Long story short, my parents are both passed, I am 22 years old, I've lived with my grandparents since I was 11, and now my 2 year old son lives with us too. My Grandma and I had the best relationship growing up until I had to move in and she became mean and verbally abusive. Some things that come to mind that she's said are "I hate you" and "so and so is smaller than you". She's made comments on my weight throughout the years, and she used to call me a whore in highschool. When we used to get into arguments she'd resort to screaming and sometimes even hit me.

I've read her texts a few times and she talks so mean about me to family and friends; she's made comments in front of my friends and boyfriend so other people have witnessed this. I literally have no idea why's shes so hateful towards me. I try to be nice and do nice things for her but the gratitude doesn't last long. We butt heads sometimes, but I've learned to walk away when she follows me and keeps trying to argue. She's hit me across the face before. Let me just say, she's not completely out of her mind; she goes out and does things by herself, so she's with it for the most part.

She does have memory loss, depression as far as I'm aware, she's been tested for Parkinsons but I dont think she was diagnosed with it. How do I mentally cope with this abuse? I've been dealing with it for nearly a decade.

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The question isn’t how to learn to deal with abuse. It’s “how can I get out of here ASAP?”.

You’ve got to get out of there. Your kid doesn’t need memories of his mom getting hit. It sounds like abuse has been a problem in your family for generations. You have the power to stop it. Your kid doesn’t have to relive what you did!

It’s sad grandma is like this, but it’s her loss. You can’t make her become a better person or finally love you. Maybe you’re trying to hold on to any sense of love or what family you have left? You were looking for genuine love with your son’s father,.. since you are not living together I am guessing he is not around? I’m sure you love your son dearly and want him to have a stable, happy childhood. The childhood you deserved too, but didn’t get. You can do this!

Hanging on isn’t going to fix this. Create a new family with your son.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to LoopyLoo

Move out as soon as possible. I just read your profile. This will only get worse. You deserve better than living in this situation.

So sorry for the loss of your parents. You have a child that you are responsible for now. Don’t bring her up in a toxic relationship.

I know that you must long for the relationship that you once had with her but that is over. Seek professional help to accept the situation for what it is and help you walk away if you feel like you can’t do that on your own.

Best of luck to you. Take care.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

I am sorry about the loss of your parents while you were young. Essentially your grandparents have raised you and now you and your boyfriend have a son to raise. Each of your needs will only grow: your family vs your aging grandparents. If your grandmother is able to text and do things on her own you do not need to live with them. And if you do not feel safe, your son is learning and absorbing this. You must leave any abusive situation regardless. Some distance may improve your relationship with your grandmother and maybe the abuse can be untangled with a therapist.

At 22, you need your independence. You need time to establish life on your terms for you and your young family. I think that is the bigger picture for you to focus on.
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Reply to Pasa18

You cope with it by finding your own path, by figuring out how to get out, get a job, file for assistance if necessary, find a place for you and your son, and leaving Grandma behind with her hostility.

Contact your county to find out what's available for battered women and recognize that you may have to accept assistance while you're establishing yourself.  Don't be hesitant about that; funds may be allocated for just these kind of situations.

Unfortunately, this is a bad time for job hunting, but you wouldn't be the first woman to have to accept a less than desirable job to get a foothold into a new life.    You may have to have a few part time jobs to make ends meet, but recognize that these are steps to a long term goal of independence and self reliance.  Keep that goal in mind, and never forget it.

I anticipate that you'll face problems, b/c you've acclimated to accepting the abuse, but that needs to change, and as soon as possible.   If you can also find a support group for battered women, attend meetings and bond with others facing similar situations.

This won't be easy; expect challenges, disappointment, and perhaps even consideration about just giving up and moving back with Grandma, but remember that you're responsible for yourself and for your son, and you owe to each of you to find a better life.

Good luck, and best wishes for success.
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Reply to GardenArtist

MOVE OUT!!! No one deserves to be treated the way you are being treated. I'm guessing it's for financial reasons that you remain, but you are going to have to put your big girl panties now and find a place for you and your son. You certainly don't want your son growing up thinking it's ok to abuse people. You can look for government subsidised housing if need be. Where there is a will, there is a way. You deserve so much better! Please believe that, and please don't put up with it any more.
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Reply to funkygrandma59

I am afraid you will have to get a job and you will have to leave off living with family now and make a life for your child. This is not something you can subject your child to as it will be very harmful to one so young. Time to plan for leaving this destructive situation. I know it won't be easy with a young child, but it can be and must be done.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlvaDeer

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