I have been helping my dad take care of my mother who has Alzheimers for several years. We recently had to put mom in a nursing home. I have had to deal with my dad's violent episodes of mental illness ever since I was a child. Of course I got out of the house as quickly as I got out of High School and luckily I got married to a man that was a complete opposite person than that of my dad.

The last couple of years with me coming back around and putting up with my dad belittling me...scolding me....yelling things at me...just like when I was a child at home. Well.... I have not been doing so well. I have tried to tell him he doesn't respect me and I am not going to put up with his behavior and I don't see anyone else standing at the door rushing to come in to help him...and he's good for a while and and then he starts right back up. I am 58 years old..happily married...lots of friends..close to our children and grandchildren I am a Christian...which is something my dads likes to rub back in my face...and he says I am the problem. I have tried to keep helping them but I just cant do it anymore. I can't ever seem to do anything right in his eyes and he loves to yell and lecture me about anything that happens to come up. If I say one thing, he automatically disagrees with me. If I say left he says right.

His temper is violent and extreme. I think he probably has been mentally ill his whole life and has never and would never get help...he thinks he is fine. I have 3 siblings that have little to nothing to do with him. I am the only one that has ever even tried to help them. The others stay away. He has no friends, no church community or anyone. Especially now that mom's in the home. I just know I can't keep doing what I am doing. I need to stay away from him because I feel my own mental state disintegrating. Help! I haven't even got into my Mothers dementia illness. I love my mother. I want to be around her even with her Alzheimer's and her not knowing me most of the time, but I will not let my dad tear me down any longer. I am done with him.T hanks for any input you all may have.

Is your mother still legally competent? If so, ask her to name you her DPOA so you will be her decision maker when the ALZ progresses instead of your Dad. If she's not competent, then consider filing for guardianship of her. As her DPOA or Guardian, you could file for Medicaid benefits and place her in a good MC/NH away from your father's abuse. Until then, pick you Mom up and take her to your home for visits or out to dinner or a movie.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to TNtechie
Ahmijoy Sep 20, 2018
T, she said Mom is in a nursing home, TG. Hopefully she is safe from this monster.
See 1 more reply
You mention being a christian, is turning the other cheek part of what is driving you to keep returning to this abuser? The experts all recommend that a person who grew up in an abusive family should not take on the role of hands on caregiver to their abuser, it is (more than) enough if you monitor him from afar and alert the appropriate authorities when needed.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to cwillie
JoAnn29 Sep 20, 2018
I agree with Willie. You can call APS anytime u feel Dad needs a well care visit.
I agree with Ahmijoy! I can't tell from what you wrote if he is physically abusive, but the mental and emotional abuse you're describing is reason enough to walk away and don't look back! Don't sacrifice your mental state for another minute in his presence. Save it for your mom, your good husband and friends who care for you and treat you with respect. Good luck -

Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to janeinspain

You should never, ever have to endure physical, emotional or mental abuse from anyone. Honestly, you should file a police report and have him arrested for assault. I wonder if he also abused your mother.

You are enabling him by being available. Stop. If there is no one else, so be it. Inform your siblings that you’re done with Dad. If they don’t step up, well, Dad is on his own. If he has the energy to beat you, he has the energy to care for himself. Let him be before he seriously injures you. Whatever happens to him is up to him.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Ahmijoy

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter