Be honest, how many hate being a caregiver?

The way I found this forum was one day I googled "I hate being a caregiver". I am not sure why I did that or what I expected other than I was feeling lonely, frustrated, resentful, tired, trapped. It led me to this forum.

I got on to a thread where this woman was literally suicidal, she was so depressed from caregiving and having no life. I realized there were others like me and that I was not a terrible daughter and wife. I wasn't suicidal but did realize I was experiencing compassion fatigue as well as physical fatigue and depression. I set the bar high for myself and kicked myself when I too, got snippy, snappy, crabby and shrill with them.

I had it in my head , well, it was put there with the assistance of many family members that I should be enjoying this. That I should be grateful. Happy even.
Did not know why my life did not look like all the glossy caregiving pamplets and commericials. I recall one commerical of a lovely elderly woman standing on the steps of her beautiful home with two beaming attractive adult children. The guilt line was something like "dad made us promise not to ever put mom in a home".
Yeesh.
So much is thrown at us, telling us how we SHOULD feel, and if you don't the guilt and self criticism sets in, which leads to depression...and so on.
I found so much help, hope and acceptance here. It's my sane place when my life gets too intense. Welcome and I hope you find support here as well.

I think the question should have been "Be honest, how many LOVE being a caregiver? There'd be a lot less replies to read.

Sylvia, you are not experiencing anything the rest of us haven't, at one time or another. It SUCKS watching a stranger take over the body of someone you love. I am repeating something a dear friend told me, that helped me tremendously.
You have to acknowledge your anger. Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eye and say "I am so angry this happened to my husband, and it's OKAY to be angry. I hate this disease and what it is doing to him. I know it's not his fault". Then ask for grace and patience to deal with the issues that arise. Do it as often as you need to. It does help. I used to yell at my husband when he would do something bizarre. By acknowledging that I was angry at the disease, I found acceptance that allows me to be kind and compassionate. Sending you a giant hug, because we all know what you are going thru.

Thanks for your honesty. I also hate being a caregiver for my wife. She's had Parkinson's disease for 18 years but 3 years ago she was diagnosed with Capgras syndrome which is a dementia associated with Parkinsons and Lewey body dementia. The short story is she doesn't know who I am and accuses me of being an impostor. She says her husband lives someplace else and I should quit trying to be him. She knows everyone else in our family - our kids and grandkids, siblings, nieces, nephews and even her in-laws (my family) and they all tell her that I am her husband, but it just doesn't compute. It's really frustrating because her physical needs have gotten worse in the last year and it all falls on me. I basically can't leaver her alone for more than a couple of hours and, with the pandemic, no one will help me out to give me a break. Sometimes I absolutely hate my life. I love her but a lot of the time I really don't like her. She's just not the same person. It's really tough on me. My life really sucks!

How can some people really feel as if it’s a “privilege” is beyond me!

Sylvia,
I know how you feel. I too pray everyday for God to help me in every way. To give me strength, understanding, wisdom, to tame my tongue, and much much more! I am always frustrated, angry, resentful, exhausted and burned out!

I'll pray for you and you can pray for me and maybe together will get through this!

Hugs!!!

I think people go into caregiving for various reasons.

If caregiving continues for an extensive period of time, they will most likely grow to absolutely hate it.

Plus, how many people secretly hate it but for whatever reason they won’t openly admit that they hate it?

Don’t ever doubt that burn out is real.

People who don’t think that caregiving is hard, have probably never done any caregiving in their lives.

I hate being a caregiver for my mother. My mother was not a nurturing type of person when she was raising me. I was able to push my feelings to the back of my mind for decades, and we got along fine. Now that I am caring for her, I find all this resentment towards her is rushing back, and at 65, I am feeling upset about things that happened to me as a child. Is this common?

I don't think there's a person in the world who can say (in honesty) that they love the whole experience of being a caregiver.

When you are the only caregiver and live in the same house as the person you're taking care of, it is in a sense a kind of slavery. You are chained to the situation and your life is not your own anymore. Even the smallest every day things like going to the grocery store have to be planned in advance with arrangements made so you can go for an hour. Then add the total ingratitude of the person you're caring for, which is also very common. The often abusive and negative behavior that the person being cared for develops over time, and the two-cents offered from everyone you know about how you can be doing a better job. Then add the guilt we put on ourselves for feeling resentment. Someone on this forum said that when a caregiver is feeling resentment it is because they're giving too much of themselves. That is the God's honest truth right there.
You are giving too much and it's time for outside help to take over some of the caregiving burden. And it is a burden even if people say otherwise. Let paid caregivers take some of this burden from you.

I've spent the last three years caring for my grandfather after he had a stroke and I hate it. I'm tired of cleaning up s*** when he has an accident, getting yelled at any time he's frustrated and needs a verbal punching bag, having to get up in the middle of the night to help him get to the bathroom and these are just the minor things.
In addition to this, I also work full time as a manager. So I'm usually working at least 40+ hours a week or more while still caring for him. My family barely helps. Instead they tell me that since I'm the one that's here, then I can be the one to handle things.
Then they and my grandfather have the nerve to get mad at me when I want go out on one of my days off and just hang with my boyfriend or friends. They tell me that I need to be here in case something happens to him. It doesn't matter that I barely go anywhere but work and the house. I have to be there because he needs the help.
So yeah, I hate being a caregiver. Because I'm tired of always having to put others first and myself second. I'm not allowed to have my own life anymore. If I try to tell anyone how I feel, then I'm in the wrong. It feels like my family thinks that my sole purpose to take care of my grandfather while they all get to keep living their own lives.