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I have been the primary caregiver for my mother for six years now. She has cancer, congestive heart failure, Ogilvie syndrome, UTI, is unable to get out of bed , has dementia , possibly Parkinson’s? Anyway, I feel as though I have passed some point of no return with personal hopelessness. My sister that could help doesn’t, my brothers are dead, my other sister has MS . I have literally spent the last 1,000 days and more alone in the country... no friends, no single women or very few. I’m very lonely and depressed and I cannot think of a way to put my life back together. It feels like she will outlive me . I don’t know what to do . I’m not even in her will and my son that is will do nothing to help . I’m 55 and I’m not financially secure enough to retire or to do anything. Like I said I am lost and I need advice . I stay extremely depressed and always alone...always. This is much harder than being a single father was. The sun is going down and I’m so very lonely every day?? I don’t know what to do. She was abusive when I was a kid and I left home when I was very young . I don’t understand if God put this on me or if I put this on myself by trying to save my sons inheritance. I’m fairly hopeless and can’t remember what it is like to be happy or to be social. I hate where I have to live to take care of her . It’s complicated. Just about every day I feel as though I cannot make it another day doing this. What do I do? Life is so damn short.

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Robbie: (((((hugs)))))))

How did you happen to move back home to care for your abusive mother? Did someone tell you that it was your duty to do so?

It wasn't.

So, now you need to get out from under this unfairly imposed burden, right? On Monday, you are going to call your local Area Agency on Aging. You find them on the State or County website. You are going to ask them to come out and do a "needs assessment" for your mom. That will tell you what level of care she needs.

Are your finances separate? Do you have financial and medical Power of Attorney so that you can look at her finances? What are her resources, both assets and income stream? THOSE should be paying for her care. Going forward, they will be used. There is no inheritance until the person whose assets they are is dead; before they die, those assets are used for care.

YOU should be paid for being her caregiver. You probably want to find an eldercare attorney and find out how to set up a "caregiver contract" so that you can be paid for what you are doing until you get her into care.

If she is going to refuse to pay you, you will need to leave. If she says that she's not going to day care, Assisted Living or whatever else, you're leaving. You are leaving no matter what, because while you are her caring son (and given the abuse, I don't know why) you need to prepare for your own old age. You need a job and social security credits.

Start researching the Area Agency on Aging in your area and check back in.

We care!
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bettina May 4, 2019
Good advice Barb!
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"Life is so damn short." Indeed it is Robbie55. There are many of us on the board who were abused as children, left home at a young age, yet felt compelled when our parent(s) aged to step in and lend a helping hand. Most abusive people are
exploitative as well as abusive, so all we essentially do is step back into our former victim role. But this time, because we ourselves are now aging, the abuse and/or exploitation comes with a very steep price. To our finances, our social lives, our
health, and quality of life.

I'm afraid you have some hard choices ahead of you. You say that you are trying to save your son's inheritance. The son who does not help you out. Perhaps you need to rethink the wisdom of this. Also, as your Mom is quite ill, perhaps you need to consider researching quality nursing or assisted living homes in area and get her or wait list. If she needs to go to hospital for any reason you could place her upon discharge.

You don't mention if you are POA for either her finances or health care. If you are and you are able to prove she is no longer able to manage her finances or health care decisions, you could sell her home and property and buy her something more conducive for her health situation and get her in home care.

Just a few ideas for you Robbie55. You might wish to consider online or telephone support groups. If you've been abused growing up, a safe place to start is ACA
Adult Children of Alcoholics, which has now been revised to include all dysfunctional families. Though I'm not a hard core by the book type, I've found it
helps to speak with fellow travelers who've had the same experience. Those who
have not dealt with this issue are usually dismissive unfortunately.

