My mother is 78 yrs old. Divorced from my dad for 40+yrs and receives 1/3 of his retirement. He is a good guy (86 yrs old and dying from cancer) and was ordered to pay her spousal support and later 1/3 of his retirement for life (unless she remarried or died). He has set her up with automatic payments each month from day one. How many men would pay this support without trying to escape the responsibility??? Not him -he even pays her ahead of time each month. He always asks how she is doing and if there is anything he can do to help her financially. I recently borrowed $2500 from him to help fund a car for mother. He refused to take my $$$ when I told him I was off to the bank to get a cashiers check to repay the loan. In the past he has paid for her dental needs and dentures -when he had no obligation to do so. He has had a sig other for over 30 yrs and they seem happy so I don't think he still has a thing for mother -he is just thoughtful. When dad found out he had cancer he got his affairs in order and told me everything (including $$$) was to be split evenly between my 2 siblings and myself. He must have had a change of heart because he later diverted our inheritance to an account to take care of our mother until she dies. She will continue to receive her monthly checks until she draws her last breath -anything left will then revert to the 3 children. Dad isn't rich -probably has around $200,000 in investments/cash. He says he does not want her to be a burden on her children. Trust me -she would be a burden as she only receives $250 each month in SS benefits. She would be homeless if it were not for dad's PERS / retirement contribution. Not once has he refused to support her or make those payments. He is a good man. She is a nag. Daily, weekly or monthly she tells me how he ruined her life and she could have had a happy marriage "if he would have been a better husband, communicated more with her, taken her here or there, bought her this or that...." ON and ON she goes. We were discussing my paying a visit to dad (lives in a neighboring state) just to do a welfare check -make sure things are as "jim dandy" as he states they are (often they are not...) and the subject turned (once again...) to how he has ruined her life and what a bad mate he was. I lost it with her --am so sick of hearing her dog such a good man. Good in that he takes care of her, does not want to dump her at our feet to take care of (she's never been motivated to do much and I've had to tend to her needs most of my life. I guess you could say I've become her "lousy 2nd husband"...(LOL) -God knows we fight like we are 2 miserable spouses! Mostly because she plays the victim and knows how to push my buttons. So, I asked her "why are we talking about this??????" when she began to rehash how bad my dad is. The conversation began as a simple comment about me driving down to check on him and all of a sudden I am dodging bullets about his character as a husband 40 yrs ago. I hear it all the time and I am sick to death of it! Am I being intolerant or am I right that she is driving me crazy with her unloading all of this imagined misery on me? I have a right to have a positive view of my dad, but she has always done her best to remind me that he is the source of all things miserable. I can't take it anymore.