My 80 year old mother and I share a two bedroom apartment. I bought it so I would be able to care for her on a day to day basis instead of using the community services that kept failing her (in her opinion). Now that we live together (for only the past three months), she feels quite free to tantrum over the slightest inconvenience. She turns mean and name calls, throws things and then goes to her room, which is set up like a sitting room.
These tantrums happen about once per week, and I am finding her expectations quite unreasonable and selfish. She has had two heart attacks and two strokes, which resulted in apraxia and aphasia over the last five years. Because of the apraxia and aphasia, speech is a problem for her. Of course, she finds conversation frustrating, but she talks non-stop and when she is angry, she has no problem throwing out negative comments about me, like I am a bad person, not nice, stupid, bad. I am 63 years old.
Mom continually threatens to move out and then goes to hides in her room until something comes up and I have to speak to her. I am reluctant to bring her behaviour up for fear that it will cause another tantrum.
If she goes into independent living, I cannot afford to pay (nor can she) the required monthly fees for a private care facility. The government assisted living facilities take 80% of her income/pensions and she has no savings to speak of.
She is not capable of getting around on her own, or running her own errands or making arrangements for assistance. She would never admit to this. I don't believe she is capable of living on her own without assistance. And assistance is not really there for difficult people unless you pay the big bucks.
I think we are both feeling trapped and don't where to go from here.