Is it bad to not want to get together with family for Easter?

Some people don’t benefit from being around family at holidays. Sometimes it’s wonderful just to be alone. You don’t own anyone an explanation, just say you need a day to relax or take care of yourself. Then do it.

I know Easter is already over, and I hope you were able to enjoy it. My husband and I have taken in my mother ( at her request) for about a month now. We have lived next door to my parents for over 30 years. For the most part it has been positive , but since my dad died, it has been much more difficult, and we, of course have always born the brunt of being taken for granted because we are the closest ones. I am the youngest of four. I am her DPOA, trust executor, emergency contact, and caretaker. My sister and brother in law are helpful too, but live 4 hours away. My brother is close, but is less helpful. Our family dynamics are perhaps typical: each one of us has been “assigned” a role and it seems impossible to get out of those pigeon holes. My role was/is that of “the B*****”. My entire life, I have been labeled this. My mom has a very cynical, snarky sense of “humor” and has always humiliated me with cruel comments. I won’t list them, but since I started taking care of her when the pandemic started ( have taken two leaves of absences to protect her from COVID and to care for her after a fall) I have told her all of the things she said to me as a child/teen that hurt me. She has never apologized. Anyway, long story short….back to Easter…, I asked my brother to come stay with mom for an hour or two the Saturday before Easter ( which he was invited to) so that I could go pick up the food. He hesitated and said ok, but felt the need to lecture me on the fact that he “has a life too, ya know!”
and how he hasn’t had a weekend in three weeks! I tried to contain myself, but he continued with such comments and I lost it! We had a loud argument, I told him not to bother coming over on Saturday nor on Easter. As soon as he left he called my mom and whined to her.
I could hear him because she had him on speakerphone and I have two monitors on at all times to hear my mom if she needs help. I told her what he said about his “life” and she defended HIM
and told ME to “grow up! “. (I am 60, he is 62) He does the least, gets the most, and it has always been that way. I attempted to talk with my mom about this twice and both times it did not turn out well. She does not see me and she does not hear me, nor does she acknowledge or appreciate all that my husband and I do for her. She takes, he takes, and yet I am the one taking care of her! Ironically, right after this happened the AL where she was on a waiting list called with an opening. So far, she is willing to go there, we have about two weeks to get things ready for her to move. Fingers crossed she will not change her mind. I will never kick her out. I have an unreasonable sense of duty and obligation, but I’m not sure we can do this long term. As it is, the AL facility is near our house so we will still be doing the bulk of anything she will need. It is sad that our relationship has to be this way, But reading the posts here, narcissistic, self absorbed, and manipulative mothers seem to be the norm. And favoritism of sons over daughters ( who do the work ) as well.
It helps to know this, but is so wrong nevertheless. Thanks for listening! I tried to restrain myself because there is soooooo much history here. Take care.

I was looking forward to a nice peaceful Easter without the in laws, but they insisted although so was at work.

So Nugget how did ur Day go.

Seems like you have some grief work that is not completed. Consider talking to a counsellor or joining a grief group to deal with these stress-filled feelings that come around Easter.

Create your own holiday. Take the time to walk and pray, away from family, if that's what you need.

Nugget3268: I suggest that you keep it as simple as possible and if you can't do it, then don't. My father passed away abruptly at age 50 on Good Friday in 1967 so Easter is hard for me, too. Hugs and love sent. To tell you the honest truth, I'm feeling sad this year myself.

HI Nugget - I totally understand how you feel. I experienced the same feeling as you described this year regarding Passover. The family dynamic has drastically changed in the last few years...there was a time that I remember sitting at a Passover seder and looking around at all of the faces at the table and feeling such an incredible feeling of peace and happiness being there - and for my family - these occasions meant everything to me. It couldn't be more opposite now - the most meaningful family members that I felt closest to have each passed away - it's become a small family now and what's left is just dysfunction after a host of family issues. So there were no seders this year - I didn't observe the holiday and it was a sad night for me - I had to continually push back my thoughts and emotions and snapshot memories coming to mind of very special moments of sedar nights from the past - when the family was in a very different place. Just know that you are not alone in your feelings - I'm sending you lots of love and great wishes for an easy, peaceful day ...and I hope the day's outcome is much better than you anticipated. XO

I thought we’d gotten a reprieve from the in laws given that he’s over there for his weekends. He’s working right now but mommy went right ahead and scheduled the Family Gathering.

