My mother lives 6 minutes from me. I am the only person she has to take care of her. When no one else is around she talks really bad to me. She will push and push until I react to her. There are days I feel like walking away and not returning. I don’t know how to just overlook the harmful and mean things she says. Will Medicare or VA help pay for her to have someone help her out a few days a week? I need a break.

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Thanks for the advice. I think I am going to try to not be available everyday but maybe try to give her the days I can take care of things for her.
This website has been so helpful to me. It really helps to know others understand.
Helpful Answer (3)

Bamagirl88, I live 6 minutes away from my mother, too. When she acts real mean to me, I say, “Bye mommy, I’ll come back when you’re
feeling better.” I learned to say that on this site.
Sometimes I can distract her and change her mood from nasty to nice, but when I can’t, I’m out of there. I like to go almost every day just to check on her at the nursing home.
Helpful Answer (4)

When you feel like walking away, do it. Not the "never to return" kind of walking away, but the "let's let this situation cool down" kind. "Mother I can see how upset you are now. I'll come back this afternoon, and maybe we can have a calm discussion then."

Do you think it is a reaction she wants from you? So she pushes and pushes until you give her what she wants? Walk away before you react. If she doesn't get what she wants by pushing perhaps that will decrease her efforts at pushing. (Maybe. Worth trying.)
Helpful Answer (2)

I read your past posts, and you do plenty for your mother. She refuses to partake in the activities in her senior living complex. She has all of her faculties.

So there's really no excuse (dementia is frequently used as an excuse for an elder's nasty verbal assaults) for her behavior. I would suggest seeing her less. If she is competent, then she can learn that nasty behavior gets her less attention from you (and less done for her by you -- I see that you take her out a lot).

What is her financial situation? Is she paying for her apartment and all of her necessities? Can she hire some help for herself? (I know, she will probably be angry at the suggestion.)

Looking down the road a bit, what happens if she needs more help than can be provided by you in her independent living apartment? Can she afford assisted living? I hope the plan isn't that she moves in with you!
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