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Caring for Mom, seeing the things she does and says and the way she behaves has given me a terrible dread for my own old age. When something like this is in your face day after day, does anyone else feel concerned and dread of the future for yourself? Mom has always been difficult, but now she is a total stranger, a person none of us want to be around. As I watched her become like this over the years, and especially now that she has full blown dementia, I'm starting to analyze myself, worry about every time I forget something and wonder "Is it starting for me? Will I be like her? Will I lose control, will my family not want to be around me?" I never thought much about old age until now. I always knew I would eventually lose my hearing, that I can deal with and get help. But the dementia, when it is right in front of you constantly it becomes a dreadful reminder of the future to come.

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Most caregivers must think about this. I certainly do. If you really want to get depressed read the book or watch the movie "Still Alice". It's about a woman with early onset alz. In the movie the character has made very good, fail safe plans to end her life when the dementia reaches a certain level. Alas, due to the dementia she is unable to carry out her plan. Yikes! My wife and I had discussed this same scenario. We have no kids to watch out for us as we decline. Well, back to the drawing board..... Back to the issue, at minimum everyone needs to get all the legal stuff done. Wills, end of life directives, care choices, POA etc. We are trying to figure out who to put in charge. Law firm, judge, who? We can't obsess about old age and dementia nor be depressed about it. It happens to all of us. I'm just hoping I end my life having done more good for this world than harm.
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I learned from my parents to save for those rainy days, so that's good.

But I am learning from my parents on what not to do... like trying to live in a single family home with two sets of stairs that they barely can maneuver, and now depending on me for driving. My plans is for me to move into a retirement community that offers the residents transportation service... that way I would still be in control and not having to wait for a relative to take me somewhere.

Also, I have already updated my Will, Trust, POA's, so no last minute panic like I had with my parents [93 and 97] who this past Monday finally signed new legal paperwork, to get rid of a prior Will that had numerous family names but all who have since departed.
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I am getting rid of junk, all of the time. No one will want or need my stuff, after I am gone. If it is just me, I will move to AL.
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Having children is no guarantee that you will be taken care of. Or maybe I watch too much ID channel! We do have children but I personally would rather be euthanized early on than have my children go through the nightmares we have endured. But to answer the question of the thread, yes. Terrified. And the more I read the messages in these forums the more frightening it seems. I guess the take away from all this is to do what you can while you still can, and enjoy what you have while you still have it. And to try to remember what NOT to do as we age from what we have seen and experienced.
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Freqflyer, I just did the same thing with VHS tapes. There were hundreds of them, a lot I had recorded off shows, but a good many were expensive purchased movies, etc. Unfortunately, my daughters tell me neither they nor anyone else wants them, including donation sites, as they have found the tapes degenerate over time and are likely to break with use. Plus, no one has a VHS player anymore. Sure wish I had back all that money I "invested" in those movies! Lol! Oh well, at least I cleared out a bunch of shelf space and didn't leave it for my kids to do later on. We have cleared out two homes of stuff collected by elders recently and it was a huge job. Unless you have some really high end collectibles, sadly, no one else wants all the treasures we hold on to so dearly. There is enough for families to deal with after a passing without having to de-junk entire houses.
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Definately. When my Mom and I were at the hospital and she kept calling for me while I was standing just a few feet away..I had to keep yelling back - I'm here Ma! An elderly gentleman tried consoling her as well, he then walked up to me and said "Growing old ain't for sissies"... I heartily agree and it makes me want to join the foreign legion to "go out with ma boots on". When this disease gets more epidemic than it already is, it will overwhelm families and facilities. That thought is dreadful.
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I am scared about the future, of being in a lot of pain from arthritis and no solution, as mom is. I am.scared of running out of money, not because we have not diligently saved & sacrificed, by forgoing vacations, new cars,furniture, college for.kids, you name it we have lived frugally, yet I see so many others live beyond their means, have saved nothing & say they will just have the government pay their bills.....well that is bad news for thrifty people like me! Taxes will go up immensely to pay for all the subsidies for housing, food, medical,, cell phones, etc etc and finally the nursing home or.assisted living for all the folks who "lived it up" while.younger. I wish they could take a 50-year look back for all the senior's asking for SNAP, subsidized housing or Medicaid to pay their food, housing & medical bills. Government subsidies were Never Ever Meant to be a way of life.
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I worry all the time...we don't have kids and I do not trust anyone in my family to care for us after seeing how much they don't care to help mom who has dementia.
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Yes, I definitely worried when I take time to consider it. My father died with dementia three years ago. My mother lives with it now. Two of my mother's siblings died from dementia that set in when they were in their 70s. I like what Windy said about doing more good than harm. Maybe a good thing to concentrate on is to do as much good as we can and keep our hopes up that our minds will stay healthy until the end.
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What scares me is that I see that there are no good programs or support groups for people who lose their memory. Once you're so far along that you don't know what's going on, there are day groups and all sorts of things. But when you're first going through the memory loss and changes, there just seems to be nothing to help you get through it. People with memory loss sometimes don't know they're experiencing it, but others do and for those people, it's really scary.

I've tried so hard to find programs for Mom and they're just scarce. She's really alone in it, despite my help, because I can't really understand fully since I'm not going through the same thing, myself. When I'm her age and going through it, I'll feel alone and scared just as she does.

Right now, I find that scary and depressing. It's sad that I know that that's what I'm looking to the future for and that there doesn't seem to be any way to change it.
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