My MIL and her ex-husband plotted to run away today...after we graciously opened our home to him for overnight visits. They divorced in secret in 2016 for a very stupid reason (he thought he wouldn't have to pay taxes anymore, and according to our estate attorney - he is in for a very large, not so nice surprise in the very near future). Then he kicked her out of his home that she had lived in for 18 years this past October so we moved her in with us, an hour and a half away. He drove out to see her yesterday and they planned to just leave while I was at work today even though we have appointments out near our home that he would be unable to take her to.
He is not the only occupant in that home and the other 2 people that live there (his adult son and the son's girlfriend) do not want mom moving back in because she is rude to them and very derogatory towards them overall. We are unable to make mom or the ex understand that their opinions are not the only ones that matter.
I am tired of having the same exact argument on a daily basis only for them to both try and deceive myself and my husband. We have worked so hard to help them be together as often as possible, only for ourselves to be played like a violin. I lost a lot of respect for my former FIL last night when I looked him in the eye and called him out on it....he couldn't meet my eyes in return.
Mom has dementia and is believed to be in the early stages of Alzheimers (we still have some diagnostic testing to get done and neuropsych eval to establish a baseline), Pete is 15 years her senior and has his own health issues that do also include some memory loss but that has been attributed to normal aging deterioration. We had to inform them both that the reality of this siuation is that there is no "getting better" from her condition, only working to maintain and/or slow the disease's symptoms. My husband and myself have somewhat danced around mom's condition because it upsets her to acknowledge it but they crossed a line last night that I am sure will be crossed again (unfortunately). On good days mom knows she has a dx and plainly acknowledges her memory loss, on other days she wonders why she can't remember anything.
In the end, we agreed to let her visit at his home until Saturday...when we plan to sit down and have the same discussion we had last night only with his son and the girlfriend present this time around. Fortunately, they communicate well with myself and my husband!
We have worked so hard not to violate her rights but I will not stand for being lied to in my home while I am missing work for appointments, arranging others to spend days there when I have to be at work, offering other day care options (which are always declined). Is there even a way to enforce that she does NOT live in that home but in ours?
PS - an hour after I went to bed, mom had to balls to come into my room to ask if I was asleep because she wanted to know HOW I knew they were plotting to run away. Like it wasn't written all over both of their faces. ARRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! LOL!