I have realized that I am in a battle with my mother. If I stop looking after her, she wins. If I hold on until she dies, I win. I am not sure what we are fighting for, except to prove the other wrong. Anyone else in this mind set?
I have a pretty good chance of outliving my mother (short of being hit by a bus). However, I am often consumed by worry about my daughters. Not one thing, it's another.
Thank you for the update. Glad to hear things are going better.
Me, too, Windyridge. I always thought that way too. Who would care for my elderly parents if something happened to me? Luckily it hasn't come to that. Hang in there my friend.
I never went into caring for my mom or my husband thinking it would be a war. This is because I give in too easily and think I am always at fault. Even if the actual “war”is over when your LO passes away, you still fight the battles in your mind. I usually win those :) People tell me I have such a wonderful attitude. If they only knew...
Just wanted to let people know that in general I am feeling better. My mother somehow resurrected her sense of humor, and that helped a lot. Thank for all the answers.
Caring for aging part is so hard. It is a struggle sometimes to think "am I doing the right thing?"
Remember to think of your own health and mental well being. Please know there are always options and resources to consider.
I thought I was "winning" but honoring my dad's wishes to come home. I thought I was giving him "good" care at home after the stroke. But managing his care did create a lot of resentment and anger with myself, my siblings. I failed to see how angry I was. I really needed to find counselling for myself or a senior's day home for him. Inside I was still that little kid who wanted to make my dad happy.
Try to hang on the best you can. That's all we can do. Thinking of you.
I think sometimes it's a battle of wills: their side to behave like a child, our side to provide the best care we can while still maintaining some semblance of a life.
Think about it, how would an adult who is functioning in a psychologically healthy manner want to put undue burden on their child? Unless a parent is suffering from Alzheimers or similar, they are attempting to make their child caretaker their parent while they play the part of the spoiled child. Ironically I think many elders would be happier with outside interests, activities and care givers . It's scary to think how growing old can strip so many elders of their capacity for simple pleasures in life.
I think everyone here feels like this at one time or another. If you read many of these posts there is a Battle Royal going on with parents, children, in-laws etc. As to what we win? I guess in my case it will be knowing I did my very best to keep my mom at home happy and healthy for as long as I can. Someday soon she may have to go somewhere for her dementia but I will have known I tried my best. And that my friend is all anyone can ever ask!
There are better jokes.
It is just that I don't have any, because every day, it is like a war!
With the exception of what is right winning, this all may not be worth the efforts.
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
Disclaimer:
It was a joke. Meant only for those who can enjoy it. Please don't shoot the messenger.
Ice pack on lower back, aleave pill, adult beverage, sweet wife who fed me tonight in my recliner. Not a bad life.
My 87 yr old Dad with dementia went to his eye doc today and then raked leaves for 2 hrs. I can’t even stand up straight. God help us all.....
Thank you for the update. Glad to hear things are going better.
Me, too, Windyridge. I always thought that way too. Who would care for my elderly parents if something happened to me? Luckily it hasn't come to that. Hang in there my friend.
People tell me I have such a wonderful attitude. If they only knew...
WILL I OUT LIVE THESE PEOPLE!
I’m in pretty good shape, all things considered, but I actually have thoughts about who would take care of my folks if I Die!?
Caring for aging part is so hard. It is a struggle sometimes to think "am I doing the right thing?"
Remember to think of your own health and mental well being. Please know there are always options and resources to consider.
I thought I was "winning" but honoring my dad's wishes to come home. I thought I was giving him "good" care at home after the stroke. But managing his care did create a lot of resentment and anger with myself, my siblings. I failed to see how angry I was. I really needed to find counselling for myself or a senior's day home for him. Inside I was still that little kid who wanted to make my dad happy.
Try to hang on the best you can. That's all we can do. Thinking of you.
to provide the best care we can while still maintaining some semblance of a life.
Think about it, how would an adult who is functioning in a psychologically healthy
manner want to put undue burden on their child? Unless a parent is suffering
from Alzheimers or similar, they are attempting to make their child caretaker their
parent while they play the part of the spoiled child. Ironically I think many elders
would be happier with outside interests, activities and care givers . It's scary to think
how growing old can strip so many elders of their capacity for simple pleasures in
life.