Is it bad to not want to get together with family for Easter?

So do something different this weekend. Your brother likely won't mind at all.

Treat this weekend like any other one -- mow the lawn, go to the movies, get Chinese food -- anything that will tell you that it's just another day, because it is.

You aren't feeling up to it, so don't do it. Follow your gut/heart. You are entitled to do what you want to do. I understand where you are coming from. I am going up to see my Mom on Saturday, for the day. I cannot do the actual Holiday days with her. I am entitled to do what I want to do. Put up with enough $%^&*#@ in my lifetime with her & still do. I always say I celebrate around the Holiday..stretch it out. My grown Kids have other family where we live & I will NOT put them thru what I felt much of my lifetime. You should enjoy the days for YOU! Not selfish to put your own needs & desires in priority position here. When you feel up to it, you will get together with them again for another occasion. Your expressing what you did ..tells me you know exactly what you want to do. So go with that! You will be much happier. Life is short!

You know what is bad? Doing something you don't want to do and then resenting it, and feeling worse and worse about it year on year. That's bad.

What would you like to do instead of hosting the family get-together? Do that. Tell your family, with all love and kindness, that you and DH are - whatever. Playing bridge. Waterskiing, A sponsored walk on Kilimanjaro. Watching the grass grow. - and they must make their own arrangements. Send them an Easter basket if you feel so inclined, not if you don't.

Learning to please yourself is a skill we all need to work on, I think.

Assuming it's too late this year, tomorrow being Good Friday and all, and you're lumbered like it or not, you will have to throw yourself into the spirit of the occasion for this last time and make it enjoyable for everyone else even if you can't manage it for yourself. Let the sad commemorations wait until afterwards.

When I had the younger generation over for the holidays from out-of-State [older generation had since passed] I found it so very disappointing. All that cleaning and work involved for the meal, never again, not at my age.

One Thanksgiving the grown daughter and her teen girls said they would be over [they stayed at hotel] to help get the turkey ready, etc. They showed up just in time to eat. I was too exhausted to even remember what everything tasted.

They spent the vast majority of their time on their iPhones, the parent was just as much at fault. We tried to get conversations going, but that lasted only a few minutes, and wham they were back on their phones like what was on the screen was more important..... [sigh].

In my opinion it would be pretty inconsiderate to change what has become an established expectation this close to the actual date, the time to bow out was a month or more ago. Even so perhaps you could still make arrangements for the four of you to get together at a restaurant, that way you are off the hook for cooking and everyone will be on their best behaviour. Even better there is a time limit to how long you remain at a restaurant so everyone is free to go their separate ways after an hour.

I can empathize. My brother asked a couple of weeks ago if there were any plans for Easter. Other brother said he's been too busy to think about it. I had Thanksgiving and Christmas at my house; also during this period my stepmother, brother, and MIL all died and we are now facing the enormous task of cleaning out MIL's place. I just can't do another holiday for 25+ people. I'd say just be honest and tell them you're not up to it this time. Peace to you.

I'd be tempted to tell your brother that he gets to have dad for the day (in your profile you said he doesn't help at all). And then you and your H can do whatever you want without them!

If your brother and your dad don't get along at all, then why does your brother even want to come? Free food?

Nugget - your Dad left it until Maundy Thursday to ask what "we're" doing for Easter?

It just makes me wonder. Do you think his heart might be sinking as low as yours has been?

If he and bro don't get on, would it be easier going if you had them one at a time?

Do what ever you want to do. Don't be too concerned with other peoples feelings.
Time for your brother to grow up and put on big boy pants. He can make a reservation or bring take out or cook for the four of you just as easily as you can.
Tell him how tired you are just like you did here on this forum. If he really cares for you as a sister he'll get it.

Why don't you turn your otherwise stressful and sad time at Ester into a more positive experience and offer to volunteer at your local soup kitchen or even deliver meals for Meal On Wheels, or the like? That way it will get your mind off of yourself and your stress/sadness, and will allow you to think of others and perhaps even put a smile on a few faces. Just a thought.

You and husband need to do what makes you happy. The holidays are overrated and it gets old always being the ones to coordinate and plan the event.
You do not need the extra stress.

My husband and I will go to early church and grab breakfast. We have children & grandchildren but everyone is doing their own things. My daughter's MIL, 65, was killed in a car accident in December. I just had a mild stroke @ 65 & am having heart surgery in a month. Need peace and rest now.

We care for my mom 85 & his aunt 93 and they both have sitters part time at their homes.

Too much right now.

Nugget, your dad asked what you're making for Easter? Tell him "reservations ". Then inform bro you're going Dutch, and have a lovely afternoon.

Every Easter, I used to order a Qdoba Mexican buffet taco bar with extra guacamole and chips, go pick up a Tres Leche cake made by a local authentic Mexican bakery, and make 2 types of frozen margaritas in salt rimmed glasses. Everybody had a blast and there was no stress for ME about cooking or clean up. DH would go pick up the buffet trays with sternos which were tin pans to throw out afterward, I had Chinet plastic plates, so all that needed washing later was the margarita glasses. My son chipped in for the cost, and that was that. Last year the plague ruined everything, and this year we're getting ready to leave for an extended medical trip in a week. So no fiesta for us. Why not do something fun and stress free yourself this year?

We have no plans. The people who used to do the big dinners are gone. Siblings don't live near. One daughter is Vegan and the other has been in training for 2 weeks. She is usually the one that cooks for friends and family. I just walk over, eat and run. Nice.

Do what you want. Order out, rent a movie and enjoy ur day.

Another day on the calendar

I do get puzzled by the US tradition of so many large and stressful family holiday dinners. In OZ, everything is closed on Good Friday. Even for non-Christians, it’s not treated as a fun time. On Easter Sunday, the morning revolves around children looking for hidden Easter eggs. As rabbits are such a trial in Oz, there is a push to replace the Easter Bunny with an Easter Bilby, one of the small native furry creatures that no-one sees because they are nocturnal. Chocolate bilbies are all the go! Neither bilbies or bunnies lay eggs, but that never seems to worry children.

Easter is autumn here, and the weather is usually very pleasant. Many many families go away camping for the weekend, and the rivers are often lined with tents. Easter Sunday lunch is normally a very simple BBQ. Tea with grandma perhaps, but I don’t know anyone who even thinks about catering for 25 relations.

Whatever you do, I hope you all manage to enjoy yourselves.

I belong to a local recreation center that is Jewish so they are open on all the Christian holidays. I go there and swim or work out and avoid any family nonsense.

No is not a four letter word. Ok to use it, I'm doing it more, and I've been sleeping better at night.
Years ago, before I learned to say the No word, here's how one Easter went down for me while I was the primary care giver for my mother with late stage cancer. Sister and brother didn't get along very well at the time. So, silly me, I said I would make two (yes two) seperate Easter dinners so they could have some sort of holiday with Mom and not be around each other. I made, from scratch, two entirely differnt meals for them and their kids. Mom thought it was great. Of course no one offered to bring any thing-although I should have asked, but hey, I wanted everyone to have a nice time. Meal one was glazed ham, vegetables, baked potatoes and cake for dessert. Meal two was salmon, vegetables, rice and pie. The meals were four days apart. So, I was busy. It was a blur, but got through it.
Now, years later, I have learned to say no, never again to cooking like that now for anyone who will be visiting us-and dealing with my husband's dementia. I've ordered take out, gone to restaurants. Have had to repeat to my husband (ya know-dementia) that I am not cooking, cleaning (ya know, the company coming kind of cleaning stuff) for anyone this time around as a caregiver. I simply can not do it. It's too much. Nor do people care, they think all we do is while away the hours as we enjoy the blissful state of caring (insert angelic music here) for those who can't care for themselves. Magically making everything run smoothly, gracefully and with joy in our hearts always doing everything perfectly.
Two weeks ago, made a brunch reservation for the two of us at a very nice local restaurant for Easter. Don't know what they'll be serving, food has been very good in the past, and am quite sure we will have a very nice time.

