What do you do when elderly parent refuses needed care or legal considerations?
I am in a real pickle. My mom has been told by her doctor, and most recently by an emergency room doctor, that she needs to be living in a facility that provides some level of care or in a living situation that does not involve having to climb 2 flights of stairs. Since her hospitalization in June, Visiting Nurses has provided care in her home, and she has been considered homebound. In any case, my mom will NOT agree to do anything (set up care with someone else for when they leave) or make arrangements to have various things done (groceries, laundry, taking out trash, etc. Her nurse, her social worker, me ... we're all broken records and she won't listen. She hung up on me Monday because I was telling her something she didn't want to hear re: hiring help to get to one of her doctor's appointments or risk a fall (which could negatively impact her independence and land her in a nursing home--which she doesn't want).
The nurse told me today that they have never run into a situation like this where someone just absolutely refuses help or is this stubborn. My mom is of sound mind, but is making decisions (as I've pointed out to her) that don't support the independence she still wants. She keeps saying she won't go into a nursing home. I am an only child, not married, and there is no other family on her side to help. I'm it. And it is not an option for her to move in with me or near me. Her needs exceed my ability to meet them, and I know what my limits are. I am willing to help, provide information, facilitate care, etc. but I am unable and unwilling to take on full-time caregiving in this situation.
So my question is twofold:
1) How would you handle this situation? And if you have had to deal with it, did you have to do to get your stubborn parent to take the right action?
2) At what point would a situation be considered neglect (by an adult child) under the law if they are aware of the unsafe situation, but the senior refuses to do anything on their own behalf or spend their money to make needed changes.
I'm at my wit's end and at the end of my rope. I don't know what to do!!!!