I'm the only caregiver for my spouse and am now limited in my own activities and getting less sleep every night. How do I make the move for my spouse with middle-to late-stage dementia? He is not on any medication, but is sleeping up to 17 hours a day. He's still showering and still physically in good shape for 76 years old. I feel he would benefit from more activity.
He very likely wull benefit from more activity. Have you considered adult daycare for him during the week? Or hiring a paid companion to take him out and keep him somewhat engaged? These things will do him a world of good. Believe me when I tell you, there's not a lot of activity going on in memory care.
Try adult daycare or a paid companion. If that's not working out, then it's time for memory care. Tour a few places. Look around and see what's going on. The sure way to tell if a place is decent, is by how it smells. If there's an overwhelming stink of sh*t and B.O. then you know it's not a good place and they don't make keeping up on resident hygiene a priority. Then observe what the meals look like. If they're gross and you wouldn't eat them, it's not a good place. Take note of how many CNA's (not nurses or social workers) you see on the floor too. This is very important because they are the ones who do the actual hands-on care of residents. If you only see two or three, they're understaffed and it's not a quality place and you should look elsewhere.
Finding a decent memory care facility is not easy, but it's not impossible.
1. Search your area for Adult Day Programs. These will get him out of the house 3, 4, 5 days a week and gives you both a break. And he will have activities. Typically the van or bus will pick a person up in the morning, transport to the program. The participant will get a breakfast, a lunch and one or 2 snacks and plenty of activity. And the van will return him home in the late afternoon.
2. Hire a caregiver. A few days a week for 6 to 8 hours is a great break for you.
If your husband is a Veteran the VA may be of some help. Check with your local Veterans Assistance Commission or your States Department of Veterans Affairs. They can help determine if he qualifies for any benefits. Depending on where and when he served it might be a little help or a LOT.
And the VA is now paying spouses to care for the Veteran.
both of these are great "stepping stones" bridging home and Memory Care.
Do start touring MC facilities.
Find out what the requirements are.
Physical, TB test (some areas may require 2 stage test or you can do a blood test)
Do you have all the legal paperwork you need to protect yourself? And the paperwork you need to place him?
POA for finances, Medical. ...
Learning what's available will help you understand where he needs to be.
And can you not hire someone or have a friend or church member come stay with your husband while you get out to do things you enjoy?
If you're wanting more activities for your husband, I would take him to your local adult daycare center, as they have all kinds of activities to keep the folks as busy as they want to be, and you can have your husband there up to 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. They serve breakfast, lunch and a snack and can even come pick up and drop back off your husband if needed.
Of course there is a cost(here in my city it's $55/day and worth every penny)and a whole lot cheaper than a memory care facility. And if money is an issue all adult daycare centers do offer financial help if needed.
And sadly most memory care facilities are very limited in any activities they offer, unlike assisted living facilities which do a much better job at that.
But keep in mind, if your husband is sleeping that much now, he may just want to sleep wherever he is at, as that is part of the decline of dementia, and can be a sign that the end of his life is closer than you think, so you may want to consider bringing hospice on board as well, as they do have volunteers that can come stay with your husband for a few hours so you can get out for a little while.
I wish you well in taking this final journey with your husband, and in taking good care of yourself along the way too.
My husband is in early stage Frontal Temporal Dementia. Which tends to progress faster than some dementias. Currently he is functioning fairly well. The more I learn about dementia, the more I know I need to be prepared. I've started to ask about memory care facilities here. One of them gets good very good comments from people here. I will schedule a visit. I'll talk to the elder specialist lawyer about how to afford it. It's the best I can do.