I’ve been living with my grandparents for the past 18 years. And I’ve been caring for them for the past 8 years. My grandpa had past away about a year ago. And grandma is doing good but has dementia. Some of my aunts and uncle, who weren’t around to help, and now attacking me and Mom. (Mom also lives here and helps take care) saying that we stole from them. Take advantage of their hospitality (even tho my mom paid bills and brought groceries) that we are bullies towards them. They talk crap about us to grandma, and it makes grandma upset but they don’t care. They have gone to court wanting to get guardianship over grandma. And this makes my grandma very upset, and will even say she wish she was dead. Judge said to come to agreement between them, there was an agreement, now aunt is going back on her word and saying that she never agreed. Now me and Mom have had enough of them attacking us and bullying us, that we have decided to move out, and leave grandma. I’m afraid of what it is going to do to grandma. I’m basically her security blanket. I’m feeling guilty about leaving her, but I’m happy to get away from my selfish “family.”
You needn't feel "guilty" but you shouldn't leave grandma to her own devices. Are these relatives now stepping up and providing the care?
Family dramas are common and very sad. You sound truly despondent about leaving grandma, but you can't do much more.
If leaving is your only option, then do so. But please make sure grandma has a safety net of caregivers if she needs them.
Others will come here and weigh in and you will get better advice, I'm sorry for what you've had to deal with.
Your mother should go back to the judge and ask "now what?"
Your mother should not just leave your grandmother in her home without making formal arrangements for your grandmother's care.
Hostile family members make caregiving ten times as hard as it needs to be, and I hugely sympathise with that. But all the same your grandmother can't take care of herself, so she is your mother's priority. Not yours, though. And anyway - there shouldn't be any reason you can't carry on visiting her, should there?