I'm feeling like my MIL is enjoying manipulating my husband. What can I do? - AgingCare.com

I'm feeling like my MIL is enjoying manipulating my husband. What can I do?

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She claims that she can't see and that's why she can't cook, clean, do her Bills, fill prescriptions, etc. but she will lie around all day reading magazines and ripping articles out for me. She claims that she has no appetite......except when I bring food over for her....then she. Is just fine. When my husband and I travel (we have arranged for her care when we are gone), she tries to make us feel guilty for leaving instead of being happy for us. she never asks questions about our trip, where we went, anything. Actually, she only asked questions that relate to her. If I mention something about myself or my family, she somehow makes it about her. Help. Anyone else dealing with this?

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Google " narcissistic personality disorder".

There are some folks who are lifelong narcissists, but there are also elderly folks whose worlds simply shrink as they get older; they seem to become unable to see any needs other than their own ( very much like very young children).

The solution is to set boundaries, decide what you can and can't do and make up your mind not to felt guilty when she manipulates.

Practise saying " no, I couldn't possibly do that" in a lighthearted voice.
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Dear Joy,

I know its hard. You and your husband are already doing so much and it doesn't sound like your MIL expresses a lot of appreciation for your efforts. I don't know if she does this because she is afraid of being alone and feels this is the only way to get attention.

I would try and talk to her and tell her this is how we feel and see what she says. I would go as far to say maybe it would be best if she went into assisted living or nursing home given her needs.

I feel continuing on this road can lead to a lot of anger and resentment. I know we all do our best but none of us like to feel we are being manipulated.
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