It is important for you to do what is comfortable for you. Don't worry about what others say or do,
Is OK with you that your brother comes? Do you invite him or does he just "drop in?" Venting is not a bad thing - Do you discuss your unhappiness with your husband? Is he supportive?
I would only add that if your unhappiness is ongoing, that possibly seeing a counselor may be helpful for you, That can help you develop some ways to deal with the stress.

After I got married we usually spent holiday dinners at my parents or his parents house. The two times I did do a big dinner, I hated it.
After all that work, I couldn't even enjoy the meal. That was just for my family. My Mom would have up to 14 in her kitchen. This was for years. Christmas all she did was bake. My Aunt she would give one of those Charlie Potato Chips tins full of cookies. I asked her why she went thru all that trouble...for you kids. Me, I don't do anything I can't enjoy doing. Since my daughter is an RN and early on worked Christmas so others could be home for their kids, I started just having Lasagna, a nice salad, bread and homemade cookies. That way if she was running late, easy heat up. That daughter has picked up the gauntlet where Mom is concerned. She does the holiday meals and invites family and friends. Everyone brings a side or dessert. We eat, mingle a little and leave. Today, no plans. Not Church goers. Daughter is in training so not doinging anything.

Nugget, doubt if you canceled so hope your day will go smoothly. Happy Easter.

Today is Easter. I hope you're having a good one. Cherish the time you spend with your family who are still with you.

First do you believe in Easter? If not why celebrate I don’t think any holiday creates a requirement to see family. You have your own life live it.

Happy Easter, Everyone ! I've always loved Easter and am looking at a little bird in my Royal Poinciana tree in the front yard and listening to all the other ones talking and singing to one another. I love Easter and I love Spring.

One daughter is camping with her boyfriend mid-state forest, the other is studying for a test tomorrow as she starts an ER nursing program, after years in oncology. Son and wife moved to Arizona and are probably out hiking again. And so I am at home with 97 y.o. mom who is sleeping in this morning. Sadly we haven't been to church in years but will definitely watch the Facebook church service for the one we used to go to. I have been getting us ready to go on a cruise end of the week, so we will be home today, not dressing and going out to eat. But I am ok with that. I do miss the days of Easter egg hunts, church, and out to eat. But that's ok this year, because I have the privilege of helping mom at this time of her life. I am just living in the present today.

And I wish all of you a very Happy Easter... may it always be with us in our Hearts!!

All of the traditions that I cultivated when my now-grown kiddos were growing up are out the window and unfortunately that includes church-going. My only sibling is dead and the only family I have left are my two children and my 95 yo mother who has dementia. One of my kiddos is hiking the PCT and the other one is at the beach with her in-laws this weekend. I haven't been able to attend church in over two years because I can't leave my mother and don't have a Sunday morning sitter to stay with her.

This 24/7 caregiving gig has smothered any desire that I had for holidays, my birthday, Mother's Day, etc. We do Thanksgiving and Christmas at my home because I can't leave my mother, so most of it falls on me and frankly I'm over it. So I'm fine with being able to skip Easter.

I now have church on my own. I listen to J. Vernon McGee on Thru the Bible every morning as he goes through the Bible.

All of that to say .... life changes in unexpected ways and is short. Do what you can and let the rest go.

I'm not a fan of Eastet, either. You do not need to host any holiday if you do not want to. Is having your single brother over for a meal too much fuss and bother? Is your brother lonely and wanting to come over? Could he join you and your husband for whatever meal you would be having anyway? It's your house and if you ate the cook, you get to offet or not .

Dear Nugget. There are no "bad" feelings, just true expressions of whatever you feel for whatever reasons. If Easter has always been important to you, let it continue to be, just maybe differently. There is no "wrong" way for you to celebrate Easter. The Person we celebrate today knows EXACTLY how you feel. He is not judging or condemning you. He wants Easter to work for you, in whatever that means for you right now, given all your circumstances.

