My mother was the best mom a son could have. Today, she's turned into a person I almost don't know. I moved both mother and my older, special needs brother into nursing home care this summer. (actually, he's in the nursing home and she's in assisted living, both at the same facility.) Two weeks ago, my brother was diagnosed with terminal abdominal cancer and given a few weeks to live. Mother understands what's going on, but insists on moving him back to her home where she can take care of him while he goes through the hospice/dying process. This is the same home we moved her out of (3 hours away) because she kept falling and could no longer take care of her or my brother, who lived with her. She constantly plots ways to get back home and is now using my brother's pending death as her way back. She knows we'll have to take her back home for his funeral, so every conversation we have she tells me "now, I don't want you to get upset, but I'm NOT coming back to this place." She accuses me of locking her up in a prison; says she's going crazy in this J-A-I-L (she literally screams the spelling of the word in my ear). Her assisted living facility is nice, clean and the staff cares for her very well. She says she can take much better care of my brother than I can (though I've literally cleaned him after he soils himself more times than I care to count.) I sat with him for 8 days in the hospital, along with my wife and daughters in shifts. But mother doesn't give us any credit for that. She keeps telling me that her friends back home could come see her and my brother and take her places, etc., and she doesn't have anybody down here to visit her. I guess the multiple times I go visit her each week don't count. A water line at her house broke and flooded her bedroom. I paid for the plumber to fix it and threw my back out ripping up soaked carpet over a three day emergency workathon weekend. She blamed me for the whole episode and accused me of tearing up her house. She baits me until I've had enough, and when I finally blow my top she accuses me of "disappointing" her with my behavior. I bite my tongue every conversation because she constantly throws out barbs intended to hurt and start an argument. She told her niece on the phone (with me sitting two feet away) "don't bother giving him your phone number, he WON'T call you back and if he does it's two or three days later." She knew I was hearing every word and said it to hurt my feelings. I'm a grown man with a family and college age daughters. I've literally turned my life upside down over the last six months to become the primary caregiver for my mother/brother combo. I've put my personal career development on hold at a time when I really need to be pouring on the coals at work. Now, my brother is dying and all she does is complain and plot how she's going to use his death to move back home. I'm sick of hearing her lecture me on how she could take much better care of him back home because "I've been taking care of him all his life when you didn't even care about him." I've told her that I don't answer her calls because she only wants to argue and I don't have two hours a day to have the same argument with her over and over. My mother who was once very loving has become an argumentative, cantankerous, mean old woman. I can't do anything to please her and the more I try the more she complains. We have set up hospice for my brother, but she gets angry if I go visit with him and don't go see her. Even though he's dying, a visit with him is much more pleasant than a session with mother. She comes from the old school where a visit isn't a visit unless you stay at least a couple of hours. It's a real challenge to deal with them both at the same time. She's threatening to change the will after my brother dies so I won't get all her assets; assuming she has any assets left when she finally passes. Then she'll tell me that she loves me and I'm her baby. This whole thing is so bizarre. I know everybody on this forum has their own personal caregiving horror stories, but having to be the primary caregiver to two adults simultaneously with no other siblings to help is driving me crazy. I don't have time to take care of myself right now. I don't have the energy to do things I normally enjoy, like going to church and ball games. Honestly, the whiskey helps a bit. Please don't judge me. I'm not an alcoholic and I'm not superman either. I'm just facing the biggest challenge of my life so far and don't have any easy answers.