My mother is a retired woman aged 74. She worked her whole life. Her siblings, my uncle (55) and aunt (69) used to live with their mother (my grandmother) for a very long time until she passed. My aunt and uncle have severe untreated mental illness- their OCD caused them to tear up my grandmothers house, which made it unlivable. No one stopped them. So…they moved in with my mother, who is a big enabler- she lets them do anything they want. There are no boundaries on the OCD, and her siblings are living there for free. Since I knew them, my uncle and aunt have not really had full time jobs, and spent the past 20-25 years either not working at all, or barely working. They never paid rent…and whenever we get close to talking to them about getting help, or fixing their old house or treating the OCD, they break into a crisis and say things that scare people. Then, we get scared that we “hurt” them…the blame game comes in the form of massive guilt tripping, then we back off- nothing changes. My family will then make decisions trying to “help” them that has directly affected my sister and I in painful ways. The conversations about getting help for the OCD/ fixing grandmothers house have been going on for more than 20 years. My sister and I are worried that my aunt and uncle are already taking mom’s house, which is not legally theirs- but it won’t matter in the long run whose house it is…My sister and I are worried about the distant future- if something happens to Mom, God forbid…my uncle and aunt will already be well into their 80s, and by then it will be too late for them to try to work (they have no meaningful retirement savings because they never really worked long enough)…right now, my older relatives are already behaving/acting like we have to take care of them too, while also refusing to cooperate or try…they won’t accept that they have OCD. If cooperation means seeing a therapist/ taking medicine and getting their jobs back, they will refuse and there will be another crisis, just like all the other ones. Are my sister and I legally obligated to take care of my aunt and uncle when they get too old to care for themselves? What happens if they refuse to move out of Moms home? I cannot afford to buy them a new house, or fix moms house, only for them to destroy it again and again with their OCD…what happens in the future when they are older and cannot help themselves anymore? I cannot afford to take care of two people who have refused to help themselves for most of their lives.
Tell yourself now that these two are not your responsibility. You can't make people go to therapists. If Mom needs care in a facility later on or passes away, you evict them from her home and allow Adult Protection Services to take over their care. There is no way these two will find jobs, their OCD has crippled them. They maybe able to get Social Security Disability based on their parents work experience. If you find they can, someone should become their payee. They will need to see a doctor for a formal diagnoses.
"Yes, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can be considered a disability under the Social Security Administration (SSA) and can qualify individuals for disability benefits. The SSA recognizes OCD as a mental disorder that can significantly impair an individual's ability to work."
Eventually they will become wards of a court-assigned legal guardian who will transition them into a county Medicaid facility. There really aren't any other solutions other than enabling.