Im a 53 year old daughter and mother of 2 ( 13 & 15). I live with my 86 year old mother in the house I grew up in. My 2 sister's, my sister's second husband and their daughter (22) also live here. That's a total of 8, 6 adults and my 2 kids. That's the first clue that somethings wrong. I also have 2 brothers that don't live here. We all got married or left this house by about 20. After failed relationships we came back which was not at all what I wanted but I had failed and I could blame only myself. I honestly believe that I started off a good person but after I was molested by my sister's ex- husband ( I was 14) it was all down hill from there. I was so ashamed and dirty and to this day I still feel dirty. Anyway eventually I told both my sister's and one of them told my mom and she did nothing. When I was 30 I blurted out what happened and my mother said "if I only knew then" but she did know. By the way my mother is by no means feeble and is very sharp. She's also extremely stubborn and insensitive. Her best skill is passive aggressiveness. Everyone thinks she's so sweet (which she can be but not often). My entire life has been one failure after another. Depression started at 12 after I was molested alcohol and weed were my friend. I became an addict and just kept failing and hurting. I always wondered why I was such a rotten Apple in such a good family. I was just a bad selfish person but as a sober adult I'd begun to see many of my bad traits in my mother and angrily realized that it may not be all my fault that I have some of my nasty ways from my mother and she comes off sweet and innocent. She is very controlling and manipulative. She always tells me im too sensitive or that she was just joking. When I told her that I thought she was insensitive and controlling she said " I am not" and she meant it. When I do something she doesn't like she ignores me, won't even look at me. Im 53 and if I happened to spend the night at a friend's house when I come in she wont look at me or speak to me for at least 2 days. I asked why she did that to me and she said " in my time that wasn't acceptable." Wtf? She treats us all like we're 12 and she's THE MOTHER. I know that I've put my mother threw a lot and have felt guilty to this day I'm by far no Angel. But wasn't she supposed to protect me? She never told my dad who I loved so dearly. My dad would've done something, he would've protected me. This house is so so dysfunctional but not to her of course. Im the one with the problem. Im isolating in my room now ( my kids are with my ex , their dad for a few nights) because I don't want to see HER. Im angry and hurt. My life could've been different if she wasn't ( ashamed of what happened to me!) I want to confront her and hear her admit it and tell me why and apologize which she rarely does. Also my sister is transgender but never transitioned because of things my mother said to her . She could've had a wife and a family which she deserved. She is very kind but emotionally a mess like me. My other sister that lives here with her second husband and 22 year old daughter cannot speak up for herself and at all costs never rock the boat to the point of dysfunction. My oldest brother married a narcissistic, mean controlling and could be dangerous woman. Divorced her then remarried her. They live together still but have two separate lives. And last but not least my sweet brother Jay. He is older (65) than me (they're all older than me) is in a nursing home because alcoholism, low self esteem and depression that's his forever home. He's not stupid, just mentally shut down. I took my mother to see him once ( never again) she treated him and talked to him like he was a complete idiot. Jay and are really the only ones that openly showed our anger at MOTHER and one huge reason is because she treated us like we're 12 years old. I have so much more to say but I don't even know that it will help. Please help with any advice. Confront her or suck it up?