How do you continue to be a caregiver when your parent has always had some form of mental illness...in my case Narcissitic Personality Disorder. My mother has always suffered from this and now trying to be a more closely caretaker is bringing me down. No one is realizing I cannot take care of her by myself. She is crafty and her aging just makes is all much worse. More and more calls from neighbors to the police or paramedics with her stunts. They say she cannot be alone but I cannot tolerate to be around her. She refuses to go to a nursing home, so now trying to find someone who will at least come and check on her a couple times a day at least to give her her psych meds. There is no one to help me. I have been of work for almost a month on FMLA and it seems to be a waste of my time, since she can do many things by herself...(she just tore apart the patio cleaning it ...an 85 year old pushing and pulling couches and vacumns...) mental illness in an aging parent..HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When i moved her into my home it was the year i turned 50. I started remembering "things" from my childhood that i had forgotten. And not just my childhood but throughout the years.
Life was just plan horrid when she first moved into my home. Between her coming to terms with loosing her independence and her home, well, she didn't know how to handle this in a sensible way but only in her warped, paranoid way. And i reverted back to the way i had felt living in HER home all those years ago.
So i was almost a basket case.
That is when i earnestly began to pray for God to change me as i knew that she wasn't going to change. And that is when all the memories began to flood back. And so i realized that she wasn't a mean mom who hated me, but that she was mentally ill. And boy did that put things into perspective. i have been able to handle things so much better now.
My husband constantly told me "you are not that little girl anymore" and "this is YOUR house". And i began to take that deep into my soul and that was like a balm to the hurts and it strengthened me.
i read somewhere that if you had a bad childhood you need to go through a morning process in order to heal. I haven't done that yet but i know i need to. I think we all need to morn for the little girls we once were. We need to cry for those hurt, confused, lonely little girls. And we need to morn for the women that we never became. i know in my own life there was so much potential for greater things than what i accomplished. i am just a shadow of what i could have been. And so i need to morn for that and then put it away.
Knowing that my mom couldn't help herself i guess makes it somewhat easier to except. But it doesn't make the pain any less.
I think in time that we will be able to except ourselves as we are and thank God for our lives just as they are. I know that we are strong because of our pasts. And it is this strength that enables us to carry on. i feel so blessed to have you gal's. For the first time in my life i am able to talk about my mom. You gal's understand and so in talking about our feelings i think we are helping each other heal.
Remember to be kind to yourselves. Peace
That's not to say I do things for her. I'm the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain, managing finances and medical care. But in minimizing contact, I'm trying to preserve what's left of my health. In 7 months my blood pressure has skyrocketed (when I had no BP issues before). A benign cardiac condition has morphed into something malignant. Anxiety levels are barely manageable.
This forum has helped a lot.
Oh yes it is something else, she has driven me crazy most of my life and she is not done yet! Yesterday I found her in the garden pulling on plants that are okay instead of weeds....she could not stand that I was starting to take care of the garden and has to have her fingers always over mine. The other day I had a Home Depot bag and some merchandise and the receipt for a return she had the receipt all crumpled up and shoved inside the bag, good thing I found everything. If I don't want something touched I have to hide it from her. She will not go into a nursing home, she says I am trying to kick her out of her house. I went to an attorney and learned about Conservatorship as you have done. But that is a real mess, I am saving that for last. If she pulls another crazy disruptive stunt and not take her meds she's gone! She is sooo stressfull. I have been over there everyday for a month. I have run the whole gamut of phone calls and places and got to many dead ends. The only thing I have is a psychotherapist that comes every week to her..and they just bullshit talk...yeah that's helpful. A social worker who knows her whole story and some in home care help on tues/thurs 4 hrs a day...so let see. I set up her med boxes which she likes to play dumb about, but if she trips up again...it will be conservatorship. She is a very devious person inside, even though people think little old lady!
" I've lived with this my whole life and at times it's been h*ll. " Yes!
You are not alone - there are many here with this type of problem. ((((((((hugs))))))) to both of you.
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