My mother finally got Medicaid approval after being home for 15 1/2 months from SNF ...she was in there for rehab after fall, emergency surgery & then private pay. SNF was way too expensive for the quality of care provided. The Medicaid application took forever with them playing delay games...but I feel like I’m in a self imposed prison. My mother abuses me every day & frankly, I’m numb to her ...I take care of her like a robot....just doing what I have to do ...especially on these hot days. I have a paid caregiver but she has days off & has a dr appointment coming up later this month. I’m dreading having to be here for 3 addition to overnight diaper changes....Why can’t Aide make her dr appointment on her day off ? I have a physical therapy appointment that day for my neck & now I have to cancel MY appointment!!! Does this Medicaid Home care approval mean I'm stuck here with her with no option? I feel like the doors are locked & they threw away the key. Almost like a hostage. Today I’m alone w my mother & she called me already, “ugly , stupid, piece of sh—t” & other choice words. Should I just be happy she’s not punching me since I increased her Seroquel! Today I feel anger, resentment, depressed . Meanwhile my sibling this weekend is in another country as my nephew decided to get married in another country...I suggested to him to get married here in NY & then honeymoon elsewhere.....I have a lot of things bothering me & I'm venting. I need to get away & I feel stuck...just don’t know if this Medicaid approval means I have to do this at home forever...I feel such resentment today. My brother is in another country at his sons wedding & I'm here left wiping mother’s tuchus. What a life 😡🔫

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CaregiverL - why do you feel you have to put up with this abuse by anyone, mother included? I think you let her abuse you so much that you are becoming numb (as you said).

She belongs in a NH. Period. No parents should be allowed to suck the life out of their children. Your mother is doing that very thing. And you are allowing her. You have to take back control of your life. Do it now.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to polarbear

Vent away!

I am so sorry your mom said that to you. You don't deserve it. I agree with Barb that nursing home care would be appropriate.
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Reply to SnoopyLove

Why don't you get mom approved for NH Medicaid?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

I feel ya. Hubby is bedridden and has diarrhea. The whole house reeks. It’s hot, my whole body hurts and there’s a sink full of dirty dishes.

Mom’s gotta go. Whether it’s dementia or not, she can’t stay with you. You’ll self-destruct. Contact your local Agency on Aging and tell them you need to place mom. Now. Keep in mind that no facility is perfect and they’re all way expensive. And by the way, it’s ok to calmly tell Mom, “Don’t talk to me like that.” If she continues, leave the room. And also, has she been checked for a UTI recently? My mom was off the wall when she had one. I have the scar to prove it.

Here’s to a better day tomorrow. (((Hugs)))
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Thank you for your explanation about the bad NH and the Medicaid penalty.

Getting your mother to a geriatric psychiatrist and explaining her outbursts and abuse might be helpful. Having a inpatient psych evaluation could be useful. Looking around for a better nursing home is good planning for the future.

Walk out of the room if she is verbally abusive. Find a support group. Use her money to hire in home respite. You need time away EVERY DAY.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

What’s the reason she can’t be moved into a nursing home using Medicaid?
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Reply to Daughterof1930

Vent more! And keep venting! 😲
Get earphones, for your music device, ASAP. Stick your mp3, cellphone or whatever in your pocket and enjoy your favorite music when you are near her.

I'm sorry Love, but your best friend is gone. It's only you and you need care too.
Good luck Sweetie.
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Reply to Pepsee

What help does your brother give? She's HIS mother, too.😡
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Reply to CTTN55

Reason for not having Mom back in NH:

Mom was in nursing home for falls 3 weeks May 2016 & then from June 2016 - March 2017.

I turned dining room into her room w hospital bed & purchased out of pocket everything nursing home has like recliner wheelchair , lift machine, air pillow seat cushion; replaced carpet w floor. Nursing home was 10 min from home & I was there every day....they never took her to toilet on time so she’d be sitting in poop all day. They were either on their breaks or busy in dining room; She picked up every germ there...& developed pneumonia & UTI turned into private pay since her insurance would no longer pay ...since she was uncooperative w physical therapy..
Medicaid nursing home plan has penalty period & she won’t be eligible for at least 1.5 yrs ...she’s 91 now...& it would cost $$$$ Lawyer another $10,000 to change plan...& mother kept begging me to take her home when she was there & asking how long does she have to stay there? & if the house renovations complete yet, etc.. Mom also said she rather kill her self than ever have to go back to nursing home...she said she hated “that place “.

So it’s financially better for her to be home. Other residents who were there when she was there have since died ...

Does that answer question as to why she not in nh?
Caregiver L
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Reply to CaregiverL

Does Medicaid allow respite care?

Maybe Mom needs a med change.
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Reply to JoAnn29

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