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He is of sound mind and the basement is his happy place. I don't want to witness his falling down the stairs. He can use a walker but spends most of the day in a wheelchair. He will not get a stair lift.
My mother did the same thing, she'd go into the basement when no one else was in her house. I worried about it but finally gave it up to the gods. I was not her dungeon master and eventually became very fatalistic about it all. She was an adult and was firing on all pistons mentally. If she fell, she fell.
But she had a fall alert medallion and she did have a chairlift to the basement level. If cannot convince your father to get a chairlift, there's nothing you can do about it. Just leave him alone and hope for the best.
I had a friend who died a few years ago at 99. He used a walker. He was an artist and his studio was on the third floor of his family's NYC brownstone.
Until about a month before he died, he went up to his studio to paint every day. He was fully cognizant of the risks and was very careful . He did not fall.
I am picturing these celler steps like my MILs and an Aunts. Steep for one thing and just boards, opened otherwise, with hopefully a railing. Very dangerous.
Falling down stairs is a VERY bad way to go. Besides the pain and disability that are more likely than a quick death, the guilt of having Dad die from a preventable accident will leave everyone miserable for very long time.
He is 100. Let him do his projects in the basement.
Studies show that those who can stand and use their legs are less of a fall risk than those who are 100% in a wheel chair. i.e. Having leg strength to get up and down the steps will continue to help him with toileting and getting out of bed.
Using the steps (moving his limbs) will help protect against bed sores. Once someone is 100% in a wheel chair it is tough to prevent bedsores.
I'd check the railings of the steps and make sure they are very secure. I'd have a second walker and wheel chair in the basement.
I'd also look into installing the rubber matting on the floor around the bottom of the steps. https://www.greatmats.com/horse-stall-mats/stall-mats-4x6x34-4ft-border-black.php?identifiers=pla-2328628189372425&Campaign=Smart%20Shopping&CampaignId=590156798&AdGroup=Ad%20group%20%231&AdGroupId=1229255060161076&AdId=76828574104793&Network=o&msclkid=4c2c1fe7f6651e99df3377899f2b44b0&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Smart%20Shopping&utm_term=2328628189372425&utm_content=Ad%20group%20%231
Tractor Supply sells this. It is used in gyms and in horse stalls and in areas of day cares. It is about 1" thick. Lowes and Home Depot may have it.
I live in Florida. Seniors do better who have a purpose in life and who are moving and supporting their body.
It doesn’t sound like any of you have ever come across a parent who has fallen down the basement stairs. People with undiagnosed dementia can be very wily and will lie to your face. They also are stubborn. Don’t believe them when they say they understand the risk. If they even do, it’s momentarily. They are basically children. Our parents protected us from running into traffic because we didn’t know better. As the adults in this scenario, we have the duty of care. My father would have said he would happily die working in his garden. The reality is he would have not realized he was becoming dehydrated. He would have become dizzy and fallen and possibly been unconscious but probably not. Then he would have lain there weakly trying to crawl or to call for help. It would have been a horrible way to die, rotting in the sun. Or fallen at the bottom of the stairs , neck broken but still alive. Lying there unable to move and either waiting to die or praying for someone to find him. And imagine being the person to find the crumpled body with the blood from the wound on the head. Neither of those scenes are letting our loved one live their best life to the end. Sell their home and use the proceeds to place them in assisted living. They will fight you every step of the way. And yes, mentally they will likely go down hill more quickly but they won’t be dying hurt, scared and alone. I’ve lived this story with my father and now I’m living it with my husband so don’t think I’ve got a wild imagination. I remember the look in my dad’s eyes - like a wild animal in a trap - when I found him on the basement floor. And I’ve seen the fear in my husband now that he has fallen and gotten a few good bumps on the head or bruises on his hips. He is on his second round of PT and another new drug to tweak his blood pressure. It’s still an indignity and has been enough to mentally bring on the next stage of dementia. I’m not looking for sympathy. Just keeping it real for you.
I would leave dad alone. None of us want to witness a fall, but we also can’t prevent them, they are the true curse of aging and totally inevitable. My dad fell many times, several times while literally right next to me. Your dad has lived to an amazing age. Let him have his happy place and accept that he will leave this earth exactly when he’s meant to, despite anything you attempt to control. I wish you both peace
First I have to admire your dad. I have a ways to go before I'm 100 and I can tell you going up and down stairs is definitely not on my list of things to do each day. The fact he does it multiple times just boggles my mind. The concern I would have with installing a lift is if he refuses to use it it makes the stairs even more narrow and can be a trip hazard if / when he does use the stairs. Is the stairway well lit? Do the lights come on automatically? Is there a sturdy hand rail? Is the stairway clear of any objects? If everything checks out and is safe then have this discussion with him . "Dad, I know I can't get you to stop going to the basement so what I need to know is if/when you fall what kind of medical care do you want? What advanced medical care do you want." Also you might want a camera installed so you can monitor what happens. And if you have Alexa get him one so if he falls and is able he can say "Alexa call "cookmolly" and Alexa will contact you. At 100 you are not going to change him.
Oh..and if he doesn't have them another walker and wheelchair to be left in the basement
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But she had a fall alert medallion and she did have a chairlift to the basement level. If cannot convince your father to get a chairlift, there's nothing you can do about it. Just leave him alone and hope for the best.
Until about a month before he died, he went up to his studio to paint every day. He was fully cognizant of the risks and was very careful .
He did not fall.
We all have to die of something and going to your happy place and falling to your death wouldn't be a bad way to go.
Of course you could just get the lift installed and ask forgiveness instead of permission.
Studies show that those who can stand and use their legs are less of a fall risk than those who are 100% in a wheel chair. i.e. Having leg strength to get up and down the steps will continue to help him with toileting and getting out of bed.
Using the steps (moving his limbs) will help protect against bed sores. Once someone is 100% in a wheel chair it is tough to prevent bedsores.
I'd check the railings of the steps and make sure they are very secure.
I'd have a second walker and wheel chair in the basement.
I'd also look into installing the rubber matting on the floor around the bottom of the steps. https://www.greatmats.com/horse-stall-mats/stall-mats-4x6x34-4ft-border-black.php?identifiers=pla-2328628189372425&Campaign=Smart%20Shopping&CampaignId=590156798&AdGroup=Ad%20group%20%231&AdGroupId=1229255060161076&AdId=76828574104793&Network=o&msclkid=4c2c1fe7f6651e99df3377899f2b44b0&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Smart%20Shopping&utm_term=2328628189372425&utm_content=Ad%20group%20%231
Tractor Supply sells this. It is used in gyms and in horse stalls and in areas of day cares. It is about 1" thick. Lowes and Home Depot may have it.
I live in Florida. Seniors do better who have a purpose in life and who are moving and supporting their body.
Our parents protected us from running into traffic because we didn’t know better. As the adults in this scenario, we have the duty of care. My father would have said he would happily die working in his garden. The reality is he would have not realized he was becoming dehydrated. He would have become dizzy and fallen and possibly been unconscious but probably not. Then he would have lain there weakly trying to crawl or to call for help. It would have been a horrible way to die, rotting in the sun. Or fallen at the bottom of the stairs , neck broken but still alive. Lying there unable to move and either waiting to die or praying for someone to find him. And imagine being the person to find the crumpled body with the blood from the wound on the head.
Neither of those scenes are letting our loved one live their best life to the end.
Sell their home and use the proceeds to place them in assisted living. They will fight you every step of the way. And yes, mentally they will likely go down hill more quickly but they won’t be dying hurt, scared and alone.
I’ve lived this story with my father and now I’m living it with my husband so don’t think I’ve got a wild imagination. I remember the look in my dad’s eyes - like a wild animal in a trap - when I found him on the basement floor. And I’ve seen the fear in my husband now that he has fallen and gotten a few good bumps on the head or bruises on his hips. He is on his second round of PT and another new drug to tweak his blood pressure. It’s still an indignity and has been enough to mentally bring on the next stage of dementia. I’m not looking for sympathy. Just keeping it real for you.
Freedom of Choice VS Duty of Care.
Does Dad understand the risk? You know your Dad best.
I have found a Risk Matrix useful from time to time.
In this case, Liklihood of a fall would be? Unlikely, possible, likely, near certain?
Consequences would be? Minor, medium, major, catestropic?
But then again, if Dad & you both understand the risk, you can choose based on other values.
Such as, at this great age of 100 - what is it that really matters?
The concern I would have with installing a lift is if he refuses to use it it makes the stairs even more narrow and can be a trip hazard if / when he does use the stairs.
Is the stairway well lit? Do the lights come on automatically? Is there a sturdy hand rail? Is the stairway clear of any objects?
If everything checks out and is safe then have this discussion with him
.
"Dad, I know I can't get you to stop going to the basement so what I need to know is if/when you fall what kind of medical care do you want? What advanced medical care do you want."
Also you might want a camera installed so you can monitor what happens. And if you have Alexa get him one so if he falls and is able he can say "Alexa call "cookmolly" and Alexa will contact you.
At 100 you are not going to change him.
Oh..and if he doesn't have them another walker and wheelchair to be left in the basement
Like already said below , make sure railings are secure. Have railings on both sides of the steps . another walker and wheelchair in the basement.
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