Good luck with your decision making process. You clearly need to find alternative
support for yourself and also likely for your mother as well. I really hope things
work out for you! :)
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Robbie55 May 4, 2019
Thank you . That’s so true about stepping back into that victim role and being exploited still by my mother. She’s still abusive . I have hospice care with St. Luke , however that doesn’t really change the situation that I am dealing with . I mean they are a huge help, but, life is very difficult at the moment. Also, I don’t have power of attorney and I am having a hard time getting any attorney around here to help me to even get conservatorship . See , I am totally being exploited and I cannot get 6 years back . If I repeat myself or something it’s because the way I feel is so overwhelming and it’s affecting my health and mental health most definitely . Thank you so much for the help. I truly appreciate it .
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Do exactly what Barb told you to do! Please! Get the financial and other logistics taken care of. And figure out a way to see she's taken care of. And it DOES NOT have to be by you. Hopeless is a terrible place to be. And I hope you know there is always hope somewhere. Get proactive and find yours!!! I don't get the abusive parent dynamic, but come on now. You deserve your own life. Get counseling...get perspective on this. You deserve to have a life and be happy. All of our situations are complicated. But you said it yourself...life is short. And too short to be miserable while we're here. Hugs to you.
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
Thank you Lynnm,

I appreciate your words of advice and your kindness . I am going to work on this starting tomorrow . My mother is on her death bed , but , sometimes she’s so mean that it feels as though she will live forever. I know that’s not true and there lies the double edged sword . It cuts either way . It hurts to continue taking care of her and it will hurt when she dies . I appreciate your kindness very much . I am going to take care of myself the best that I can and infact I work out and exercise on a regular basis and even try to always eat healthy food etc . No alcohol, drugs or tobacco . Still , the stress is affecting my blood pressure . I’m going to be reading everything again and I truly appreciate your time. I hope that everyone replying to me can see all of the post because together they explain a more complete picture of what has been going on . Have a blessed day .
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Oh, Robbie; WHY would you try to get conservatorship?

Get yourself to your doctor, get started with treatment for depression and let her become a ward of the state. Really.

If the good old boys in town are not going to give you the time of day, walk.
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“She’s not right and never has been”

I think that phrase summarizes all the ‘whys’ of the situation you are in right now, how you feel, how you don’t feel, what you do and what you don’t do. Because the issue is Robbie that your mom and her circumstances are defining your life.

I am always a proponent of loving and caring for our parents even (or more so) when they are hard to love, which applies to a large part of the elderly population of parents for reasons easily explained by the aging process itself. But see, your situation is very specific and different because as you said, “She’s not right and never has been”, and that impacted you deeply and I don’t think you have been able to heal at all. 

How do you think someone that is not healthy emotionally and physically, can take care of someone that is so ill in every aspect that you can possibly think of?

I know this is a hard to face truth, but I honestly believe that you and your mom keep being tangled up in a severely unhealthy relationship where love is truly not the driving force. I believe you feel (and have always felt) so responsible because you feel guilty, and like someone else pointed out, your have become unconsciously too familiar with the victim’s role, and so has she. Even though you might feel she is the victimizer, in her head she has always been a victim.

So Robbie, my advice is to take care of yourself so you can -if you want- at some point, try to have a healthier relationship with your mom. You may think this huge sacrifice you’re doing is all for the benefit of your mom, yet I would invite you to analyze the situation again and with the most honest-honesty answer to yourself if you believe your mom is receiving the care she really needs according to her physical and mental state, and very importantly Robbie, do you think you are really making the difference you wish to make through this enormous sacrifice? Do you realize how much self damage you are allowing to happen? Damage to your self esteem, damage that can easily be detrimental to your physical health, sabotaging your inner peace, etc., all of that and more..for what reason, which goal?
 
   What is the force that really moves you Robbie, that is an important question to answer to yourself.

About the inheritance, as someone else said your mom’s assets should be used for what they are meant to, her own care. 
Use them to provide her with good quality care that will be a thousand times better for her and for you. Don’t you think she would feel much better being taken care of by someone she doesn’t share a tormenting past with, towards whom she has no resentment (yes, despite all, she may resent you), no unhealthy emotional baggage? 
And wont you feel RELIEVED knowing she is receiving proper care and you are free, free to get yourself healthier! Seek therapy Robbie, don’t delay that. The way I see it you are deeply trapped in two holes: A physical one, being in the same environment than your mother, and an emotional one having her and your very unhealthy relationship with her as the center of your life.
I would like to urge you from a place of love and understanding, to get out of both holes. 

And your sons? They sound to me as if they could benefit from a growing-up lesson/dosage from life, as that would be a much more valuable inheritance to leave them.
They would also benefit from having a healthier father, and your path to health will start with your decision to change your current circumstances, leading to changing your mom’s current circumstances.

