I have two elders with dementia: my mom and my mother-in-law. They both will every now and then discuss plans or dreams they have that are completely beyond their current condition.
For instance, my mom — who is basically bed bound, but used to enjoy long road trips around the country — will talk to us about how she’s wanting to take a road trip now around the entire perimeter of the continental US, with our college-aged daughter driving. She had my dad print out maps and everything. She has to have the aides push and tug just to turn her on her side so she can get cleaned up. Getting her into the wheelchair is a two-person job. No way she’s going on that road trip.
But I find myself thinking maybe this is her way of emotionally compensating for the loss of function and mobility and wouldn’t there be some fun but limited way of simulating the experience? Just to allow her some degree of pleasure at this late stage of her life. Road trip themed party?
Has anyone ever done anything like this and if so, what did you do and how did it go?
God Bless you for trying to enrich your moms life.
You can respond to any talk of such things as this trip with sort of "real"-"not real" answers. Such as her showing you a map and some stops? Respond "Oh, I love those roadside attractions as well; if I ever get on Route 66 I would stop at the Dinosaur park". Just as though you are dreaming right along with her.
I often visit old places I loved in my mind, walk the land and look in my mind. Often dream of making again the trips I loved that for one reason and another I can no longer make: long hikes, walking the land we once had in the country, Paris and London and the Hill Towns of Italy.
We are imaginative creatures. We can travel in our dreams and plan for days in the "Land of What-If". I wouldn't either encourage or discourage. I would try to keep it lovely, but pull toward the side of reality, as mentioned above.
Just make sure someone is right next to her supervising, as SO MANY people (of all ages and abilities) have injured themselves “participating” in the VR experience.
For example, one day I ‘drove’ from Rome’s airport into the city to the Colosseum. I could turn and look at all sides of the streets along the way, and even get out and virtually ‘walk’ around inside the Colosseum.
I only have done this on a computer or tablet, but it might also be possible to use a wifi enabled Smart television.
Many years ago I showed my dad his childhood apartment and high school that he walked to in the 40s. I was able to show him the exact path he took.
Thanks for the reminder.
Now this translates to hours of catalogue shopping and orders she wants to place. We sit and make lists and I queue it all up in the cart while she tells me what she wants to make to go with it, and what shoes or belt she will buy. Or the Mexico trip when she will wear that bathing suit.
Honestly it makes me squirm a little when I lie and tell her the items were sold out, or backordered, or not in her size. Every once in a while she picks something that will work in her current life and I jump on it! I tell myself it gives her joy, and there is no value in telling her she “can’t” wear the items. My discomfort doesn’t begin to compare with the grief she feels for the vibrant life she misses.
So I say YES! Find a way to nourish her joy. You’ll feel good about it too. Great suggestions for you from everyone here.
We got one for my mom's 90th birthday (BEST gift ever) and filled it up with photos of kids and grandkids, and we continue to email new pix all the time. What we found she loved most were photos of her history, herself and special events in her life, triggering memories and stories. The dress she made for that high school reunion, all the family wedding gowns she made, the entire wardrobe for a play, the hat she made for her mom, christening gowns, and more. It's a great conversation starter for visitors.
This is the one we got and there are many other choices:
https://a.co/d/3XZ9S0M
you are an awesome daughter. You can act as if you are planning for a family trip, may be awhile because everyone has to take time off at the same time. Good luck to you.
would it be possible to take her on a short road trip by hiring a caregiver for the day?
I also love Google Earth. I am an Air Force Brat so I love visiting areas where we used to live to see what it looks like today. I know this is not what "Goddatter" was proposing, but I'm saying this in case someone else thinks it would be good for their LO to visit the past. Problem is, sometimes it looks so different because landmarks I remember are no longer there... it is sad, but I don't have dementia so I accept it and am not confused. For that reason, unless you know the neighborhood hasn't changed much I would not recommend going into the past.
Visiting a new place is a fantastic idea "Goddatter" suggested. My husband now has Lewy bodies involved in his Parkinson's related dementia. He no longer can separate reality from what is on TV. He already loves the travel shows so I am sure he would love "visiting" places he chooses.
Whether your mom has the issue my husband has or not, it still would be fun to plan a "trip" using google earth and maybe have some appropriate refreshments along the way!
We often watch our streaming church services on our Roku TV by pulling it up on an ipad and sending by Wifi to the TV. In fact, on occasion, my husband felt he was there to the point he would only whisper to me during the service. Once he raised his hand to ask a question and I simply said ask me and I will find out the answer. I guess he felt he was in a classroom at the time. Another time he wanted to move closer to the back... when we attended in person we always sat on the back row in case he had to go to the bathroom.
Thanks "Goddatter" for that wonderful suggestion of using Google Earth!
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