This is my first post. In 2016, my mother passed away. She had Parkinson's, but died very suddenly from a brain aneurysm. Her and my father owned four houses, one of which I was living in - a month before my mother died, my parents and I swapped houses. Mine had been renovated so they could live there more comfortably, so I moved into my old childhood home with my housemates. After my mum died, I automatically moved in with my dad (who is now 80) - although it is now officially my house, as my mum left it to me in her will.
Despite my mum's illness, she looked after my dad a lot - he had suffered from depression and anxiety since retiring and was hospitalised for it a couple of times.
For the first couple of years, I devoted a lot of time to my dad, cooking him dinner most nights etc. I would turn my friends down if they asked me to dinner with not much notice and would feel guilty whenever I had to go away for work and leave my dad alone.
About six months ago, I started seeing someone and now I am really struggling with balancing everything. My girlfriend wants to see me all the time and likes me to come and stay at her house. But my dad makes me feel guilty about it. He can be quite mean about her to me too, when we first started dating he would make comments about her weight and stuff like that, which made me resent and dislike him at times.
These days, he gets a lot less of my time. I stay at my girlfriend's house a few nights a week and she comes and stays with me. He mostly sits around reading - which he also did before. He has warmed up to her a bit though.
His mental health has not been that bad - I think a lot of it was anxiety over my mum's Parkinson's. He is capable of cooking for himself or going out to get meals. He goes to the gym a couple of times a week, but he is generally not very social and doesn't have friends to hang out with.
I'm feeling increasingly bitter about the situation because I am only 35 and want to have a normal life. My dad's mother was in another country and he never had to look after her while he was ageing. And I feel resentful towards my parents for having me so late that I'm in this situation, while my friends have parents who are much younger and less needy.
I don't really want to live with him anymore, but I don't think I have any choice now. So I guess I'm just looking for suggestions on how to deal with these feelings.