He is so afraid of dying, even though he has no health problems. He is 88 years old. He has two AEDs, one in my car, one in the house. He says it is my job to be with him at all times. His daughter stays with him one day a week for about 3 hours and he is constantly calling me. He does not want anyone to come into the house. He is very paranoid. I am going to have to give up my cleaning lady because he hides everything and then forgets where he hides it. He puts PLASTIC TIES on the refrigerator to keep them out of it. He is very narcissist and thinks things always have to go his way. He has been verbally abusive to me and our daughter. He is also an alcoholic and refuses to quit drinking. He is very difficult to deal with and I definitely have caregiver burnout. He is not at the level to go into memory care. Any advice would be appreciated.
Uh...what do you call dementia? That is a major health issue that never gets better only worse and will ALWAYS lead to death one way or another.
And you being in denial about just how bad off your husband is won't do anyone any good that's for sure.
Your husbands brain is now permanently broken and you now have to step up and take control of the situation.
And yes that means that memory care must now be on the table if you're going to survive this journey.
And don't you dare give up your cleaning lady!!! You need her now more than ever. You have to quit letting your husband with his broken brain continue running the show.
Time for you to put on your big girl panties and show him who is now in charge.
And if he gets nasty, you call 911and have him removed from the home.
Dementia is hard enough to deal with, without adding alcoholism in the mix. You CANNOT and SHOULD NOT be doing this alone.
Until you get your husband placed you can have him go to an Adult Daycare Center(if they'll even take him with his drinking problem)up to 5 days a week and 8 hours a day. They will keep him occupied and you can get the breaks that you so desperately need.
PLEASE don't be afraid to now take the reigns of your husbands placement and of your own self care.
You can do this!
As for until you place him, do not answer the phone when he calls, no reason to.
You have taught him how to treat you, time to change the game up.
You are entitled to a life, start making plans to change it in a positive way.
Take care of you as some 40% of caregivers die before the patient....shocking huh?
It is up to you, not him.
I am so sorry, but this time comes in all instances where the peace of death comes long after there is any dealing with the disease on a one to one level.