I'm struggling too with a decision to go to my joyful church celebration or go to a small chapel service with my brother at his nursing home. My brother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but I'm pretty sure he has had it for years. He relates to nothing. He recognizes me, but that's about it. It depresses me to be with him, yet I am the only relative he has and the only person who can bring him some Easter "brightness." I will visit my brother today as much for myself as for him. I know it's a cliche, but I ask myself, "What would Jesus do today?" I truly believe He will provide grace for whatever we feel we need to do or wherever we feel we need to be this Easter. Have a blessed day....in whatever way works for you.

Good Morning and Happy Easter! He is Risen!

Folks I have fond memories of being dressed to the hilt, white gloves, patent leather shoes and a hat. I was 5 at the time. Loved every minute of it. We had the Easter egg hunt in the backyard. Easter Vigil at Church, the buffet spread in our home for years. Mom was a full-time homemaker, 2 brothers and a sister,
lots of nieces and nephews.

Most of my friends, job opportunities, in life have come from my Church. I would be lost without it.

Fast forward I'm in my 50's now. The family home was sold after dad died. Who passed, got divorced, moved out-of-state. However, I bought tulips at the supermarket for people I know who are stuck in a nursing home.

I also bought an Easter sweet bread cut it up and bought plates and Easter cellophane and passed it out to the neighbors, especially those who live alone and wake up Easter morning solo. They can have their bread with their morning coffee.

Every person loved it. Of course, I went to dad's grave on Palm Sunday and bought him a plant and palm, again passed out palm to the neighbors who can't get out.

I also bought a pineapple rice pie at the bakery plugged in (2) coffee pots (regular & decaf) and invited (2) ladies over. One from Church, one from the neighborhood. My mother has Lewy Body, she can't go anywhere for a long period of time. Turns out the (2) ladies I invited attended the same college. They had a great time. A simple piece of pie and coffee and sit and chat--keep it simple. You need people but there wasn't a lot of clean up.

Next you can go on egreetings 123 and send out free Easter cards for those out-of-state.

If your burnt out from cooking and basically waiting on everyone else who thinks perhaps they are doing you a favor by showing up, why not order ham dinners from a restaurant, and dine at home. Again, vase of tulips on the table, etc. You get it. If you want company later invite them for dessert.

Things change and you have to go with it. You take the good memories with you. Last night I watched the Easter Vigil from the Vatican on tv live from Rome. Today the Church Eucharistic Minister will come with Communion and a Bulletin for my mother. They, too, will receive a pot of tulips that they can enjoy today and plant the bulbs in September.

Mom has to stay local but she is happy because the Easter Bunny bought her some new sunglasses! He is so practical! I'm going to Skype (free) my relatives in FL and my closest (4) cousins all received Easter cards in the mail. One emailed me yesterday and said she just got in from ICU hospital stay and received my card and was happy to hear from us. Don't underestimate the power of the pen. Especially those who live alone and are out-of-state.

Things change but don't deprive yourself of Easter. It is a big deal. He is Risen, Christ died on the Cross for you. It's reason to celebrate.

Good News--Jesus is Risen, he has risen from the dead!

Hope this helped...

I was not able to get the food for easter dinner . My Grand kids will send me videos of them hunting for Easter eggs . Easter is in your heart - it is a sign Of Spring . I have Not been able to get into the holidays this year . Bought a couple bunches of tulips . I am going to relax and enjoy the day .

Today on Easter just won't be the same since my mom passed away in December and I was her caretaker until the final end. Every year on this day we would go and have brunch and this year everyone are doing their own thing without all of us being together. At least my beautiful daughter and her boyfriend are picking me up and taking me to there apt., and having a cookout.
Have a Blessed Easter everyone and much love to all of you! xoxo

