My mom is refusing to leave her house. Her decision is based on her financial situation. My dad had bypass surgery back in 2004 and then needed to go into nursing care, at which time my parent's savings was basically depleted. Due to health issues of her own, she barely gets by on her Social Security.
I've been doing everything I can with no compensation. The house isn't high value; my parents retired as cheap as they could and put the house into a trust for me. Basically it's a place to live if I needed it. My mom gave up driving years ago, so she's been calling someone whenever she needs to go someplace.
It's getting to the point where nobody wants to check on her or do anything for her anymore. Last week she fell and was laying on the floor for several hours. She would have died there if I hadn't stopped by, but the hospital just took some x-rays and dismissed her.
I checked into it and my mom would qualify for Medicaid now, but based on an evaluation, she would only qualify for 20 hours a week of in-home care. I don't know how they figure this as my mom is 90 years old with the start of dementia. I have POA and feel I need to take her to her appointments because she can't keep them straight and doesn't remember what the doctor said.
It gets to the point where I'm almost moved in and missing lots of work. A social worker came to talk with my mom and said she can't be left alone, yet we can only get 20 hours a week of home care.
The social worker's recommendation that your mother can't be left alone is not sufficient to get her placed in care against her will. Social workers are not doctors. They cannot diagnose dementia or get someone declared mentally incompetent. Only a doctor can do that. Although, the social worker's recommendation will hold some weight with your mother's doctor on getting her placed in residential care.
Get your mother to her own doctor. The hospital doctors are not going to be a help to you. Their job it to treat an injury if she has one. It's not the ER doctor's responsibility to assess her for dementia and get her placed. Next time she's in the ER ask for a social worker to come down. They will and tell them what's going on and that your mother is an 'Unsafe Discharge'. That there is no one in the home who can care for her 24/7 and that the social worker who saw her (give them the name and contact info for this person) said that she cannot be left alone. Then refuse to take her home. They will get the state to place her.
I know this sounds terrible, but our entire system on how the elderly are cared for and dealt with is terrible. It may be harsh, but this was will expediate getting her placed sooner.
The next time she lands in the hospital ER, tell the doctor that she is not safe to be discharged home, that there is no one to take care of her, and ask the doctor to refer her to a nursing home. Medicaid will pay for the nursing home, based on her income eligibility, she will have to pay almost all of her SS income, and Medicaid will make up the rest.
If the latter get that POA invoked. If immediate you have the control now. Its no longer what Mom wants, its what she needs. She needs 24/7 care. You don't ask her, you just do it. Find a place that excepts Medicaid. Get that application started. You just put her in the car and take her. No she probably will not like it but you can't go on like this. You need her safe.
I was it for Mom and her POA. I had to harden myself to do what was best for her and me. I was not a caregiver and my Mom was fairly easy. But she needed 24/7 care and I just could not do it. I had no family to help.
No one who is competent can be forced into care against her wishes.
Also, I am assuming that this home was not "gifted" to a Trust that the daughter is the beneficiary of fewer than 5 years ago (or 2 1/2 in California) or Mom may not qualify for Medicaid, dependent on state rules.
As there is no such thing as 24/7 Medicaid paid care in home, the solution here is placement. But again, we are down to the competency or lack thereof for the mother.
If the house was gifted into an 'Irrevocable Trust' more that 5 years ago (2 1/2 in CA) it is a Medicaid-exempt, protected asset. That cannot be changed and the only time any debt collectors can come looking for money is if the Trustee decides to sell.
The answer: You are POA. If it is in force, you decide what she does. She's no longer capable of making decisions for herself.
I can predict what will happen if you don't get her into a care facility. It happens to lots of people on here. She will fall or otherwise injure herself. Next time, you may not stop by in time. I know you don't want that to happen because you are clearly a kind and caring child.
Unfortunately and sadly, your choice is to place her ASAP despite her blah blah blah - or take the chance of what happens if you don't.
I'm very sorry, and I hope it goes well.
You should not be missing any work because of your moms care and you certainly shouldn't be moving in with her.
And lucky for you, APS will be open first thing tomorrow morning so make sure you put that call in to them then.