Today on Easter just won't be the same since my mom passed away in December and I was her caretaker until the final end. Every year on this day we would go and have brunch and this year everyone are doing their own thing without all of us being together. At least my beautiful daughter and her boyfriend are picking me up and taking me to there apt., and having a cookout.
Have a Blessed Easter everyone and much love to all of you! xoxo

I was not able to get the food for easter dinner . My Grand kids will send me videos of them hunting for Easter eggs . Easter is in your heart - it is a sign Of Spring . I have Not been able to get into the holidays this year . Bought a couple bunches of tulips . I am going to relax and enjoy the day .

Good Morning and Happy Easter! He is Risen!

Folks I have fond memories of being dressed to the hilt, white gloves, patent leather shoes and a hat. I was 5 at the time. Loved every minute of it. We had the Easter egg hunt in the backyard. Easter Vigil at Church, the buffet spread in our home for years. Mom was a full-time homemaker, 2 brothers and a sister,
lots of nieces and nephews.

Most of my friends, job opportunities, in life have come from my Church. I would be lost without it.

Fast forward I'm in my 50's now. The family home was sold after dad died. Who passed, got divorced, moved out-of-state. However, I bought tulips at the supermarket for people I know who are stuck in a nursing home.

I also bought an Easter sweet bread cut it up and bought plates and Easter cellophane and passed it out to the neighbors, especially those who live alone and wake up Easter morning solo. They can have their bread with their morning coffee.

Every person loved it. Of course, I went to dad's grave on Palm Sunday and bought him a plant and palm, again passed out palm to the neighbors who can't get out.

I also bought a pineapple rice pie at the bakery plugged in (2) coffee pots (regular & decaf) and invited (2) ladies over. One from Church, one from the neighborhood. My mother has Lewy Body, she can't go anywhere for a long period of time. Turns out the (2) ladies I invited attended the same college. They had a great time. A simple piece of pie and coffee and sit and chat--keep it simple. You need people but there wasn't a lot of clean up.

Next you can go on egreetings 123 and send out free Easter cards for those out-of-state.

If your burnt out from cooking and basically waiting on everyone else who thinks perhaps they are doing you a favor by showing up, why not order ham dinners from a restaurant, and dine at home. Again, vase of tulips on the table, etc. You get it. If you want company later invite them for dessert.

Things change and you have to go with it. You take the good memories with you. Last night I watched the Easter Vigil from the Vatican on tv live from Rome. Today the Church Eucharistic Minister will come with Communion and a Bulletin for my mother. They, too, will receive a pot of tulips that they can enjoy today and plant the bulbs in September.

Mom has to stay local but she is happy because the Easter Bunny bought her some new sunglasses! He is so practical! I'm going to Skype (free) my relatives in FL and my closest (4) cousins all received Easter cards in the mail. One emailed me yesterday and said she just got in from ICU hospital stay and received my card and was happy to hear from us. Don't underestimate the power of the pen. Especially those who live alone and are out-of-state.

Things change but don't deprive yourself of Easter. It is a big deal. He is Risen, Christ died on the Cross for you. It's reason to celebrate.

Good News--Jesus is Risen, he has risen from the dead!

Hope this helped...

Dear Nugget. There are no "bad" feelings, just true expressions of whatever you feel for whatever reasons. If Easter has always been important to you, let it continue to be, just maybe differently. There is no "wrong" way for you to celebrate Easter. The Person we celebrate today knows EXACTLY how you feel. He is not judging or condemning you. He wants Easter to work for you, in whatever that means for you right now, given all your circumstances.