Get healthier so you can at some point soon think about your mother with a sense of compassion and not resentment Robbie. That requires a lot of work within yourself, hence I urge you to start that journey soon! It will be for everyone’s benefit. You need to break the cycle, be brave, be smart and be kind to yourself and also to your family.

My most sincere hug to you!
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
Thank you,
I have been through 4 years of intense therapy for the situation with my mother before I became her caregiver. I was finally feeling as though I was gaining a greater understanding of the reasons why I have been through many different things such as unhealthy relationships and alcohol abuse throughout my life and was feeling like I could finally move on from all of that . I learned a long time ago that I was a child and the guilt belongs with her and not me. I confronted her in the past several times and even wrote her a letter and burned it . I made so much progress . I broke the cycle of abuse also by going through the therapy and I even took all of my kids to Vanderbilt for counseling after their mother abandoned them / us . They were extremely angry and didn’t understand that . I definitely feel as though I need a good therapist again especially because this has been so detrimental to my life .

I normally do a pretty good job at separating my emotions while being around my mother and somehow manage to “ stuff” my feelings down inside this overflowing bucket. Sometimes I do get angry especially if I feel as though she is being a pervert again . Mom on the other hand does resent me and has no problem showing it . She has for as far back as I can remember . I don’t know 🤔 why . She expresses that in many ways. It’s like she feels as though she is in control of me which because of the current situation there is some truth to that. Only if I allow that I know .

The situation is even a little more complicated now because she is on her death bed and hospice does help . I couldn’t do this without their help for sure .

I have put her in rehab twice and I was the only person in my family that would visit her . I was the only person that would bring her back to her home . I feel as though since I have made it through six years of doing this that it would be sick to put her into a nursing home and then have her die within a few weeks and then lose her small piece of property and ancient home . This is so messed up that she has put the “ power” or decision into my sons hands to give me a piece of land . I don’t know what he’ll do . He says that he will , but , he has only visited once in the last two years . I’m seeing a side of him that I never saw before. So , I have no guarantees that he will do anything . I feel as though that was part of her continued abuse . The way she has arranged things keeps me locked into that sick dysfunctional relationship.

May sound funny, but , through studying psychology for several years at a University , and intense therapy I believe I had become the least dysfunctional person in my family . I went through so much in the past while trying to create a “ normal “ life and a healthy relationship that I finally felt ready to do just that .

I was in Nursing school also . That’s when my kids mother left us in Nashville . I continued in school for as long as I could while working and raising my three kids until my GPA really began to suffer and they were becoming teenagers. I was blessed to have a young lady that was a social worker come into our home and help with my daughter and a guy that was studying to be a therapist came over also to help with the constant fighting between my kids. I even took them separately and together to different specialist at Vanderbilt. One in particular worked primarily with kids from New York City and Miami with some of the most difficult cases . Her husband was a scientist at Vanderbilt and actually discovered that our brains produce dopamine or one of the important things we need for peace . Their last name was Spector or Specter . Anyway , I think I am deflecting a bit here and just noticed .

This has been a very difficult and long road . I do hang on daily sometimes. I’m completely sober in every way, so , I don’t have any thing like that to fall back on and from my experience I know that it doesn’t help anyway . Always makes things worse.
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Many hugs! Take care of yourself. The rest will fall in place. You’ve done more than your share 💗
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
Thank you 🙏
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Robbie, Medicare will not pay for Nursing Home care. If she has assets (savings, CDs, stocks, etc) those go to pay for her care. If she doesn't have assets or a sufficient income stream, she needs to apply for Medicaid (different from Medicare). Have you spoken to the Hospice nurse or social worker about her going into full time care?. That could be a good place to start.

An adult who was abused by their parent is generally advised NEVER to find themselves doing hands on care. It's one of those " no brainer" rules of thumb.

Nnursing Home costs in Mississippi average between $4000-$8000 per month. That's how much money you've been saving her per month. I hope that makes your sense of self worth go way up!!
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
She has Medicare and a Blue Cross Blue Shield policy that she’s had for many years . She pays $250.00 per month for it .

I dunno Brooklyn. Despite anything I do it seems like my family never sees it . My kids and siblings . Sometimes I just want to run away from all of them . Sounds crazy probably .

Thank you for discussing this with me . I will look into everything. I have to read through all of the reply’s later and probably take notes . Something definitely has to change .

