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I've been my dad's caretaker for the last 5 years. He has Parkinson's and dementia. These days he is largely bedridden, as both conditions have progressed to advanced stages. Even though it was hard, I was happy to take care of him. He is a great dad who deserved the best care and I was happy to be that.


At the same time, I've applying for jobs. I've been unemployed for these last few years. I am 34 years old. I finally received a job offer today and I start Monday. The job itself is something I've been looking for.


Initially, I felt happy and excited and relieved. But that was then replaced with an incredible sadness. The sadness that I can no longer care for my dad the way I have been. I've been crying about since I got the offer.


I am happy to have a job and move forward with my life and I know that's what my dad wanted for me, too. And I will always be back at home after work to care for him. And yet, I feel very sad and it's almost grief-like because I'm moving forward in life while his is slowly ending.


I don't know how to overcome this sadness and allow myself to be happy. The tears just keep rolling down.

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Try to be happy. You are lucky that your dad wants you to be happy. A lot of aging parents only want their grown children to take care of them. Be excited about your job and look forward to sharing all the details with your dad! My dad is in a facility and I took care of him many years before he went to the facility. He did not want me to work and still does not. You can try to overcome your sadness by reminding yourself that your dad wants you to be happy.
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Reply to faithfulbeauty
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You are going thru many emotions, including a new job and moving forward after being a full time Caregiver for 5 years.

Congratulations on getting a job you wanted. You have a chance to get your life back and have a a solid future. Your Dad would be proud. Once you start the job, you will be too busy to be sad. Just throw yourself into it and do your best!

You already had the hardest job there is. You will handle it fine!! You can tell him about it when you see him. You got this!
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Reply to Dawn88
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Move forward. As hard as it is. Do what is best for you and your future. Dad had his life and you were a huge part and a caregiver. Most people don’t do that. But it’s time for you to take care of you. You may feel guilty, it’s okay. Go forward with your life anyway. If your dad was whole and healthy, he would want that. Get durable support for him if you can. Other family who will commit to being a caregiver for him, paid caregivers or facility care. If you are treading this path alone, I understand. It would be nice to have a village to support us. Sometimes, our parents should have created that village and we just parachute in for the 9th inning. It doesn’t matter, do what is best for you. I’m talking to you and myself.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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Life is full of sadness.
This is one of those times.

You didn't cause any of the problems of aging your father is facing.
Guilt requires causation and having not caused and being unable to fix or change things, this isn't really what you are feeling.

Words have great power. I encourage you to change out the real g-words for the more correct word "GRIEF" for aging care is full of that. You are grieving that you are not the Saint, the be-all and end-all who can do-it-all. You are human with limitations and you correctly recognize that you need a job, and a work history and a lifetime of savings to insure that you are safe when the time of your own aging is upon you.
Congratulations on the new job. Happy as this time is there ARE repercussions now; you can't do it all. I wish you the best of luck as you negotiate this time of change for you and for your Dad.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Congratulations on your job. You've done a great job caring for Dad. Your Dad would definitely want you to move forward in your life and achieve your dreams. You can still visit Dad.
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Reply to brandee
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Take that job, being out of work for 5 yrs is a long time. You probably can collect full Social Security at 67. SS only goes back 35 yrs for earnings. So this is the time you need to work and get those earnings. Lets say you don't work another 5 years, your SS will only be calulated on 30 years.

The way things are going in this Country, you need to take care of yourself, too.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Have you considered therapy? Life transitions can be very emotional and chatting with someone can help.
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Reply to JustAnon
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cover9339 Jul 15, 2025
So very true.
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Congratulations on getting the job you wanted!!
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Reply to cover9339
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Your Dad is giving you a gift. He has the love for you and grace to know YOUR independence, your emotional well being, your physical health needs to be lived. He does not want you to be a care-slave but a happy well adjusted woman, out in the world.
Pity those guilt tripped by the selfish ones. He spared you this miserable torment. Enjoy your new beginning. You certainly earned it.
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Reply to JeanLouise
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You don't need anyone's permission to do what's right.
But if you think you do, you have it from other caregivers that know what you are going through.
Onward.
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Reply to hmyers
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