. Open the pack. Leave 3 or 4 on table next to her bed and leave 3 sitting out in the bathroom.
No need to say anything. Just have them available and she can choose to use them if she wants when you are out.
Go visit friends, see a movie, go to church etc. You are entitled to a life.