I will I’ll let everyone know what is going on . I did this because there was noone else that would in my family . I knew it was to much and honestly didn’t think it would be for 6 years . Thank you again .
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Robbie, I am so sorry you’re going through this. Please read Rosses advise. I would “like” it 100 times, if I could. And please don’t attempt to get conservatorship. You need to detach, not be exponentially more involved.
Your son works, and has a life. He really doesn’t “help” much if he has to come to get you if Mom needs help. You’re killing yourself for an “inheritance” for him? Despite how noble that may sound, it’s just another huge burden you’re carrying. What would would do if there was no “inheritance” involved? Anything different? Just something to think about. Your Mom needs an assessment and you need to get help and get out. You don’t need to live like this. Think of what you’d like your life to be like in a year. Or 2 years. You do have the power to change it.
And just because your Mom is is n hospice doesn’t necessarily mean this situation can’t last for years. My mom graduated from hospice twice and lived another 2 years.
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rocketjcat May 5, 2019
And another thought, are there hospice facilities in your area? My friend was in one for his last month of life and it was wonderful...they waited on him hand and foot. But if you really think she may pass soon (what does the hospice nurse say?) and don’t want to move your Mom to a hospice facility or skilled nursing, I would advise getting more in home help so you can have more free time. If you can’t afford that, her assets should be used for it. Maybe your son could help financially. Whoever holds the POA and purse strings must be made aware you need more hands on help.
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You have had many thorough helpful replies so I will just focus on one area. Since you have been in therapy I am wondering if you have tried antidepressants. I don't want to pry into any sensitive areas. I will just mention my situation.

I am dealing with trying to sell a house in an area that has had setbacks in the market. I am also dealing with a spouse with a cancer diagnosis. I am prone to anxiety and depression. I also have an aging mother in AL. My present medication was doubled and this has helped me greatly. It can't solve the problems but it allows me clarity to live with them. I don't know if that is the answer for you. You obviously have so much to deal with in your life. I would also hope you could search for possibly several support groups. This may be a time that religion could help with the loneliness.

I hope you can find some solutions to help you with the many issues that are in your life. You are worth it.
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
Thank you Riverdale . I have in the past and have never found one that was very successful . I realize that much of the depression is situational. However , that doesn’t mean that it’s not intense or chronic.

I have considered going to a group for caregivers that they have here . I just live way out in the country and that would make it a pain . I have been thinking about church more lately for sure . It has been a while since I have gone .

Thank you for your your reply. I appreciate everyone here. Everyone has been helpful .
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You have Hospice. Tell them you need respite. Pretty sure they allow it. Will give you some time away, even if its a long weekend. I live in NJ so shore points are only 2 hrs away. Best time to get away, before school closes.

I think putting Mom in LTC would be mute at this point. The Hospice Nurse should be able to give you an idea of "how long". If it still could be a while, then ask about transferring her to LTC on her dime. More likely to get a rm if private pay.
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
Thank you JoAnn . Yes , I can get respite care for five days . Maybe just being on the beach or in the mountains for a week would kind of recharge my batteries.

Also , I will ask hospice about the time frame that they believe she has left . I know to qualify it is 3-6 months . She’s been fairly stable and actually started doing better after I brought her home . She is DNA . While she was still lucid enough I asked her while her nurse was here . She said that she definitely didn’t want to be recessitated
when she dies .

Thank you for the advice I truly appreciate it !
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Robbie; With regard to your mother losing her property and ancient home: Her home is an exempt asset while she's alive. MERP (Medicaid recovery) will only be for the amount that is expended on her care in a NH.

The fact that you and your son have provided care in the home and kept her out of a NH makes him and perhaps you eligible for a "caregiver exemption".

Do you have a family lawyer who can point you towards someone who is expert in this area. Is your mother really imminently dying (ask the Hospice nurse)? Folks can hang on for a very long time, living at death's door and rallying.

Have you ever watched the movie "Moonstruck"? If you haven't, you should.

And yes, ask Hospice about respite. You very clearly need some time away to think clearly about this situation.
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
No , we have no family attorney here or she did when she filled out her will and he said he didn’t want to do anything . ? I don’t know . My son helps some because he lives in her home rent free and doesn’t normally pay bills so he better help .
Honestly , I couldn’t have done this without him either . I will look into more stuff tomorrow .

