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3 weeks have passed since my mothers passing. I am not sure how I should be feeling half the time. I still feel somewhat lost as to how to heal from all of my mom's narcissistic traits made worse by her dementia. She died peacefully so that I am somewhat glad about. After caring for her for 27 years it's left me burned out somewhat. I did have to return her to a skilled nursing home. Which was a blessing. I hope mom has finally found the peace she so long for, but never granted to me. I try to focus on her more positive traits and there is where I grieve. Still I do have trouble with the usual abusive issues she has left me with, but I slowly making a little progress. I am loving the life I have at the moment and still caring for people in the way I know how. My boyfriend and his children and even his ex whom my boyfriend, and I as well, are on wonderful terms with as a whole, have giving me as much support as I have received here over the last 18 months or 2 years. Last May 20, 2019 was the first change, my mom accepting help from those she needs and 5 days later I reunited with the guy who is now my boyfriend. A few weeks later I turned 50! I was ready for a change! But wow has it changed. Mom was still abusive to me until a month before she passed. She got really sick and an infection just took her health and wrecked it more. She had it before too. Anyway. Still picking up the piece that she left behind. Slowly, working my way out of burnout, but in a loving environment with kids around not less. Thanks for all your guidance and help --- this goes for everyone in the forum! :)

Seems your on the right road. Forgive her, she had a personality disorder. Cherish the times you did have. Let the rest just fade away. Don't be surprised if something triggers something. Work thru it and let it go.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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My own experience was a J-curve, like the economists say. I felt worse for a while, as the adrenaline of the end faded and I thought more about the steps to the end. Then gradually the pain faded. Best wishes, and hang in there.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Let go of how you “should” feel. There is no right or wrong way to feel after losing someone, whether you got along or not.
Be kind to yourself!
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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Without going into a long story regarding my eccentric, complicated and manipulative mother - and our life long dysfunctional relationship...

My mother passed 3 1/2 years ago. I had been hoping that shortly after -
I would begin to “heal”. No such luck.

I have however, come to accept that that’s just how it’s going to be. But within that acceptance - I have made progress in just letting it go.

Some days are better than others. But, isn’t it that way in life generally?

I wish you peace in your journey.
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Reply to Rainmom
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