Surgery went well. Now he’s in a nursing facility for PT. I’m not sure how he’s going to recover enough to return home. I can’t care for him by myself. I’ve been doing this for years! We have no nearby family and I have my own health issues. I would feel so guilty leaving him in that home. Anyone else been through this?
By that I meant as long as it was safe for HIM for me to care for him and as long as it was safe for ME to care for him at home.
He fell and broke his hip and after rehab I did contact Hospice and found that he qualified.
With the help of Hospice I got all the equipment and supplies that I needed. this was the ONLY reason I was able to safely care for him.
Now I have to add...I am currently 71 years young. I think if I had to do now what I had to do in my 50's and 60's I could not do it.
Making the decision to place someone in a facility is one of the toughest decisions you have to make.
Can you manage caring for him if you have caregivers that will help you?
If your husband is a Veteran have you checked to see if he qualifies for any help from the VA? If he is a Veteran there are many conditions that may be classified as "Service Connected Disabilities" and that translates to a % and the higher the percentage the more help. If he is a Veteran check with your local Veterans Assistance Commission or your States Department of Veterans Affairs. (these two organizations will not charge for their service to look into this. You can also contact the VA and get the same info)
I've been on a Parkinson's journey with my husband since 2016 when he was diagnosed. He had several falls over the years. He was stubbornly "independent" of taking advice. Bumps on head, bruised tailbone, bruised arm. Then in 2023 he fell outside, hit his head on concrete sidewalk and was hospitalized for a small 7mm subarachnid hematoma. The Keppra he was put on to prevent any seizures (neurologist said it was protocol to be put on seizure meds to prevent seizure after any brain bleed, even though he didn't have a seizure) had a horrible effect on his mind and mobility. Within a little over a week after discharge home, he went from talking & needing help to transfer from bed to wheelchair (while wsiting for PT to start), to being completely incoherent and bedbound. It took almost 3 months to figure out the Keppra was the cause of this, (I was told it was the head injury or LBD) and start weening him off of it. His mind cleared, but after being bedbound for so long, 7 months of home physical therapy couldn't get him standing again.
I tell that story to caution that even seizure meds could have adverse side effects.
My hubby is a disabled veteran, so luckily he can get home health aid hours. It helps so much! They can do a bed bath, diaper change, hair wash, help with feeding, etc. I have them come daily to help with this. I can pay for additional help that the VA doesn't cover.
Currently, he is experiencing cognitive issues.
I tried to provide much of his care myself the first year in 2013, then I threw my back out 3 times during the second year in 2024. I should have a hip replacement in the future. I learned to ask for more help too late. I should have gotten more help from the start, but thought I could do it myself. I was 58 and hubby was 72 when his accident happened.
I suggest you Google local home care agencies in your area, get information on hours they can provide and their charge for care.
You can also contact Hospice and get him assessed. They can provide aid 2 or 3 times a week for bath and diaper change.
Talk with the rehab center's therapists and social worker. Explain your situation at home - your health, your home setup, your husband's ability or inability to do daily living tasks. If you absolutely cannot manage his care at home with help, then please don't feel bad about looking into placement in a nice facility.
I wish you the best.
i write all this to suggest if your husband is happy there, don’t put guilt on yourself. Do what you can to make it a good experience for him and always, take care of yourself!
Do what’s best for him and for you. Find him a good placement and move on to the next phase of your lives where you are his beloved wife and others provide the level of care he needs.
If his care has gotten to be too much for you, then you can either full-time in-home help, or have him placed permanently where you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate and not his overwhelmed, burned out caregiver.
And you should feel NO guilt as you didn't cause his Parkinson's and have done nothing wrong.
Welcome to the forum.
Are you asking about leaving DH in the rehab for therapy or as a permanent placement?
Is DH incompetent to make his own decisions?
Do you have POA to make decisions for him? Is it activated?
Have you considered hiring help to assist you in your home?
There are many details that go into making major decisions. Your health and level of stress/anxiety/burnout being chief among them.
Tell us more about your situation for better feedback.