52 years of marriage to BB, ups and downs then a fall in January that broke the clavicle and tore the rotator cuff to the point he required surgery. He's 74 now and his job gave him from Jan 8th till mid March to heal & return to his senior driver position he's held for 32 yrs. Couldn't make it so they said retire or get fired. He retired and he's done a total about face. He's blaming me for everything, sees something and says that needs to be trashed. Clean up everything or I'll toss it (he does too). He watches all real life murder shows, forensic files, murder by numbers, 48 hours, closed cases, etc. Says he's getting tips for the perfect murder. I've hidden the pistol and he's mad about it. He's gotten mean, verbally abusive, forgets things, starts projects then forgets them. His driving frightens anyone in the vehicle with him so I drive most of the time. I figure some of the memory problems are from sedation at surgery. Also genetic since his mom had Alzheimers.
I collect dolls from the 50s & they are displayed in a back bedroom. He hates them, wants to rent a storage building, put them in it. He wants that room for himself to sit and smoke in. He vapes and I'm allergic to smoke from cigarettes, the vape liquid breaks me out in a rash. He just shrugs and says BB is going to do what BB wants to do in BBs house and if you don't like it, get out. Wish I could. I have no place to go. Didn't want to me to return to work when I was laid off in '92. Wanted me to stay home & care for the new grandkids. I did, now they are mostly grown. Now he says I'm lazy and need to get out and work like he had to. I have spent years watching 2-4 children daily while he took the money I made. Found he was hiring prostitutes with it & he got arrested in 2005 for hiring an undercover cop! I am physically unable to work now. I have had one complete knee replacement and take shots in the other knee that the dr. said has got to be replaced asap. I have an inoperable tumor behind my eye and have to take meds to control seizures. I have Cirrhosis of the liver even though I don't and never have drank. I've probably had 1/2 cup of liquor in all 68 yrs. I get dizzy, my heart skips beats leaving me shaking and weak. I've had 30 lbs of tumors removed from stomach & leg & they have returned. He tells me I'm fat, slouchy and stupid. Then swears he didn't say it. He constantly says I don't tell him things. I do, the kids tell him I do but, he denies it.
I had to put a warning on his phone because he sits and watches movies for hours on it and uses up our data. Now he swears I won't let him use it. New bill shows 533 min of calls, 7 pages of texts. He is constantly living in the past. Wants to go to the town where he was born to live now. He goes out to the garage, sits in the heat and listens to songs from the 40s. Constantly trying to live in the past. He is fine one minute, furious making snide remarks the next. It is like living on thin ice. I've gone thru this with mom who is now in memory care, now I'm heading into it with him. He will be furious in the morning because I knocked his vape battery off kitchen cabinet, it went under the stove and hung. I pulled it apart getting it out. I left him a note and the $20 I've been saving up since July for my hair cut. Hope he doesn't spend a lot on one. He's calling for estimates on rewiring house, remodeling kitchen & bath. Wants to buy a camper. We can't afford it at all. He doesn't know how to pay the bills or even what is owed & refused to learn. Now, he can't remember dr appts, meds, etc. without my reminding him which makes him angry. I've been placed on anxiety meds, had my dr. test me for dementia just in case. Nope! Just age related short term problems that are normal. But did tell me to find a safe haven from husband. He has appt finally in Dec for tests & I know he will try to cancel as usual if he remembers to check calendar. God knows my shoulders are really tired of the burden. Thanks for listening.