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I can no longer handle my father’s disrespectful behavior and no longer wish to be his POA. He’s currently in an Assisted Living facility in Louisiana. He has no one willing to take over.
My late mother had a nasty way with her bipolar behavior. I was her medical & financial POA. I also was unemployed and Had to seek work after my temporary employer released me because received too many telephone calls from my mother begging me to take her home, and questions from her CA AL staff. My brother got her an ombudsman to talk with her and then had to move her from her CA familiar area to an AL in OR. I was was told to call her frequently, I had time to call only once weekly. I got very tired of being a remote agent and turned over all my responsibilities to my second in line agent brother,
Speak to care people or legal id gave a word with father first to give him ultimation to change if he’s always been like this then whatever happens happens but if the behaviour is new then his doctor should address it was the poa financial ( no need to answer) is father expecting to leave you assets? Maybe that’s why he feels he can be rude it needs pulling up od start with you are being very disrespectful towards me and if it continues then I won’t be visiting to be insulted/abused so we need an agreement if he’s u reasonable he’ll prob tell u he doesn’t want you as poa why not say you’re going on holiday have a two week break no calls then see how you feel and how it can be addressed in your return you’ll be in a better position to address it from a calmer mind I hope something works out for everyone best,
1) Speak to the administrator. They should have some referrals on how to proceed. 2) I believe a person would become a ward of the state. 3) Hire an attorney or contact the attorney who wrote it up.
I feel sad that your relationship has gotten to - or is at this point - although equally elated that you have made a decision to take care of yourself and know your limits / boundaries.
You may have a history of interacting with your father to the degree you feel or experience his wrath as a lack of respect or worse - towards you, 'it could be' the dementia [severe-serious mental and physical] decline talking or abject fear of the unknowns. Still, it is essential you take care of yourself as best you can and I applaud you for bowing out showing self-esteem / self-worth / self-love.
If there are any other legal matters you need in order, take care of this first - if it supports your legal needs in the future.
Jeska, if you don’t mind can you elaborate a bit more as to what he’s doing and how long has he been in this AL. And how was the admission papers done and how it Al being paid. Vent please & be descriptive, ok?
Also right now are you a signatory on all banking or other financials for him? Like you are a signature on his checking account (not an owner) so you can do an Online Banking to see just what’s what. If he has investments is his financial advisor able to speak with you &/or you can see his stamens from the FAs firm? If he had a home and sold it, were you at all involved in any of the process OR did it do it and then you found out afterwards. Ditto for any cars or land.
Are you to be Executor as per his will AND are U a legal resident of LA?
Im asking as I’m in NOLA (not an attorney btw) and have dealt with elder stuff. Our laws are French based so a bit different in how familial responsibility intertwining is viewed. There will be things you have to do to CYA when you resign S POA, if that is what you eventually decide to do.
I've resigned POA. In my state, it was required to fill out a form, have it witnessed and notarized, and send it to the family member who imposed it upon me. I sent it with return receipt requested so I'd know that it had been received. It was easy. Found the form for my state online, filled it out, took it to the bank where I had free notary services, then arranged for its delivery.
Another time I was appointed co-POA without being consulted. My co-POA was an adult child of this relative, and I knew I couldn't work with that person, who was inept in managing her own business much less anyone else's. In other words, I'd have been left to do everything myself due to co-POA's incompetence. I didn't want to create a family feud over this because the relative couldn't tolerate any criticism or implied criticism of her golden child. So I just let it be. Fortunately, the POA was never invoked, but if it had been, I would have immediately submitted my resignation and let Golden Child create chaos on her own. It would have been great entertainment!
It was pretty easy to get removed as POA in my state too. I went in person to the probate court and they gave me the paperwork to fill out. The notary is on the premises and did it there, so I didn't have to find one.
If you are his durable or financial PoA you are not obligated/required/expected legally to visit him or check on him -- only if you are his medical PoA or legal guardian.
You can get yourself removed as POA by going down to the probate court in the town your father lives in and doing certain paperwork to get removed. If he has no one willing to take over, the court will appoint someone (usually a lawyer or social worker) to become POA.
You do know that as his POA you are not obligated to tolerate any direspectful behavior, verbal abuse, complaining or anything else from the person you have it for. Your job as the POA (if it's for both medical and financial) is to administer your father's money properly (i.e. paying his bills on time, buying or selling property, and acting in his best financial interests). Then there's the other part which is making his medical decisions in hs best interests if he is or incapacitated incompetent. You are also entitled to payment for POA services paid out of your father's income.
