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I have two elders with dementia: my mom and my mother-in-law. They both will every now and then discuss plans or dreams they have that are completely beyond their current condition.


For instance, my mom — who is basically bed bound, but used to enjoy long road trips around the country — will talk to us about how she’s wanting to take a road trip now around the entire perimeter of the continental US, with our college-aged daughter driving. She had my dad print out maps and everything. She has to have the aides push and tug just to turn her on her side so she can get cleaned up. Getting her into the wheelchair is a two-person job. No way she’s going on that road trip.


But I find myself thinking maybe this is her way of emotionally compensating for the loss of function and mobility and wouldn’t there be some fun but limited way of simulating the experience? Just to allow her some degree of pleasure at this late stage of her life. Road trip themed party?


Has anyone ever done anything like this and if so, what did you do and how did it go?

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My advice is to take her, along with a caregiver aide, on a day trip & she can stay in wheelchair 🦽..put her in diaper & chuck on seat cushion. Do you have an accessible van ? If not , a pass for access a ride? Which is like an ambulette for disabled people that they stay in wheelchair & just get put on vehicle & driver hooks them in! Good luck & hugs 🤗
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Reply to CaregiverL
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Youtube videos of different villages in Europe. I was able to pull up a video in Germany where my daughter lived briefly before returning home to the states. She was an infant when we left and got a kick seeing the villages. My ex was military.

There are different videos and also train rides going through different places in Europe. She should get a thrill out of seeing these. You can get travel brochures that she can look at to feed that fantasy.
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Scampie1 Jul 16, 2025
Also, how about posters with different scenes of various places she wanted to visit.
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Rick Steeves Europe on TV!
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Thank you for telling my mom’s story too! Your description of your mom’s condition and status is nearly identical to my 90 year old mom who is bedbound in a nursing home for 2+ years. But my mom’s “passion” is fashion, and this was her life’s work. She can describe dresses she made for herself at age 5, and for me throughout life, right down to the unique buttons (her trademark) with stories of her shopping adventures.

Now this translates to hours of catalogue shopping and orders she wants to place. We sit and make lists and I queue it all up in the cart while she tells me what she wants to make to go with it, and what shoes or belt she will buy. Or the Mexico trip when she will wear that bathing suit.
Honestly it makes me squirm a little when I lie and tell her the items were sold out, or backordered, or not in her size. Every once in a while she picks something that will work in her current life and I jump on it! I tell myself it gives her joy, and there is no value in telling her she “can’t” wear the items. My discomfort doesn’t begin to compare with the grief she feels for the vibrant life she misses.

So I say YES! Find a way to nourish her joy. You’ll feel good about it too. Great suggestions for you from everyone here.
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DMcD55 Jul 15, 2025
Also wanted to mention the electronic picture frames.

We got one for my mom's 90th birthday (BEST gift ever) and filled it up with photos of kids and grandkids, and we continue to email new pix all the time. What we found she loved most were photos of her history, herself and special events in her life, triggering memories and stories. The dress she made for that high school reunion, all the family wedding gowns she made, the entire wardrobe for a play, the hat she made for her mom, christening gowns, and more. It's a great conversation starter for visitors.

This is the one we got and there are many other choices:
https://a.co/d/3XZ9S0M
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Thank you for the idea. My wife is advanced alzheimer, but we are still blessed in that, although she can only say three words, she does, nevertheless, understand verbal conversation and laughs her head off watching Arcorn/Brit comedies which is proof she still receives and understands income-coming thought. Travel, around 2/3rds of the world was something we greatly enjoyed and planned each area before hand with study of history and culture. I will do the research on some we had planned to visit but didn't make it. I am sure her eyes are going to light up as they still do.
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@ Goddatter said: "I have found Google’s street view enjoyable for doing “trips” to places I am unlikely to ever go."

I also love Google Earth. I am an Air Force Brat so I love visiting areas where we used to live to see what it looks like today. I know this is not what "Goddatter" was proposing, but I'm saying this in case someone else thinks it would be good for their LO to visit the past. Problem is, sometimes it looks so different because landmarks I remember are no longer there... it is sad, but I don't have dementia so I accept it and am not confused. For that reason, unless you know the neighborhood hasn't changed much I would not recommend going into the past.

Visiting a new place is a fantastic idea "Goddatter" suggested. My husband now has Lewy bodies involved in his Parkinson's related dementia. He no longer can separate reality from what is on TV. He already loves the travel shows so I am sure he would love "visiting" places he chooses.

Whether your mom has the issue my husband has or not, it still would be fun to plan a "trip" using google earth and maybe have some appropriate refreshments along the way!

We often watch our streaming church services on our Roku TV by pulling it up on an ipad and sending by Wifi to the TV. In fact, on occasion, my husband felt he was there to the point he would only whisper to me during the service. Once he raised his hand to ask a question and I simply said ask me and I will find out the answer. I guess he felt he was in a classroom at the time. Another time he wanted to move closer to the back... when we attended in person we always sat on the back row in case he had to go to the bathroom.

