Hi, my 96 year old mother is at the end of life. Hospice told me on Monday that she would be passing soon. They didn’t hear any movement in her stomach, so her organs are shutting down. Today is day 13 with no food. She is still taking sips of water throughout the day.
My question is, has anyone else experienced this? She is bed bound. She pees in a diaper and sleeps all day and night. How long did your loved one go with only drinking water and no eating?
I am using my FMLA from work to be with her at the end, but I’m just not sure that it’s coming any time soon even though she’s so frail and weak. I keep thinking every day that I wake up, she’ll be gone, but she just keeps going. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Like you, i’m amazed that she can still be here.
God has a plan and I just give it to him, don’t know what else to do.
Prayers for you and your mom. It’s not easy being here, but I’m so glad I am.
He seemed to battle everything, once they came on board they were able to keep him calm. I also told him I would be OK, and he could go and be "home". The last words he spoke to me (it took him about 3 or 4 minutes to get it out) was he wanted to go home. He never spoke again.
Hospice told me when he was getting ready to pass. The facility that he was in had kept the bed in his room open because he was so agitated most of the time. I got to stay with him the last 2 nights. I'm so glad I got to be there for him. We had always been in together during our life and I wanted to be there for him at the end. I held his hand and told him I loved him, that I would be all right and that someday we would be together again, would he please wait for me.
I miss him every day, he's never far from my mind but I would not want him here with me. His last months were truly hell on earth, and I prayed that he could go peacefully. Because of Hospice and the outstanding care he received at the facility, my prayers came true.
It's very difficult, everyone is different I'm told. Just keep letting your Mom know you love her, that you will be ok. I wish you the best, may she go quietly and if you want to be there at the end, I hope that works out for you. My prayers go out to you.
So, is there any "unfinished business" that you can think of that perhaps mom wants to know is resolved before she leaves this earth?
She had many days where she slept all day. Many days when all she ingested was 4 oz of Ensure.
Her actual cause of death was 'severe malnutrition' which upset the kids to no end. They felt that was somehow demeaning to them and their care of her, which of course, it was not.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's hard--but do take care of yourself. Death is so private and personal. Allow her and yourself the grace of patience and time. No one knows when another person's time is 'up'.
An MIL...her own bio family would have to come care for her..if her children aren't alive, her grandkids, her siblings' kids but, you can't think I'm going to take care of your mother or grandmother, or great-aunt... someone who's not even my mom, stop my life & you get to go live your best life. Not going to happen. Because I bet, a husband wouldn't do it..he'd place an ex or deceased wife's mother in a facility faster than you can blink!
My mother in law had been upset for years that she had been at her mother’s bedside nonstop, but her mother passed when she was out of the room for just a few minutes. She was so relieved to learn from the social worker that this may have been what her mother wanted.
PLEASE if you are mentally and physically exhausted ask Hospice for Respite.
They will place her in either an In Patient Unit or in a facility where they have a relationship, and the facility has a bed available.
Respite care is a benefit that Hospice provides and if your mom has been on Hospice a while I am saddened that they have not mentioned this.
There is also a program with Hospice called Vigil or Peaceful Passing. With the Vigil generally Trained Volunteers will take shifts to sit with a person at their end of life so that family can get a break or if the person is in a facility the Volunteer will be there so they are not alone.
Teach person has their own journey, their own time schedule.
If you talk to the Hospice Nurse or CNA they can give you other clues about signs of EOL. (End of Life)
Generally changes in breathing are common. Cheyne-Stokes or Agonal breathing.
Mottling of the skin. You will see this in the feet, legs first. Possibly on the back.
And..have you talked to mom, have you told her that you will be alright and that she can go, she has done her job raising you?
But again...PLEASE talk to the Nurse about a Volunteer that can come in and give you a break.