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He is almost 75 y.o. he undoubtedly has some mental problems (prior to my mom dying she said he was extremely bipolar but wouldn't take the meds) and had a severe head injury from 40 years ago. He berates me all day and occasionally in public in front of strangers all while living with me. I lived my childhood through early 20's to make him happy and I am pretty sure he hates me now but I don't know if I can stomach putting him in an assisted living. He also is a pathological liar with no grip on reality. I registered and am asking this because he has started threatening me with absurd lies. I do everything for him, cook, take him to appointments, pharmacy 4 times a month, grocery store all the time. I work from home which he doesn't think is actual work because I do it on a computer. I am losing my mind and need some advice. Thank you.

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The answer is super easy. Stop letting him live with you.

Implementing that answer is extremely difficult. But it can be done, and we see it successfully implemented all the time. Often it takes the support of a therapist (for the caregiver, not the parent) and many posts back and forth here.

Living with emotional abuse from a mentally ill person is not a healthy option. Being threatened is scary. I don't mean throw him out as a punishment for bad behavior. I mean get him into an environment where they are prepared to deal with someone with his problems. It will be better for him and certainly better for you.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Possible answer is, next time he makes a threat, record it on your cell phone. Call 911. Tell them that he is threatening you with physical harm and is verbally abusive.

The bottom line is, you need to have him admitted for an inpatient psychiatric evaluation.

In some places, this called " Baker Act" as in, " I had him Baker act-ed".

Find yourself a therapist. This is an untenable and unworkable situation that you need to find your way out of.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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“I don’t know if I can stomach putting him in assisted living”.
Why not? How can you stomach how he treats you? This is not how normal, happy people live their lives. Why don’t you feel that you should be happy? What is so bad about a place that has trained professionals who can let his abuse and brerating bounce of their backs? Who knows, maybe he wouldn’t even be as difficult with them as he exhibits with you. Take the advice of the great people here and get an assessment for him. Tape some of his abuse and play it for his doctor. You deserve better than this.
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Reply to rocketjcat
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I agree with the others. He needs a psych evaluation. What if he ramps up his abuse to physical violence? From what you’ve said, Dad is beyond Assisted Living and needs to be in a lockdown unit.

Barb is right. He need to be tested to see just what is going on with him. You aren’t doing him any favors by putting up with him and suffering through his abuse. If it were me, I couldn’t stand by and let him carry on. In public as well? How mortifying for everyone involved.

You need to decide how long you are willing to live like this, and at what point you will do something and get on with your life.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Jeannegibbs is right on target. You need to take care of yourself and he needs to get help, which you cannot supply. Frankly, the threats are scary - there is a tendency to underrate this kind of thing - you have only to read the newspapers or watch the news to see what I mean.
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Reply to rovana
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Dear Chris,

I know you are trying to hold it together and trying to do your best for your dad. It is hard to turn our backs on our parents. No one really wants to do that, but when it gets to this stage, help is needed.

I too had the tendency to keep doing the same thing over and over again. It's so hard and it just leads to more anger and resentment on the caregiver's part. Have you tried talking to a social worker? The doctor?

When someone has a mental illness or their moods are escalating because they are not taking their meds, it is time for some sort of assisted living. My father dismissed me but was more appreciative of the care staff when he was in the hospital.

Please know we are here to listen. And we all need to vent. But I hope you'll also consider getting yourself and your dad the help he needs.
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Reply to cdnreader
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Chris, a couple people mentioned that he might very well behave better with strangers than family; I've found that's often the case - it could hardly be worse, could it?
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Reply to mally1
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Call your local Office on Aging. Ask what you can do because you r afraid of this man. If he ever tries to be physical, get out and call the cops. Tell them you r afraid for your life and he needs to be taken out of your house. Tell them about the BiPolar. They may be able to get him a 72 hr. Psychic evaluation. Under no circumstances take him back in ur home. Let the state get guardianship. He needs his meds to be supervised.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Chris, how’s it going?
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