A POA arranges adequate care for a person and does welfare check on that person usually once a week or every two weeks. If they're not being cared for or refusing help, APS or the state's Ombudsman gets called by the POA. You can even send a person you appoint to go and check on the person then report back to you. This is what I did. I had a POA for a relative. I would not tolerate the abusive, belligerent behavior when I checked on them weekly. So, I asked the police to do weekly wellness checks. They did and would let me know. When this person was arrested and put on a 72-hour psych hold, I went to the probate court and resigned the POA. The court appointed another one.
My sister wanted to resign and my brother and I asked her not to resign. It was the only avenue we would have when he became unable to make any decisions, sell his house to care for him or talk to his doctor, etc. I am grateful she didn’t resign. She just quit talking to him and he found other people to talk to and complain. I am glad she didn’t resign because we needed a document researched that he recklessly signed and she was able to get the copy and have an attorney write a letter stating the abuse of the company and to cease communications except to her…..they dropped off the planet. This is a phase and if you can limit your communications or not have any unless someone else calls you for your input, I would not resign.
Being POA does not mean you have to visit or do for him. You can still, though, handle his money and talk to medical staff.
As POA, you can have anything he wants or needs shipped to him, out of his money. You can hire someone to do his shopping, with his money. Needs rides to doctors, the AL should have a Van and the County Office of Aging a bus. Use the resourses available to him. You can go no contact. Don't answer his calls. Explain what your doing to the Director. That you will only answer calls from them.
If you really want to resign POA, thats OK, but be aware that if he can't make decisions on his own, the State may need to step in and become his guardian. You will have no say in how they handle his life. Please, do not feel guilty if you chose this path. Some parents are abusive and you need to walk away.
I had POA for a couple of people including my parent. The POA is supposed to literally see the person weekly or at least every two weeks to check on their personal welfare. If they cannot, then they're supposed to have someone who does this.
If your father is mentally capable of understanding it is as simple as this: 1. Dear Dad, I am unable to continue to act as your POA. This letter is my resignation effective ______________. Give the date. Sign the letter. Be certain you have his name and address on it so that any entity knows that you WERE and are no longer his POA. 2. Go to any and all entities with whom you are functioning as POA. Have your name removed as POA on ALL account, on all bills, at his facility, with his doctor, and etc.
If your father is no longer competent such a simple action as the above could be considered abandonment, and resigning will require an attorney who will register your resignation with the courts and the courts will appoint a Fiduciary who will be paid to take over. Do know thereafter you will have ZERO TO SAY and NO KNOWLEDGE of your father's financial status, his placement, etc. unless the Fiduciary wishes to share any information with you, so be sure you are very friendly with said court appointed person.
Best of luck. It is, to be honest IMPOSSIBLE to function as fiduciary for someone uncooperative and unappreciative. It is an onerous job. Be certain to be ready to hand over all your records to the next acting as Legal Fiduciary for your Dad.
His behavior could be the beginnings (or middle) of dementia. No one needs to tolerate being mistreated but if this is newish behavior he could have another issue going on, like a UTI, a medication problem (over or under dose), had a stroke, or other symptoms if he has diabetes or COPD or HBP. So, before you go through the formality of resigning, maybe see if he can get some medical attention first to make sure none of those conditions are what is causing his behavior.
The way you resign will depend upon which state your PoA is in. Please do a browser search to find out. If you are both his medical and financial PoA then you may need to submit the resignation at whatever clinics and banks and financial institutions he uses.
You must submit it to the facility and let them know that you are no longer his contact person for financial and medical issues. If the facility has a social worker, then this person needs to know that your Dad is a vulnerable adult. He will eventually get a court-assigned 3rd party guardian and you will not have an access or be allowed knowledge of any further medical or financial management and status. You will be able to visit him, wherever he is residing. Our family's experience with a court-assign guardian for my jerk of a SFIL was a good one.
I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you work through a decision.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
id gave a word with father first to give him ultimation
to change
if he’s always been like this then whatever happens happens but if the behaviour is new then his doctor should address it
was the poa financial ( no need to answer) is father expecting to leave you assets? Maybe that’s why he feels he can be rude
it needs pulling up
od start with you are being very disrespectful towards me and if it continues then I won’t be visiting to be insulted/abused so we need an agreement
if he’s u reasonable he’ll prob tell u he doesn’t want you as poa
why not say you’re going on holiday
have a two week break no calls then see how you feel and how it can be addressed in your return
you’ll be in a better position to address it from a calmer mind
I hope something works out for everyone
best,
1) Speak to the administrator. They should have some referrals on how to proceed.
2) I believe a person would become a ward of the state.
3) Hire an attorney or contact the attorney who wrote it up.
I feel sad that your relationship has gotten to - or is at this point - although equally elated that you have made a decision to take care of yourself and know your limits / boundaries.
