I've been my dad's caretaker for the last 5 years. He has Parkinson's and dementia. These days he is largely bedridden, as both conditions have progressed to advanced stages. Even though it was hard, I was happy to take care of him. He is a great dad who deserved the best care and I was happy to be that.
At the same time, I've applying for jobs. I've been unemployed for these last few years. I am 34 years old. I finally received a job offer today and I start Monday. The job itself is something I've been looking for.
Initially, I felt happy and excited and relieved. But that was then replaced with an incredible sadness. The sadness that I can no longer care for my dad the way I have been. I've been crying about since I got the offer.
I am happy to have a job and move forward with my life and I know that's what my dad wanted for me, too. And I will always be back at home after work to care for him. And yet, I feel very sad and it's almost grief-like because I'm moving forward in life while his is slowly ending.
I don't know how to overcome this sadness and allow myself to be happy. The tears just keep rolling down.
Congratulations on getting a job you wanted. You have a chance to get your life back and have a a solid future. Your Dad would be proud. Once you start the job, you will be too busy to be sad. Just throw yourself into it and do your best!
You already had the hardest job there is. You will handle it fine!! You can tell him about it when you see him. You got this!
This is one of those times.
You didn't cause any of the problems of aging your father is facing.
Guilt requires causation and having not caused and being unable to fix or change things, this isn't really what you are feeling.
Words have great power. I encourage you to change out the real g-words for the more correct word "GRIEF" for aging care is full of that. You are grieving that you are not the Saint, the be-all and end-all who can do-it-all. You are human with limitations and you correctly recognize that you need a job, and a work history and a lifetime of savings to insure that you are safe when the time of your own aging is upon you.
Congratulations on the new job. Happy as this time is there ARE repercussions now; you can't do it all. I wish you the best of luck as you negotiate this time of change for you and for your Dad.
The way things are going in this Country, you need to take care of yourself, too.
Pity those guilt tripped by the selfish ones. He spared you this miserable torment. Enjoy your new beginning. You certainly earned it.
But if you think you do, you have it from other caregivers that know what you are going through.
Onward.
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