It’s really not a suggestion. They think they have it all figured out. Because that’s what they did. Or that’s what they “would have done” if they had their loved one still with them. Oh yeah! That’s my favorite! The people who have never cared for an elderly parent but if only they had lived longer. “I would have done anything for my mother”. HA! Keep your opinions to yourself. Unless I ask for your 2 cents go spend it at the “I don’t give a &@$) what you think. And they seriously sound so stupid when they give advice that sounds like a visiting angels commercial. Get real.
My favorite one, after explaining to a "friend" what I was going through was, " ya, just gotta do, what ya gotta do".
No you do not have to ruin your hole life, mental, physical, financial, and relationships!!
She knew the situation with my FIL, knew that we had zero choice about moving him for everyone involved. But still continued to comment "I could never". And it was every time we saw them that it somehow came up. That her mother drove her crazy, that no one helped her, but that she "could never".
I finally told her that I hoped that she could maintain that since it seemed to be her entire personality, but as for me and mine, we did what we had to do and I was tired of talking about it, because her situation was different from ours. But that if she ever did decide she couldn't do it alone anymore (she was mad that her DH and their kids didn't want to help her take care of her parents)...she would get no judgment from me. Because she had to do what was best for HER family.
I think that is the last time she ever said she "could never" to me lol. I personally think she's a bit of a martyr anyway, because after her dad passed, she moved her mom's best friend in and started taking care of her along with her mom. And continued to complain about no one helping her. Those are boundaries my friend....you might feel better if you get some for yourself! But I doubt she ever will, unfortunately. And her family resents the heck out of it.
This is just the nature of life. Here you are in the battle of your life (WHATEVER it is at the moment) and here they are with ALL THE ANSWERS.
I just had to write my daughter and say "You know, I understand your friends are all well meaning, but I just don't need to hear their advice. I will ALWAYS listen you yours, so if they have something you think crucial for me to hear, then just make it YOUR advice, and I will listen, but quite honestly, lugging along the sacks of advice from others is just a burden I don't need right now".
I know caring for parents and fighting cancer are two different things, but sometimes the things that can just BREAK you are almost comical. You want to SHRIEK out at them "I don't care HOW your Aunt Irma returned from the brink of DEATH!!!!!"
Good luck. Vent away. WE all understand.
An added bonus is watching them backpedal and sputter with their excuses why they can't actually help.