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Hi, my 96 year old mother is at the end of life. Hospice told me on Monday that she would be passing soon. They didn’t hear any movement in her stomach, so her organs are shutting down. Today is day 13 with no food. She is still taking sips of water throughout the day.


My question is, has anyone else experienced this? She is bed bound. She pees in a diaper and sleeps all day and night. How long did your loved one go with only drinking water and no eating?


I am using my FMLA from work to be with her at the end, but I’m just not sure that it’s coming any time soon even though she’s so frail and weak. I keep thinking every day that I wake up, she’ll be gone, but she just keeps going. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted.

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I’m going through the exact same thing. It’s been 16 days for us since my 92 year old mom who has dementia, came home and hospice came in. She’s on a catheter and is barely peeing or having BM. She is only taking a few sips of ensure and water throughout the day. Mostly sleeps as well. She was very agitated last night and this morning she said she feels like something is going wrong. She’s been reaching in the air and seeing people around her.
Like you, i’m amazed that she can still be here.
God has a plan and I just give it to him, don’t know what else to do.
Prayers for you and your mom. It’s not easy being here, but I’m so glad I am.
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KNance72 Jul 20, 2025
That is tough sorry you have to go through this 😔
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My husband passed away in November of last year. He ate very little from September till mid October. then he pretty much quit eating other than an occasional sip of soup, very little water and a tiny bit of ice cream occasionally. Had Hospice for him and they were great. I told them I wanted him to have peace and be calm. He had Lewy Body and was anything but calm for the last months of his life.
He seemed to battle everything, once they came on board they were able to keep him calm. I also told him I would be OK, and he could go and be "home". The last words he spoke to me (it took him about 3 or 4 minutes to get it out) was he wanted to go home. He never spoke again.
Hospice told me when he was getting ready to pass. The facility that he was in had kept the bed in his room open because he was so agitated most of the time. I got to stay with him the last 2 nights. I'm so glad I got to be there for him. We had always been in together during our life and I wanted to be there for him at the end. I held his hand and told him I loved him, that I would be all right and that someday we would be together again, would he please wait for me.
I miss him every day, he's never far from my mind but I would not want him here with me. His last months were truly hell on earth, and I prayed that he could go peacefully. Because of Hospice and the outstanding care he received at the facility, my prayers came true.
It's very difficult, everyone is different I'm told. Just keep letting your Mom know you love her, that you will be ok. I wish you the best, may she go quietly and if you want to be there at the end, I hope that works out for you. My prayers go out to you.
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My mil lasted three weeks like that. The hospice nurse asked me if there was any "unfinished business." My mil had wanted my husband and I took take a vacation after she passed, so I bought tickets, went into her room and told her that I had bought tickets for our trip (not even knowing if she was even aware of my presence). She nodded her head one time and within an hour she passed. I concluded that the unfinshed business was an assurance that we would take a trip after she passed.

So, is there any "unfinished business" that you can think of that perhaps mom wants to know is resolved before she leaves this earth?
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Pjdela Jul 20, 2025
That is beautiful. What a loving memory to have of your Mom. Her awareness of the toll of your efforts and support of your relationship speak so well to her character and love for you. What a blessing.
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This is a question for your Hospice team. They know her best and know her condition best. And they are there to answer your questions. In general terms, with only sips of fluid, the expectation is that death will come within 30 days. Your team can tell you signs to watch for. Very little urine passing and of a dark color, strong odor is indicative of little fluid in the body. The extremities will cool, with lower limbs often looking a bit bluish, mottled. I am so glad you have hospice for comfort care and that they are keeping her comfortable with medications. As a retired RN I have been there at the passing of so many patients. With minimal fluid there is so much less struggle with a clear airway. I wish you the best and am sorry for your loss. It is very difficult to stand witness.
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My MIL lasted almost a year on liquids only Hospice. Her actual EOL was months, maybe 4-5, after being told by the Dr that she would go within a few days.

She had many days where she slept all day. Many days when all she ingested was 4 oz of Ensure.