Thanks "Goddatter" for that wonderful suggestion of using Google Earth!
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Reply to KPWCSC
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I like the idea of planning a trip. I know of one person who liked packing her clothes to go home. She liked having the tote bag in her living space. Since she was mobile we would put her luggage in the car and go for a drive.
Make it a fun day, ice cream stop or gas fill. They will probably tire out and be ready for a nap when you get back.
Remember not to remind them or ask them to remember the trip later.
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Reply to AnnetteDe
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My moms Hospice Nurse said they are using the thinks to put on some typ of Virtual Goggles for bed bound patients can make them feel like their doing the activity. Might be worth a try
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Reply to Soldier4Christ
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How about "planning" for the trip? Is she capable of that? You can both look at the maps and you can ask her where she would like to stop. Plan on not "driving" more than 300 miles per day. Then find out if she'd like to stay in a hotel (fancy or simple?), bed & breakfast or camp out, what kind of restaurant she would like to eat at or would she like to cook over a campfire, and what attractions in that town or city she'd be interested in. Engage her imagination. Don't be overly careful about being realistic. The planning process can take weeks. If it's not engaging her, just give it up and change the subject when she wishes for a long road trip. Make this a dream trip.
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My mother is in an AFH and doing well there. She's not been diagnosed with dementia but we suspect since aug 24 after a hip break and ruptured aeortic aneurysm, her cognizance went down hill fast. Her hovel of a hoarded and filthy old trailer is no more ( no, she doesnt know) and she talks about it less and less. She's never been one to have big aspirations, trips, adventures, substantial accomplishments to be proud of,.. ( I know this sounds sad, its just been hercway of life). My point to this is that I have a younger half sister who keeps her hopes up with talking of hosting a big party at my mothers residence when she goes home for an online ( what we all except Mom believe is a scammer due to past experience with this sibling)and so my mother calls me about plans for hosting this party. The whole thing is so FAR fetched there isn't enough time to write of all the idiotic things I'm having to deal with in regard to. I DO like very much the above posts regarding virtual reality trips etc. I wish I could entertain her with such things. She spent the last 23+ years collecting thriftstore nonsensical items, sitting watching hours of METV ( which she STILL does at the AFH.) reruns.. her interests of past besides, Horses and cars. Needless to say, I took scads of horse statues and model cars, and overall crap ,what wasn't broken and filthy, went to donation. Sorry to get on my own soapbox over how to keep a loved one happy, or content? IDK, very good suggestions in above posts. I appreciate this website much. The Best of Luck to you
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Reply to Littlewing65
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If you and she have the technical capabilities for it - iPad, tablet, notebook computer with internet - I have found Google’s street view enjoyable for doing “trips” to places I am unlikely to ever go.

For example, one day I ‘drove’ from Rome’s airport into the city to the Colosseum. I could turn and look at all sides of the streets along the way, and even get out and virtually ‘walk’ around inside the Colosseum.

I only have done this on a computer or tablet, but it might also be possible to use a wifi enabled Smart television.
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daughterofAD Jul 15, 2025
What a fantastic idea. I had forgotten about this.

Many years ago I showed my dad his childhood apartment and high school that he walked to in the 40s. I was able to show him the exact path he took.

Thanks for the reminder.
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Wishing and indulging in daydreaming are pleasant pastimes.
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Isthisrealyreal Jul 12, 2025
I agree. I often find myself daydreaming and it is a pleasant way to pass boring moments.
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I agree with some posters, indulge her hopes and plans by watching Ariel America as well as travel series.
you are an awesome daughter. You can act as if you are planning for a family trip, may be awhile because everyone has to take time off at the same time. Good luck to you.
would it be possible to take her on a short road trip by hiring a caregiver for the day?
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Reply to Lokione
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We all love to daydream and plan. You never rob "hope" from someone.
You can respond to any talk of such things as this trip with sort of "real"-"not real" answers. Such as her showing you a map and some stops? Respond "Oh, I love those roadside attractions as well; if I ever get on Route 66 I would stop at the Dinosaur park". Just as though you are dreaming right along with her.

I often visit old places I loved in my mind, walk the land and look in my mind. Often dream of making again the trips I loved that for one reason and another I can no longer make: long hikes, walking the land we once had in the country, Paris and London and the Hill Towns of Italy.

We are imaginative creatures. We can travel in our dreams and plan for days in the "Land of What-If". I wouldn't either encourage or discourage. I would try to keep it lovely, but pull toward the side of reality, as mentioned above.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Aerial America is an amazing series! My MIL watches this from time to time.
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Reply to CaringinVA
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How kind of you to want this for those with dementia in your life. Pictures are worth a thousand words. My dad didn’t have dementia, but he still treasured looking over pictures and videos of both places he’d been and others he’d never get to experience
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Watch Black Mirror: San Junipero on Netflix. The episode is all about nursing home residents being able to interact with others in a past time. The VR suggested is really your best present alternative that way.
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Suzy23 Jul 10, 2025
Yes, I was thinking the same thing. I once saw a documentary about experiments somewhere (Scandinavia?) in improving the lives of elders and one experiment was a kind of video game with a realistic steering wheel and a screen that was programmed with Google Earth maps. So they could “drive” anywhere they wished to go and see real-time projections of what it looked like today. Their old house, some dream tropical destination, etc.

at one point, a couple of years before his death, my dad talked a fair amount about wanting to see one house he grew up in. A few months later, I got a chance to drive him there — it would have been 5-6 hours, but he could have made it at the time. He had lost interest.
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Get a VR headset and search VR road trips on your favorite search engine. The are many.
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Reply to MyNameIsTrouble
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MissesJ Jul 15, 2025
Nice idea!💡
Just make sure someone is right next to her supervising, as SO MANY people (of all ages and abilities) have injured themselves “participating” in the VR experience.
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Ginny, there are some awesome aerial America videos available that would make for great time together that would entertain this dream.

God Bless you for trying to enrich your moms life.
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