You may have a history of interacting with your father to the degree you feel or experience his wrath as a lack of respect or worse - towards you, 'it could be' the dementia [severe-serious mental and physical] decline talking or abject fear of the unknowns. Still, it is essential you take care of yourself as best you can and I applaud you for bowing out showing self-esteem / self-worth / self-love.
If there are any other legal matters you need in order, take care of this first - if it supports your legal needs in the future.
Gena / Touch Matters
Also right now are you a signatory on all banking or other financials for him? Like you are a signature on his checking account (not an owner) so you can do an Online Banking to see just what’s what. If he has investments is his financial advisor able to speak with you &/or you can see his stamens from the FAs firm? If he had a home and sold it, were you at all involved in any of the process OR did it do it and then you found out afterwards. Ditto for any cars or land.
Are you to be Executor as per his will AND are U a legal resident of LA?
Im asking as I’m in NOLA (not an attorney btw) and have dealt with elder stuff. Our laws are French based so a bit different in how familial responsibility intertwining is viewed. There will be things you have to do to CYA when you resign S POA, if that is what you eventually decide to do.
Another time I was appointed co-POA without being consulted. My co-POA was an adult child of this relative, and I knew I couldn't work with that person, who was inept in managing her own business much less anyone else's. In other words, I'd have been left to do everything myself due to co-POA's incompetence. I didn't want to create a family feud over this because the relative couldn't tolerate any criticism or implied criticism of her golden child. So I just let it be. Fortunately, the POA was never invoked, but if it had been, I would have immediately submitted my resignation and let Golden Child create chaos on her own. It would have been great entertainment!
You do know that as his POA you are not obligated to tolerate any direspectful behavior, verbal abuse, complaining or anything else from the person you have it for. Your job as the POA (if it's for both medical and financial) is to administer your father's money properly (i.e. paying his bills on time, buying or selling property, and acting in his best financial interests). Then there's the other part which is making his medical decisions in hs best interests if he is or incapacitated incompetent. You are also entitled to payment for POA services paid out of your father's income.
A POA arranges adequate care for a person and does welfare check on that person usually once a week or every two weeks. If they're not being cared for or refusing help, APS or the state's Ombudsman gets called by the POA. You can even send a person you appoint to go and check on the person then report back to you. This is what I did. I had a POA for a relative. I would not tolerate the abusive, belligerent behavior when I checked on them weekly. So, I asked the police to do weekly wellness checks. They did and would let me know. When this person was arrested and put on a 72-hour psych hold, I went to the probate court and resigned the POA. The court appointed another one.
As POA, you can have anything he wants or needs shipped to him, out of his money. You can hire someone to do his shopping, with his money. Needs rides to doctors, the AL should have a Van and the County Office of Aging a bus. Use the resourses available to him. You can go no contact. Don't answer his calls. Explain what your doing to the Director. That you will only answer calls from them.
If you really want to resign POA, thats OK, but be aware that if he can't make decisions on his own, the State may need to step in and become his guardian. You will have no say in how they handle his life. Please, do not feel guilty if you chose this path. Some parents are abusive and you need to walk away.
I had POA for a couple of people including my parent. The POA is supposed to literally see the person weekly or at least every two weeks to check on their personal welfare. If they cannot, then they're supposed to have someone who does this.
1. Dear Dad, I am unable to continue to act as your POA. This letter is my resignation effective ______________. Give the date. Sign the letter. Be certain you have his name and address on it so that any entity knows that you WERE and are no longer his POA.
2. Go to any and all entities with whom you are functioning as POA. Have your name removed as POA on ALL account, on all bills, at his facility, with his doctor, and etc.
If your father is no longer competent such a simple action as the above could be considered abandonment, and resigning will require an attorney who will register your resignation with the courts and the courts will appoint a Fiduciary who will be paid to take over. Do know thereafter you will have ZERO TO SAY and NO KNOWLEDGE of your father's financial status, his placement, etc. unless the Fiduciary wishes to share any information with you, so be sure you are very friendly with said court appointed person.
Best of luck.
It is, to be honest IMPOSSIBLE to function as fiduciary for someone uncooperative and unappreciative. It is an onerous job.
Be certain to be ready to hand over all your records to the next acting as Legal Fiduciary for your Dad.
The way you resign will depend upon which state your PoA is in. Please do a browser search to find out. If you are both his medical and financial PoA then you may need to submit the resignation at whatever clinics and banks and financial institutions he uses.
You must submit it to the facility and let them know that you are no longer his contact person for financial and medical issues. If the facility has a social worker, then this person needs to know that your Dad is a vulnerable adult. He will eventually get a court-assigned 3rd party guardian and you will not have an access or be allowed knowledge of any further medical or financial management and status. You will be able to visit him, wherever he is residing. Our family's experience with a court-assign guardian for my jerk of a SFIL was a good one.
I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you work through a decision.