I take care of my dad with Alzheimer's. For the last 3 months he lives here. He lived with his girlfriend for 10 years and now she's not willing to give up anything to take care of him but refuses to leave his life. She comes and gets him 1-2 days a week and then answers some of his calls daily. He is VERY obsessed with her, but thinks we are ruining it for him, she won't tell him she won't take care of him and we tried but he thinks we are lying. I don't even think he can comprehend. He goes in a rage calling her over and over and quarelling at the voicemail. It's exhausting. I want her gone cause it refreshes his memory of her each time she gets him and he is perverted in his talk about her. She is 15 years younger than him. Any Advice?

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Thanks, He is on meds now we started noticing changes in him about 5 years ago and wanted to take him to doc for meds then and she does not believe in meds, I was actually told by her she believes in Dr Kavorkian.
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Dear dear Overstressed.
Three months and you are toast. I bet she was pretty tired when you took over his care after 10 years.
I am sure you would love to have something you think would solve the problem. Getting rid of her might seem the perfect thing except it most likely would not be.
She is your best friend it sounds like to me as she gives you two days off. When she is on the phone with him you are not. She must care for him or she would not be willing to do this.
I’m sure there is much much more to the story. Just responding to what I read.
As with all elders who are acting out, have him checked for a UTI. Next let his dr know about his agitation in case his meds need adjusting. Remember that his dementia will continue to advance regardless of how his relationship plays out and it’s very difficult for him to make changes.
FF and I are on the same page. We were posting at the same time but maybe worth hearing twice.
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OverStressed, if you are overwhelmed taking care of your Dad for 3 months, imagine what his girl friend had to go through before you had him moved into your house. She probably is physically and emotionally drained being your Dad has Alzheimer's.

You say that Dad's girlfriend comes to get him 1 or 2 days a week... does she take him for a couple of hours or for the whole day? At least that will give you a break.

One thing to learn, never try to argue with someone who has Alzheimer's, as they are unable to understand. Like you said he doesn't comprehend, and you are right.

If your Dad is raging, you might want to have him tested for a Urinary Tract Infection as such infections can cause such behavior. If the UTI is clear, then asks Dad's primary doctor if there is some medication he can take to calm him down.
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