No is not a four letter word. Ok to use it, I'm doing it more, and I've been sleeping better at night.
Years ago, before I learned to say the No word, here's how one Easter went down for me while I was the primary care giver for my mother with late stage cancer. Sister and brother didn't get along very well at the time. So, silly me, I said I would make two (yes two) seperate Easter dinners so they could have some sort of holiday with Mom and not be around each other. I made, from scratch, two entirely differnt meals for them and their kids. Mom thought it was great. Of course no one offered to bring any thing-although I should have asked, but hey, I wanted everyone to have a nice time. Meal one was glazed ham, vegetables, baked potatoes and cake for dessert. Meal two was salmon, vegetables, rice and pie. The meals were four days apart. So, I was busy. It was a blur, but got through it.
Now, years later, I have learned to say no, never again to cooking like that now for anyone who will be visiting us-and dealing with my husband's dementia. I've ordered take out, gone to restaurants. Have had to repeat to my husband (ya know-dementia) that I am not cooking, cleaning (ya know, the company coming kind of cleaning stuff) for anyone this time around as a caregiver. I simply can not do it. It's too much. Nor do people care, they think all we do is while away the hours as we enjoy the blissful state of caring (insert angelic music here) for those who can't care for themselves. Magically making everything run smoothly, gracefully and with joy in our hearts always doing everything perfectly.
Two weeks ago, made a brunch reservation for the two of us at a very nice local restaurant for Easter. Don't know what they'll be serving, food has been very good in the past, and am quite sure we will have a very nice time.

I belong to a local recreation center that is Jewish so they are open on all the Christian holidays. I go there and swim or work out and avoid any family nonsense.

I do get puzzled by the US tradition of so many large and stressful family holiday dinners. In OZ, everything is closed on Good Friday. Even for non-Christians, it’s not treated as a fun time. On Easter Sunday, the morning revolves around children looking for hidden Easter eggs. As rabbits are such a trial in Oz, there is a push to replace the Easter Bunny with an Easter Bilby, one of the small native furry creatures that no-one sees because they are nocturnal. Chocolate bilbies are all the go! Neither bilbies or bunnies lay eggs, but that never seems to worry children.

Easter is autumn here, and the weather is usually very pleasant. Many many families go away camping for the weekend, and the rivers are often lined with tents. Easter Sunday lunch is normally a very simple BBQ. Tea with grandma perhaps, but I don’t know anyone who even thinks about catering for 25 relations.

Whatever you do, I hope you all manage to enjoy yourselves.

Another day on the calendar

We have no plans. The people who used to do the big dinners are gone. Siblings don't live near. One daughter is Vegan and the other has been in training for 2 weeks. She is usually the one that cooks for friends and family. I just walk over, eat and run. Nice.

Do what you want. Order out, rent a movie and enjoy ur day.

Every Easter, I used to order a Qdoba Mexican buffet taco bar with extra guacamole and chips, go pick up a Tres Leche cake made by a local authentic Mexican bakery, and make 2 types of frozen margaritas in salt rimmed glasses. Everybody had a blast and there was no stress for ME about cooking or clean up. DH would go pick up the buffet trays with sternos which were tin pans to throw out afterward, I had Chinet plastic plates, so all that needed washing later was the margarita glasses. My son chipped in for the cost, and that was that. Last year the plague ruined everything, and this year we're getting ready to leave for an extended medical trip in a week. So no fiesta for us. Why not do something fun and stress free yourself this year?

Nugget, your dad asked what you're making for Easter? Tell him "reservations ". Then inform bro you're going Dutch, and have a lovely afternoon.

You and husband need to do what makes you happy. The holidays are overrated and it gets old always being the ones to coordinate and plan the event.
You do not need the extra stress.

My husband and I will go to early church and grab breakfast. We have children & grandchildren but everyone is doing their own things. My daughter's MIL, 65, was killed in a car accident in December. I just had a mild stroke @ 65 & am having heart surgery in a month. Need peace and rest now.

We care for my mom 85 & his aunt 93 and they both have sitters part time at their homes.

Too much right now.

Why don't you turn your otherwise stressful and sad time at Ester into a more positive experience and offer to volunteer at your local soup kitchen or even deliver meals for Meal On Wheels, or the like? That way it will get your mind off of yourself and your stress/sadness, and will allow you to think of others and perhaps even put a smile on a few faces. Just a thought.

Do what ever you want to do. Don't be too concerned with other peoples feelings.
Time for your brother to grow up and put on big boy pants. He can make a reservation or bring take out or cook for the four of you just as easily as you can.
Tell him how tired you are just like you did here on this forum. If he really cares for you as a sister he'll get it.