I did find a possible exemption reading about local laws on the internet .

I appreciate your advice . Thank you .P.S. I have seen the movie before, but , not in years , so I’m definitely going to watch it now from a different perspective . Thank you very much .
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(((((((hugs))))) My abusive mother passed last December in a nursing home. I had to back off more and more to preserve myself. Therapy off and on throughout my life helped too. I could never have done hands on care.

Please do what you have to do for yourself - not preserving money or any illusion of a relationship, but preserving yourself and building the life you deserve. Others have given practical advice. Please reach out to the resources around you and make the changes you need to make for you. You can build a good life for yourself. Make one change today and let us know how you are doing.
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
Thank you Golden. I’m shocked at how many caregivers actually were abused . I believe I have been in a state of dissociative disorder since I began . That’s about the only good thing that ever came from child abuse. The ability to remove myself emotionally and mentally from extremely stressful situations . After a while it beats you down you know . I certainly wouldn’t have done this if anyone else in my family would have taken responsibility for her .

I appreciate you sharing with me . I am stressed out this morning as I just had to change her diaper which may not seem like a big deal to many people, but , I have to relive the abuse every time I do especially if it was like today . Most people don’t understand that . What is really sick is it’s like the more uncomfortable I feel etc . she always appears to enjoy that like she is sadistic . In fact ,I know she is.

I’m sorry that you went through that too . It changes the trajectory of your life for a long time until you finally realize what has been going on . Bad relationships , alcohol abuse etc . Bad decisions, inability to trust people or to even let them in . It’s like the abuse destroyed who I was supposed to be and the paths I took in life. Hindsight is 20/20 right ? So we or atleast I realized many of these things much later in life . I didn’t become the man that I was supposed to be . Yes I’m angry . I cannot get that back . I’m sure you can relate .

I am going to reach out and I hope I have not gotten to much off topic by incorporating the other stuff with being a care giver . Thank you . I will keep everyone posted about what I find out and changes .
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Oh no, I am terribly sorry to hear this. I am so thankful for this forum to share thoughts and feelings so I think you came to the right place. I care for my 85 year old Mom and was hit with immediate caregiving last year and I literally feel like I had a mental breakdown. You have WAYYY too much emotionally on your plate my dear, you cannot beat yourself up like this. You have to care for yourself before you care for others. Make a date with YOURSELF first. Plan a day of peace, quiet, go for walks alone, to a movie, out to dinner just to get caught up with your own emotions. Is there a family member, friend or local care service you can call to give you a break and care for Mom for a few hours. You HAVE to break out of this cycle you are in and create a more loving, nurturing environment for yourself. Being a caregiver is VERY emotionally draining but you come first to be strong for your loved one. Sending you love, prayers and hugs. ALSO, try going out with friends to a comedy show, watch comedy movies. I am sharing all the things I have done to get myself out of depression :) hope that helps you in some way. Church helped me as well.
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
Thank You very much Helen . That is excellent advice . I can get respite care with hospice for a week whenever I want basically at least once . I’m just trying to plan that at a time when I can get the most out of it like maybe a short vacation or something ? I’m not sure yet . It doesn’t help to talk to family about this because they don’t have a clue. Especially my kids .

I can get my son to sit with her while I get away for a little while . Infact , my son just texted me and told me grandma needs to be cleaned up and I asked what was going on . Sure enough she went number 2 . So , obviously what he will do is limited. He thinks I have anger issues when I have explosions of adrenaline . You know “fight or flight “ because I told him that I was looking into a nursing home again tomorrow to see if her private insurance will pay as much as I think it will . Yes I was angry. Then he gets on his phone and starts talking about me to someone. I don’t care . Geez , my testosterone has been as high as 2500 and the specialist has not figured out why ?

I totally agree with getting out more and making time for me . Normally that has been when I grocery shop for her and I always rush .

Also , I totally agree about comedy . Laughter is a must...it is very, very important like medicine. When you don’t even feel like laughing you know something has to change .

I’m still in a stressed place right now and I am jumping rope and lifting weights and trying to release some of this tension and stress .

This IS to much and for way to long . I’m not exactly sure what is going to happen . I know she is terminally ill. She’s already surpassed the 3 month mandatory life expectancy for a hospice patient and had to be recertified .

