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Surgery went well. Now he’s in a nursing facility for PT. I’m not sure how he’s going to recover enough to return home. I can’t care for him by myself. I’ve been doing this for years! We have no nearby family and I have my own health issues. I would feel so guilty leaving him in that home. Anyone else been through this?

During the 12 year long journey that I had I said to myself and others when I was caring for my Husband that "I would keep him home as long as it was safe"
By that I meant as long as it was safe for HIM for me to care for him and as long as it was safe for ME to care for him at home.

He fell and broke his hip and after rehab I did contact Hospice and found that he qualified.
With the help of Hospice I got all the equipment and supplies that I needed. this was the ONLY reason I was able to safely care for him.
Now I have to add...I am currently 71 years young. I think if I had to do now what I had to do in my 50's and 60's I could not do it.

Making the decision to place someone in a facility is one of the toughest decisions you have to make.
Can you manage caring for him if you have caregivers that will help you?
If your husband is a Veteran have you checked to see if he qualifies for any help from the VA? If he is a Veteran there are many conditions that may be classified as "Service Connected Disabilities" and that translates to a % and the higher the percentage the more help. If he is a Veteran check with your local Veterans Assistance Commission or your States Department of Veterans Affairs. (these two organizations will not charge for their service to look into this. You can also contact the VA and get the same info)
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Please, do not drive yourself into the ground anymore. His needs are extensive and require a team. His rehab placement is a blessing. It's time for both of you to let professionals do the heavy lifting so you can be a wife. You matter too
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Reply to JeanLouise
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If he can use a walker and get up after a fall, then you can probably continue caring for him - with extra help from others. If he refuses to use a walker, can not get up after a fall, and you are unable to help him up after a fall... then it is time to consider other options. Check your health insurance to see if he qualifies for home health aide or adult day program. If not, check to see what type of residential facility is covered. You may need to also consider if it is time for you to move into a place with more assistance as well.
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Reply to Taarna
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Dear Paw1961,
I've been on a Parkinson's journey with my husband since 2016 when he was diagnosed. He had several falls over the years. He was stubbornly "independent" of taking advice. Bumps on head, bruised tailbone, bruised arm. Then in 2023 he fell outside, hit his head on concrete sidewalk and was hospitalized for a small 7mm subarachnid hematoma. The Keppra he was put on to prevent any seizures (neurologist said it was protocol to be put on seizure meds to prevent seizure after any brain bleed, even though he didn't have a seizure) had a horrible effect on his mind and mobility. Within a little over a week after discharge home, he went from talking & needing help to transfer from bed to wheelchair (while wsiting for PT to start), to being completely incoherent and bedbound. It took almost 3 months to figure out the Keppra was the cause of this, (I was told it was the head injury or LBD) and start weening him off of it. His mind cleared, but after being bedbound for so long, 7 months of home physical therapy couldn't get him standing again.
I tell that story to caution that even seizure meds could have adverse side effects.
My hubby is a disabled veteran, so luckily he can get home health aid hours. It helps so much! They can do a bed bath, diaper change, hair wash, help with feeding, etc. I have them come daily to help with this. I can pay for additional help that the VA doesn't cover.
Currently, he is experiencing cognitive issues.
I tried to provide much of his care myself the first year in 2013, then I threw my back out 3 times during the second year in 2024. I should have a hip replacement in the future. I learned to ask for more help too late. I should have gotten more help from the start, but thought I could do it myself. I was 58 and hubby was 72 when his accident happened.
I suggest you Google local home care agencies in your area, get information on hours they can provide and their charge for care.
You can also contact Hospice and get him assessed. They can provide aid 2 or 3 times a week for bath and diaper change.
Talk with the rehab center's therapists and social worker. Explain your situation at home - your health, your home setup, your husband's ability or inability to do daily living tasks. If you absolutely cannot manage his care at home with help, then please don't feel bad about looking into placement in a nice facility.
I wish you the best.
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Reply to JanPeck123
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I’m in the same situation except that it’s difficult for me to support the financial burden that putting my husband in assisted living entails. Does anyone know of financial help we can get? We are not poor by all means but my budget will only last two years of assited living then what?
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Reply to Care2tu
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Sami1966 Apr 25, 2025
You should speak with an elder care attorney.
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How is he handling being in that facility? I ask because my husbands first 5 week stay after being hospitalized for hydrocephalus was happy time for him. He never talked about going home and told everyone he saw how much he liked it there. Once home, however, he was definitely happier here. Which means he may not take to Respite once a month to give me a much needed break.
i write all this to suggest if your husband is happy there, don’t put guilt on yourself. Do what you can to make it a good experience for him and always, take care of yourself!
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Reply to Credulous
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I have a sweet friend who’s a nurse. Her husband has Parkinson’s and she has been his caregiver. When he fell and broke his hip, she quickly and wisely realized she could not keep up with his needs in their home any longer. He moved from the hospital to a VA nursing home. She’s a frequent visitor and constant advocate and cheerleader. She’s quick to say their relationship has improved now that she’s not the bad guy in caregiving. Like my friend, this is you realizing it’s now in a place you cannot keep up anymore. And that’s understandable and okay. Good job looking out for your husband all this time, now you’ll be doing it in a new setting. He’s blessed to have you
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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PAW1961 Apr 22, 2025
Thank you!🙏
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Why would you feel guilty about obtaining the best care possible for your dear husband? They are professionals; you aren’t. They can provide a 24/7 team of trained caregivers, and the only way you could provide that yourself is hire and manage at least 3 in-home carers, which is a whole management nightmare for you. In a facility there’s companionship, med management, activity and possibly outings. You’re too tired to do those things.

Do what’s best for him and for you. Find him a good placement and move on to the next phase of your lives where you are his beloved wife and others provide the level of care he needs.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Any decisions you make should be what is best for the both of you and not just your husband.
If his care has gotten to be too much for you, then you can either full-time in-home help, or have him placed permanently where you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate and not his overwhelmed, burned out caregiver.
And you should feel NO guilt as you didn't cause his Parkinson's and have done nothing wrong.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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PAW1961 Apr 21, 2025
Thank you!!!
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Hello PAW,
Welcome to the forum.

Are you asking about leaving DH in the rehab for therapy or as a permanent placement?

Is DH incompetent to make his own decisions?

Do you have POA to make decisions for him? Is it activated?

Have you considered hiring help to assist you in your home?

There are many details that go into making major decisions. Your health and level of stress/anxiety/burnout being chief among them.

Tell us more about your situation for better feedback.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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PAW1961 Apr 21, 2025
Yes I am his POA.
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