I'm at loose ends my husband does what he wants wont listen to me acts as if im the enemy refuses to shower will soil himself wont wear the 'pull ups 'i got him walks around like this for days & days.
This mess is all over him & he knows it. He screams filthy names at me outside he also sits in driveway screaming those words. These words are not new to me. I use them myself just not in public or all the time. He also screams words hes made up. He growls. He does all this at all times of day or night when ask him to stop it gets worse if i yell at him to SHUT UP same thing
I was just reading about in home care. If it cost a nickel to breathe, we be dead ..not really but close enough. He has A Fib a shadow on his lung. I think he must be miserable and I dont know what to do? Please any advice , anything??

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My first advice is to check for UTI - if you cannot get him his doctor or a walk in clinic over the weekend - you can buy some of the urine test strips at any cvs - Walmart etc. You can try to attempt to test it yourself even for peace of mind.
My mom is a stroke survivor and incontinence causes UTIs often. They also exhibit severe behavioral issues and confusion.
if you notice that it was a slow but steady decline - it could be something like a UTI.
If you do not think he will go to the dr or it will be too much for you to take him - you can call 911 and they will transport him and the hospital can check and rule it out and help advise. Wishing you the best - and hoping you find help - it could be something as simple as a UTI.
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Sounds like you're way past the point of needing some outside help to come in and assist you. They however should have better luck getting him to shower and such. Yes it does cost money, but if you don't have the money, you can always apply for Medicaid, as they will pay for some in home help, and when the time comes will also pay for his nursing care in a facility.
You don't deserve to be screamed at by your husband, and you shouldn't be screaming at him either. That's not good for either of you. If it's just gotten to be too much for you, then it may be time to place him in the appropriate facility, where he will receive the 24/7 care he needs and you can get back to just being his wife.
There is help out there for you, you just have to do the leg work to get it. I wish you the best.
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So sorry for your distress! In the best of situations, the wife is the last person the husband will listen to. It's hard to believe a neighbor hasn't reported an elder endangering himself. Because he is.

Past time to bring in help. Talk to his doctor. Talk to your local aging services agency.

Home care likely isn't possible at this point. You have to take care of both of you by letting others help.

Best wishes to you.
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