I absolutely appreciate your reply and I am going to read all of these again from everyone . I’m going to try to find a place of peace today and do that .

I have definitely thought about church . That has been on my mind often lately . I could always use a prayer for sure if you have time . The depth of the emotions I must put aside to do what I’ve had to do is overwhelming if I allow it to be for a second .

I cry cry often at least a few tears every time I read , listen and think 🤔 about everything . I know that’s actually a good way to release stress and that holding in emotions actually harms you physically .

Thank you again for the reply . 🙏
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Robbie:

About BCBS and the NH; Mom's Medicare will pay for her to stay at REHAB is a NH after a 3 day qualifying stay in the hospital. Medicare will pay in full for 20 days; from days 21 to 100 there is a co-pay of about $180 per day which a supplemental policy will pick up.

But MEDICARE will not pay for long term care in a NH. If you call the Hospice Social Worker, she can probably walk you through the process of applying for long term care Medicaid. She can also advise you as to the availability of a Hospice facility.
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Robbie55 May 5, 2019
I will look into it further . Thank you very much Brooklyn . I know her insurance would pay for three months of rehab after a three day stay in the hospital, but , I don’t know if she would qualify for rehab . I was told that her private insurance would pay for her room permanently, however , I will double check tomorrow .
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Does she perhaps have long term care insurance?

Tell me what the big deal is about "dying at home"? So that her close male family members can change her diapers? That's perverse in my book.

If her insurance would cover a bed in the NH why do think it would mean she'd lose her home?
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I can't help much because right now I feel the same way; considering walking out and not looking back. Have you considered that? Give Sis or Son a call and say, "I'm leaving. She's all yours." I read something today that said we can't blame others for our situations. We've allowed ourselves to be here! I just wish I had the courage to change it and I hope that for you, also. I'm in Mississippi, too. There is a nice hospice in Ridgeland called Hospice Ministries or maybe you have one closer. I would look into her going in-house. M'care and BC/BS will pay for it.
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Caregiving can be lonely and depressing. We have to push ourselves out of a rut sometimes. Sometimes it means allowing others to offer suggestions or possible solutions. Some possibilities will be feasible, others won’t. We have to keep trying and not give up.

The depression for me at times turns into apathy which is equally as damaging as the depression. If we no longer care, we are not motivated to do anything.

Sometimes, I have found that it was easier for me to take time for myself with my own thoughts because it only got worse if I was misunderstood by others. Acknowledge that we miss seeing things at times too. We are all humans who are imperfectly perfect.

Why beat yourself up trying to find the words to help others understand the message that we are trying to convey? The truth is that most likely they never will. Then the frustration only makes the depression worse.

Acknowledge differences and move on. Don’t try to resolve everything with others. Agree to disagree. This includes the person we are caring for and anyone else. There are things my mom and I will never agree on. Generational difference? Maybe, or maybe just a personality difference. Doesn’t really matter.

I have made myself miserable before from trying to resolve every single issue and it’s simply not worth it. If others want to resolve something by forcing you to say something that you do not feel in your heart, the same applies, then say to them, I stand firm and am not changing my mind. Yes, you may get resistance at first but afterwards most of the time you will get acceptance and sometimes even new found respect. Resolve what can be resolved, the rest can be put aside.

People often treat us the way we treat ourselves. If we dump on ourselves and have no self respect, they subconsciously follow suit but if we show to others that we care about ourselves, they generally show care for us as well.

I don’t have all the answers. No one does. If anyone acts like they have all of the answers, run away as fast as you can! ‘Know it all’ people will drive you crazy. All of us have ‘Know it all’ people in our lives. Most times they are searching for answers too.

These are my experiences. You will find out what works for you just like the rest of us, through trial and error. Best of luck to you, take care, mega hugs!
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Tiger55 May 19, 2019
So true NHWM: "People often treat us the way we treat ourselves". And: "I have made myself miserable before from trying to resolve every single issue and it’s simply not worth it". (These describe the ruins of my life).
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I don't think you are doing any favors by subjecting yourself to the trauma of abusive memories every single day.

Your son earns good money, he doesn't need an inheritance, so toss in the towel and put her in a care home so she doesn't have access to further damage your family or yourself. Let it go and move on. Her money is for her care, not a carrot to dangle so she can hurt anyone.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Robbie, I hope you'll come back and tell us how things are going.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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