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It’s really not a suggestion. They think they have it all figured out. Because that’s what they did. Or that’s what they “would have done” if they had their loved one still with them. Oh yeah! That’s my favorite! The people who have never cared for an elderly parent but if only they had lived longer. “I would have done anything for my mother”. HA! Keep your opinions to yourself. Unless I ask for your 2 cents go spend it at the “I don’t give a &@$) what you think. And they seriously sound so stupid when they give advice that sounds like a visiting angels commercial. Get real.

I think we have for the most part all been there, your vent is well deserved.

My favorite one, after explaining to a "friend" what I was going through was, " ya, just gotta do, what ya gotta do".

No you do not have to ruin your hole life, mental, physical, financial, and relationships!!
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Reply to Drivingdaisy
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I have a "friend" that likes to voice her opinion frequently. When we had to move my FIL to a SNF, she was living with her family and her parents in her parent's home. She was vocal about two things. That she could NEVER put her parents in a "home" and that she didn't understand why no one would help her take care of her parents.

She knew the situation with my FIL, knew that we had zero choice about moving him for everyone involved. But still continued to comment "I could never". And it was every time we saw them that it somehow came up. That her mother drove her crazy, that no one helped her, but that she "could never".

I finally told her that I hoped that she could maintain that since it seemed to be her entire personality, but as for me and mine, we did what we had to do and I was tired of talking about it, because her situation was different from ours. But that if she ever did decide she couldn't do it alone anymore (she was mad that her DH and their kids didn't want to help her take care of her parents)...she would get no judgment from me. Because she had to do what was best for HER family.

I think that is the last time she ever said she "could never" to me lol. I personally think she's a bit of a martyr anyway, because after her dad passed, she moved her mom's best friend in and started taking care of her along with her mom. And continued to complain about no one helping her. Those are boundaries my friend....you might feel better if you get some for yourself! But I doubt she ever will, unfortunately. And her family resents the heck out of it.
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Reply to BlueEyedGirl94
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When people say "But she's your Mother!
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Reply to Beatty
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This is the issue that brought me to this website and chat forum! My last experience with unsolicited advice and criticism was traumatic. I am still thinking about it and it happened two days ago. I couldn't sleep the night it happened. A busybody that used to be my parents' neighbor was inundating me with phone calls. She wanted the scoop on my dad. But she had no interest in visiting or helping, she just wanted all the dirt. I told her that I was burning out and didn't have time or energy to return all her calls. I suggested that she instead visit my dad as it might brighten his day and it would provide me with relief (I'm the only person in his life). Her daughter drove her over for a 30-minute visit with my dad. After which, they both lectured me on how every decision I've made for my dad's care is wrong. They were even suggesting that he is frail and confused BECAUSE of my care (not because he's 91 with congestive heart failure and dementia)! This was their only visit in the 4.5 years that I've been his caregiver, and with no concept of what we've gone through. I was stunned. I told them to focus on their own family.
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Reply to lesanna
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Here's the thing. As a two time fighter of breast cancer I can assure you that worse than the knife, worse than the chemo, worse than the radiation is the ADVICE FROM PEOPLE who KNOW IT ALL.

This is just the nature of life. Here you are in the battle of your life (WHATEVER it is at the moment) and here they are with ALL THE ANSWERS.

I just had to write my daughter and say "You know, I understand your friends are all well meaning, but I just don't need to hear their advice. I will ALWAYS listen you yours, so if they have something you think crucial for me to hear, then just make it YOUR advice, and I will listen, but quite honestly, lugging along the sacks of advice from others is just a burden I don't need right now".

I know caring for parents and fighting cancer are two different things, but sometimes the things that can just BREAK you are almost comical. You want to SHRIEK out at them "I don't care HOW your Aunt Irma returned from the brink of DEATH!!!!!"

Good luck. Vent away. WE all understand.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Go get a Hot fudge Sundae or better yet when someone starts telling you what they would do tell them " Go get a Hot Fudge Sundae . " No one knows what someone truly went through when dealing with an Ill parent or sibling and really they don't care to want to know either .
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Reply to KNance72
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Tell these people “ I need a break and since you are so knowledgeable , when can you come over so I can go out ?”
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Reply to waytomisery
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Dogwood63 Jun 30, 2025
I love this.

An added bonus is watching them backpedal and sputter with their excuses why they can't actually help.
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