I'm struggling too with a decision to go to my joyful church celebration or go to a small chapel service with my brother at his nursing home. My brother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but I'm pretty sure he has had it for years. He relates to nothing. He recognizes me, but that's about it. It depresses me to be with him, yet I am the only relative he has and the only person who can bring him some Easter "brightness." I will visit my brother today as much for myself as for him. I know it's a cliche, but I ask myself, "What would Jesus do today?" I truly believe He will provide grace for whatever we feel we need to do or wherever we feel we need to be this Easter. Have a blessed day....in whatever way works for you.

I'm not a fan of Eastet, either. You do not need to host any holiday if you do not want to. Is having your single brother over for a meal too much fuss and bother? Is your brother lonely and wanting to come over? Could he join you and your husband for whatever meal you would be having anyway? It's your house and if you ate the cook, you get to offet or not .

All of the traditions that I cultivated when my now-grown kiddos were growing up are out the window and unfortunately that includes church-going. My only sibling is dead and the only family I have left are my two children and my 95 yo mother who has dementia. One of my kiddos is hiking the PCT and the other one is at the beach with her in-laws this weekend. I haven't been able to attend church in over two years because I can't leave my mother and don't have a Sunday morning sitter to stay with her.

This 24/7 caregiving gig has smothered any desire that I had for holidays, my birthday, Mother's Day, etc. We do Thanksgiving and Christmas at my home because I can't leave my mother, so most of it falls on me and frankly I'm over it. So I'm fine with being able to skip Easter.

I now have church on my own. I listen to J. Vernon McGee on Thru the Bible every morning as he goes through the Bible.

All of that to say .... life changes in unexpected ways and is short. Do what you can and let the rest go.

Happy Easter, Everyone ! I've always loved Easter and am looking at a little bird in my Royal Poinciana tree in the front yard and listening to all the other ones talking and singing to one another. I love Easter and I love Spring.

One daughter is camping with her boyfriend mid-state forest, the other is studying for a test tomorrow as she starts an ER nursing program, after years in oncology. Son and wife moved to Arizona and are probably out hiking again. And so I am at home with 97 y.o. mom who is sleeping in this morning. Sadly we haven't been to church in years but will definitely watch the Facebook church service for the one we used to go to. I have been getting us ready to go on a cruise end of the week, so we will be home today, not dressing and going out to eat. But I am ok with that. I do miss the days of Easter egg hunts, church, and out to eat. But that's ok this year, because I have the privilege of helping mom at this time of her life. I am just living in the present today.

And I wish all of you a very Happy Easter... may it always be with us in our Hearts!!

First do you believe in Easter? If not why celebrate I don’t think any holiday creates a requirement to see family. You have your own life live it.

Today is Easter. I hope you're having a good one. Cherish the time you spend with your family who are still with you.

After I got married we usually spent holiday dinners at my parents or his parents house. The two times I did do a big dinner, I hated it.
After all that work, I couldn't even enjoy the meal. That was just for my family. My Mom would have up to 14 in her kitchen. This was for years. Christmas all she did was bake. My Aunt she would give one of those Charlie Potato Chips tins full of cookies. I asked her why she went thru all that trouble...for you kids. Me, I don't do anything I can't enjoy doing. Since my daughter is an RN and early on worked Christmas so others could be home for their kids, I started just having Lasagna, a nice salad, bread and homemade cookies. That way if she was running late, easy heat up. That daughter has picked up the gauntlet where Mom is concerned. She does the holiday meals and invites family and friends. Everyone brings a side or dessert. We eat, mingle a little and leave. Today, no plans. Not Church goers. Daughter is in training so not doinging anything.

Nugget, doubt if you canceled so hope your day will go smoothly. Happy Easter.

It is important for you to do what is comfortable for you. Don't worry about what others say or do,
Is OK with you that your brother comes? Do you invite him or does he just "drop in?" Venting is not a bad thing - Do you discuss your unhappiness with your husband? Is he supportive?
I would only add that if your unhappiness is ongoing, that possibly seeing a counselor may be helpful for you, That can help you develop some ways to deal with the stress.

I thought we’d gotten a reprieve from the in laws given that he’s over there for his weekends. He’s working right now but mommy went right ahead and scheduled the Family Gathering.