What is the one thing that bothers you the most about caregiving?

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I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......

Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?

Answers 1 to 10 of 10
Top Answer
The loss of freedom. Having to be close by at all times and never getting a break.
No end insight
Not being able to "fix" what is wrong.
I have to agree with Marialake, the original poster. Mom is ABOUT MOM. Was she always like this? Probably. But she was more 'silent' about it because her and dad "understood each other" and got on well for 67 years. BTW, the man was brilliant, a saint in my eyes, a lighted soul who always helped and saw the best in others. He was truly exceptional.
So yeah. It's about her. Maybe at 91 I think it should be? I mean it's hard to think of others when you are close to the end of your life and alone, I guess. I try to put myself in her shoes. I am her "lifeline" literally sometimes to social interaction.

As far as the loss of freedom? That is probably right up there #1 with the sense of entitlement she has.

I know Ash has posted I am "destroying my family" by enabling mom and not stopping her and putting my foot down, but as an only child, it's easier said than done when I know for a fact that woman is alone in the world. The truly is. She relied on my dad so much that I bite off as much as I can chew, and sometimes more; and swallow.
I love her dearly, - we all only get one mom. There are days I wish I could be left alone. Days I wish I could take a vacation. Just days where I want to not be responsible. But in the future, I know those days will come.
And no, I don't feel I am destroying myself or my family. I know inherently that my love for her and my family is the glue. I'm the lynchpin of this family. I bitch a lot, and I come here to do it (thank you for listening) but there isn't much I would change in terms of forcing life changes on her at 91 (at least while she is coherent)...... still, yes I MISS MY FREEDOM.... but there is also a song... I can't remember the artist or the name of it, but it goes "Freedom is another word for nothing left to lose....."
They need us and there has to be something good in that.
What is the one thing that bothers you the most about caregiving?

My answer: It's like applying for a job where one has zero professional training, yet you are hired with no pay and no set hours.
Feeling like there is no honorable way out.
its not fair. they've lived their life, and i want to live mine! i don't want to be handcuffed to their needs, impossible, confused minds.
My mother looking to me to take most of the responsibility and making excuses for my siblings who supposedly cannot assume even some of the responsibility. Living too far away, cannot afford to take time off from work, unreliable transportation. I live an hours drive away, I take unpaid time off from work, but I do have my own car. BINGO I win the prize as the official caregiver due to being the most reliable convenience, at least in your mind, mom. Do you not realize that as you scramble to find people to help you in your own home, siblings are not stepping up to help and I am further distancing myself from being your chosen one.
In my case it is not the difficulties with mom, though naturally there are times I would love to just get the heck out. But those trips are to the grocery store.

What really makes this the most difficult is the attitude of other family members and the denial of the disease. Though denial keeps them comforted since they the do not see a reason to visit of assist in ways that would be helpful to me. For crying out loud, do not take mom to lunch, fill her up with sugar immediately after bring her home for me to handle the sundowning which is extremely difficult when that sugar crash happens.
Feeling under appreciated. A thank you or a pat on the back once in a while, would go a long way.

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