My mom has become blind in the last 8 years and needs help but is very abusive. Any suggestions?

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My mom is 74 and I am 34. She has become almost completely blind in the last 8 years so I have to travel to her apartment via a 45 min. bus ride about 3x per week to take her shopping, clean her house and she also calls me over to reset anything with buttons where she may have touched the wrong button and messed up her TV, clock radio, oven, etc. I wouldn't have a problem making the long trip to come over and help her, but she is VERY verbally/emotionally abusive and emotionally manipulative. She was always abusive like this, my whole life, and even though I resent her for abusing me as a child, I still help her because she has no one. Through her abusiveness, she has chased everyone off including my dad (who is dead now). so she doesn't even have friends or extended family to help her. Every time I come to help her, I take an emotional beating. And you might say, "Well, you are 44 now so just ignore it," but she is my mother and knows how to press my buttons and rip the scars off of old wounds. I feel beat up after every visit. And a lot of times, if we have plans to go shopping together, if I say the wrong thing on the phone before a visit, she will freak out and cancel the whole thing, only to call me back the next week to schedule the task again. I really want to disown her but I feel bad because then she would have no help. I live in Toronto, Canada. does anyone know of a government service that could take over the things that I currently do? Or, also, does anyone have a similar experience that they would be willing to share with me so that I don't feel so alone in this?

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When she started losing her sight I would think her eye doctor would have given her a list of services. She could have been taught to live as a blind person. There is no reason she can't do light cleaning. How dirty can one person be? There are special clocks for the blind. They talk. I agree 3x a week is a little much. Cable companies now have were u talk and the TV does what u want. Since Mom is blind, she maybe able to get this service free of charge or cheaper. What kind of shopping takes 3x a week? She can't eat that much food. Call the Office of Aging in her area. Ask if they have a booklet of their services. Lets say you cut down your visits to once a week. O of A may have a senior bus or tell you how to find one. My nephew is signing up with something called "Access" here in NJ. Its transportation for the challenged. Where I live, there is a separate bus for shopping and the driver goes in the store with the passengers. Call ur state or her county Dept of the blind. See how they can help.

I love swifter products. They make cleaning so much easier. So do kitchen/bathroom wipes. Look at it this way, Mom can't see how good or bad of a job you did anyway. Or, if u even did it.

Please, stand up for yourself. Mom is young enough to do for herself. You have to tell her no more. Get your info together and when she starts, hand it to her and say, I am not taking it anymore and here is a list if services you can use.

Please, please don't promise this woman anything. Like, letting her live with you or not putting her in a home, etc. There are a lot of members here that will tell you not to take her into your home, ever! You will not get rid of her. Make her know that if she can't live alone, it will be whatever she can afford. If she can't afford it, it will be a home on Medicaid.
((HUG))
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I totally agree with C. Why do you allow yourself to be abused like this when you are grown now and have a choice? Have you ever given as good as you got? When she starts, tell her if she doesn’t knock it off, you’re leaving and won’t be back. Then call Adult Protective Services and report an At Risk adult.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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3X a week is crazy, my mom was 76 and newly widowed when she lost most of her eyesight and became a shut in at her rural home and she managed with 1 weekly visit from family to take her shopping, and sometimes less than that.

I'm not sure how easy it is to get home care in TO now but years ago vision loss made my mom instantly eligible for services, it was one of the golden boxes they could tick on their forms. The CNIB is a good resource for coping with vision loss and learning to be more independent, your local LHIN could evaluate whether she is in need of homecare services and there are countless women looking to make extra $$ cleaning homes. I'm not certain though that your mom actually needs home care services, it sounds as though much of what you are doing could be accomplished by you growing a backbone and setting some appropriate boundaries: shopping once a week, perhaps a quick tidy or vacuum while she puts away the groceries. YOU are the one with all the power in this relationship, she depends on YOU, not the other way around.
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Reply to cwillie
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