I married last year. My MIL had been living with my husband, but she was having a house built, and was supposed to be going to stay with someone until she could move in, so we would have our privacy as newlyweds. Well, “staying with someone” ended up with her at our home all day, and only leaving at night to sleep, until she decided her poor back really needed her own bed and she stopped leaving at night. Then she decided she didn’t like the new house, and told the builders to keep it.
It’s been over a year now, and my husband says she’s still planning to move, but there were no good homes for sale in the area, and now with Covid she isn’t even looking. I hate living here, MIL runs the house, and my husband gets mad if I even mention trying to tell her anything. I feel like I’ve got to hide away in another room all day, and she’ll still come find me in there. Her friend also comes over all day, every day, and they have loud conversations and watch loud tv.
I’ve tried telling my husband how unhappy and uncomfortable I am with the living arrangement, but he’ll just say he’s sorry I’m unhappy and won’t try to make any changes. He says she’s in poor health and we have to be nice. Though if I mention how if her health is so bad, maybe she should look into senior living, he says she’s a strong, capable woman.
She’s only in her 60s, and her own mother is still living (in a nursing home) in her 80s. I didn’t agree to live with another woman in the home, and I certainly can’t go on like this for another 20 or 30 years. I don’t want to leave my husband, but what can I do to let him and her know that this is an unacceptable way to live, besides packing my bags and leaving? The way things have gone so far, if I tell my husband it’s me or his mother, I’m not sure he’s going to pick me.