Her actual cause of death was 'severe malnutrition' which upset the kids to no end. They felt that was somehow demeaning to them and their care of her, which of course, it was not.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's hard--but do take care of yourself. Death is so private and personal. Allow her and yourself the grace of patience and time. No one knows when another person's time is 'up'.
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I had traveled across the country to see my 98-year old mother at her memory care facility when she was still alert. A week or so after I left she became bedridden and non-communicative. The day she died I was with a friend on a walk and we had left our cell phones in her car. Once we got back in the car and traveled to our lunch destination, we saw both our phones were blowing up with messages. I saw my sister, who lived in the same town as my mother, had called multiple times, as had my husband. Mother was slowly dying. A couple of minutes after my sister put the phone to Mother's ear so I could tell her I loved her, Mother died. Life and death are the great mysteries. I agree with the respondent who emphasized that how you treated your mother during her life is the most important thing.
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I think you should save the FMLA for after death when arrangements are finalized, family come in, and you can sit in good memories of your mother. In my opinion, being there when the person takes the last breath has no importance. If you have loved your mother during life, and supported her as she aged(which is difficult in itself) then you should feel content with her passing when you are not there. Personally, I don’t know that I could stand and watch that. I have not yet had to. I am currently caregiver for MIL 99….She has dementia and I see her slowly digressing into the abyss of being in a body without a mind. That is difficult in itself but I just show love, make sure she feels safe, and content. I have an aide 12 hours a week so I have time to do things that require my focus. Other than that, I stay close by her side and try to make each day the best one yet.
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CaliTexasGirl Jul 20, 2025
@RetiredBrain .. *I'm going to be honest & you're awesome for doing so & she's blessed she has you but, I know I couldn't take care of someone else's mother..as, I'm taking care of my own & it is extremely challenging & stressful, at times.
An MIL...her own bio family would have to come care for her..if her children aren't alive, her grandkids, her siblings' kids but, you can't think I'm going to take care of your mother or grandmother, or great-aunt... someone who's not even my mom, stop my life & you get to go live your best life. Not going to happen. Because I bet, a husband wouldn't do it..he'd place an ex or deceased wife's mother in a facility faster than you can blink!
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As others have said, this is normal. Just chiming in to add that some people prefer to be alone when they pass (according to our hospice social worker). I asked my husband while he was still coherent what he wanted, and he said he wanted just me. Our kids and extended families were in and out of the room all day, but when he actually passed it was just me.
My mother in law had been upset for years that she had been at her mother’s bedside nonstop, but her mother passed when she was out of the room for just a few minutes. She was so relieved to learn from the social worker that this may have been what her mother wanted.
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ElizabethAR37 Jul 20, 2025
I can relate to that. Frankly, as a lifelong introvert, I would not want a lot of people around me at EOL. Being an atheist-leaning agnostic, I definitely wouldn't wish to see any clergy hovering over me, if I'm still aware. If I decide on VSED, I hope it will be relatively quick. If my husband is still alive (he's 95 and I'm 88), I would want him there towards the end, if he is able, and perhaps our youngest son, but that's all. I sincerely hope not to put my family through a prolonged death watch, but I recognize that, "You can't always get what you want", to borrow from the Rolling Stones.
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First...
PLEASE if you are mentally and physically exhausted ask Hospice for Respite.
They will place her in either an In Patient Unit or in a facility where they have a relationship, and the facility has a bed available.
Respite care is a benefit that Hospice provides and if your mom has been on Hospice a while I am saddened that they have not mentioned this.
There is also a program with Hospice called Vigil or Peaceful Passing. With the Vigil generally Trained Volunteers will take shifts to sit with a person at their end of life so that family can get a break or if the person is in a facility the Volunteer will be there so they are not alone.
Teach person has their own journey, their own time schedule.
If you talk to the Hospice Nurse or CNA they can give you other clues about signs of EOL. (End of Life)
Generally changes in breathing are common. Cheyne-Stokes or Agonal breathing.
Mottling of the skin. You will see this in the feet, legs first. Possibly on the back.
And..have you talked to mom, have you told her that you will be alright and that she can go, she has done her job raising you?
But again...PLEASE talk to the Nurse about a Volunteer that can come in and give you a break.
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Valentine15 Jul 20, 2025
Very kind reply.
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I was taking care if my dad 24 hrs a day on hospice care at home and my brother came to visit during the day. He said he would sit with my dad while i went out for lunch with my husband and daughter and on my way my brother called and said he passed. It was like he was waiting for some time with just my brother.
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JuliaH Jul 20, 2025
Same thing with my father, his sister came back from out of town and 10 minutes after she left,he was gone.
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