Does it seem like war? - AgingCare.com

Does it seem like war?

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I have realized that I am in a battle with my mother. If I stop looking after her, she wins. If I hold on until she dies, I win. I am not sure what we are fighting for, except to prove the other wrong. Anyone else in this mind set?

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Just wanted to let people know that in general I am feeling better. My mother somehow resurrected her sense of humor, and that helped a lot. Thank for all the answers.
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Glad to hear you’re feeling better Meallen. For me it’s not so much a war but more of

WILL I OUT LIVE THESE PEOPLE!

I’m in pretty good shape, all things considered, but I actually have thoughts about who would take care of my folks if I Die!?
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Thanks Reader

Ice pack on lower back, aleave pill, adult beverage, sweet wife who fed me tonight in my recliner. Not a bad life.

My 87 yr old Dad with dementia went to his eye doc today and then raked leaves for 2 hrs.   I can’t even stand up straight.  God help us all.....
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Joke:
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

Disclaimer:
It was a joke. Meant only for those who can enjoy it. Please don't shoot the messenger.
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I think everyone here feels like this at one time or another. If you read many of these posts there is a Battle Royal going on with parents, children, in-laws etc. As to what we win? I guess in my case it will be knowing I did my very best to keep my mom at home happy and healthy for as long as I can. Someday soon she may have to go somewhere for her dementia but I will have known I tried my best. And that my friend is all anyone can ever ask!
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I love it.
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I think sometimes it's a battle of wills: their side to behave like a child, our side
to provide the best care we can while still maintaining some semblance of a life.

Think about it, how would an adult who is functioning in a psychologically healthy
manner want to put undue burden on their child? Unless a parent is suffering
from Alzheimers or similar, they are attempting to make their child caretaker their
parent while they play the part of the spoiled child. Ironically I think many elders
would be happier with outside interests, activities and care givers . It's scary to think
how growing old can strip so many elders of their capacity for simple pleasures in
life.
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I never went into caring for my mom or my husband thinking it would be a war. This is because I give in too easily and think I am always at fault. Even if the actual “war”is over when your LO passes away, you still fight the battles in your mind. I usually win those :)
People tell me I have such a wonderful attitude. If they only knew...
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Dear meallen,

Thank you for the update. Glad to hear things are going better.

Me, too, Windyridge. I always thought that way too. Who would care for my elderly parents if something happened to me? Luckily it hasn't come to that. Hang in there my friend.
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I have a pretty good chance of outliving my mother (short of being hit by a bus). However, I am often consumed by worry about my daughters. Not one thing, it's another.
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