How do you handle the guilt from taking some time for yourself?

You matter! You’re important! You need that time!

That said, when Mom was like this with me, I realized part of it was because she was accustomed to me being there so much. I had to get her accustomed to more than me being there for her. Please don’t do it once in a while — do it weekly. Perhaps instead of your 2 sisters being there together, have each come separately & on different days every week. That way, if you won the lottery & went on an around-the-world cruise, Mom would be accustomed to others. Nice thought, the cruise, right?

beejaycee: In no way are to you to feel guilt. Good grief; you've been at this amount of caregiving for 4 years?! Wow. Big cheers to you! You do have to remember that elders will revert to childlike behavior from time to time and your mother even realized her error. No one is perfect and you deserved a day out with sisters!

Just a quick kiss on the cheek, and a "I love you so much, and I missed you today" and off you go. There is honestly no answer to this. You are not in a rational world. You have, hon, tipped on over into the twilight zone. You know your heart and we know your heart, and without some moments of relief and release you cannot last this out at all. Go in peace. You are a heroine. And while others may not know that, all of us HERE do!

No, no, no! Do NOT feel guilty. As someone else said, just come in brightly and a kiss on the cheek if you want , and do not play victim.... maybe even say how you enjoyed yourself, and then get busy with something else to distract yourself, and remember, tomorrow is another day :).

In my situation, Mom is more and more not wanting to go out, and I have a choice of either not going, also, or take some time to myself, enjoy, and come back home a bit more refreshed. If it's at the end of the day, Mom goes to bed. I retire to my bedroom and watch something funny on Netflix, go to sleep, and wake up a bit more refreshed tomorrow.

It is hard sometimes to separate yourself away, but if you do not, you both will be depressed. BUT if you can alienate yourself from that depressing "GUILT", you will be more refreshed and better able to care for your mom the next day, and so on.

I usually get upset if my mom lays a guilt trip on me. Then mom says, “I am not trying to make you feel guilty”. Then I get a bit confused. I don’t think she is trying on purpose and is just telling me that she needed me for something, not an emergency but just wanted me there. Then I say to her that it wasn’t an emergency and I needed time for myself. The conversation usually ends there because I walk away. I am learning to walk away rather than continue trying to debate it. That’s silly because she is going to feel however she does. She and I can both be nonconformists! Haha

I'm in a similar situation. The only place I ever go to is church.y mom doesn't like to be left alone. I'm only gone for two hours and I make sure she gets to the bathroom before I leave. She calls me at church wanting me to come home because she says she has to go to the bathroom. Then she doesn't like it when I go out with friends afterwards. I always come home first to get her to the bathroom before going back out. I understand the guilt. I feel guilty for leaving her alone but I feel guilty for not being in church. Sometimes I go ahead and do what I want and other times I give up and just stay home so I don't have to hear her complain. As others have stated it's important that you get out for some me time or you'll feel like you're going crazy.

Helplessness is the greatest form of domination.

This is a mind game that we all play from time to time. You're mother is free to speak her mind, but don't let it take away the happiness you felt taking care of yourself. Do you see how twisted it is to make her statements a judgement about yourself that you were somehow bad to have let her think, then feel, that way while you were gone? It's nice when someone misses us, it's healthy to have bonds. But it's not healthy to try and sentence ourselves to be inside someone else's mind to ensure that they never have any negative thoughts or emotions. This applies in any relationship situation. So, if your mom felt that way, keep it light. Give her a smile, hug, & a kiss and tell her it's nice to hear how much she loves you, and that you love her too - that's it. Then ask her what she wants for breakfast...

Remember, whenever that grimmy, dirty, greasy, tool called guilt beckons you to pick it up, stop; look at it for what it is, and throw it back. Tell it, naw, no thanks, I think I'll use the good tool of love instead.

Your mother most likely is bored and lonely but she is also selfish and is incapable of caring about the feelings and emotions of others around her - so she puts guilt on you and you in turn feel guilty because you did something right for yourself - you took a day for yourself and went and enjoyed yourself. That is not a crime. It is a right that you deserve to have. She is jealous. DO NOT LET HER DO THIS TO YOU - IT WILL DESTROY YOU. She is the problem, not you. You seem to be doing so much for you and she does not appreciate it so stop catering to her and think of yourself first - you deserve it.

I answered this previously in a post below. I will repeat - she has NO RIGHT TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY. SHE SHOULD BE THE GUILTY ONE FOR BEING SO SELFISH. The next time she starts in on you, become very firm and assertive and tell her that you have dedicated yourself to taking care of her and if she is not satisfied with the care you provide, you will immediately find someone else to do your job and you will go out and enjoy yourself and have the life you deserve. Oh she will be shocked and she will go on but don't let it phase you - she is fighting back so she can control you. Tell her you deserve some private, personal time and she better get used to it quickly before you end your services by getting someone else (who won't be as caring or nice to her or comply with her needs) or she will have to leave your home. Give her a good scare and stand up and be strong with her - stop with the nice stuff. It does not work with people like this.
You can do it and after you do this a couple of times, I think you will be more at peace and she will stay within her boundaries. Good luck.

I’ve learned not to allow my mother to manipulate me. People manipulate others often via guilt, to control them. That’s not right nor fair. You don’t “owe “ that to anyone

Why should you feel guilty? Is she old because you did it? Sick due to you? Life is life, being willing to help is one thing but when someone demands you give up any semblance of a normal life for them, that’s not healthy.

My my mother is a narcissist so a pro at manipulating. For me the easiest way to handle it is pretend she’s a toddler. If my grandchild did something to get her way how would I react? I wouldn’t give in, I’d stand my ground but I’d do it without yelling or screaming. I may bring her a trinket back( a fancy dessert or something) but I’d still go.