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I waver between believing desperately in a force for Good and Kindness and Parity in this world and total Atheism.
Those who are "legitimately/ specifically" religious DO NOT READ FURTHER!
GOD is NOT easing my burdens, making a place for me at "HIS TABLE" I have no use for be-jeweled crowns, or arranged seating charts by burdens and goodness.
No GOD is taking my part or my place, Jesus is not cleaning grandpas urinals, or wiping feces off the walls. Mohamed is not standing between me and grandpas disgusting leering glances. Buddha is no where when I twitch,stressed out trying to sleep. Yahweh, Jehovah, RA, Zeus and the Prophet Moroni are NOT walking my steps with me and doing the work or soothing the aches of mind and body. I have prayed, begged, hoped, wished, VISUALIZED, pay'd it forward, meditated on it, slept on it and yearned for years of nothing but the same BS. IF I believed in a GOD of endless, repetitious misery, I would be an enigma in that I would have actual proof "of".

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years ago when i was in so much stress , i cried so hard in my bathroom , didnt want my kids to see me crying ,
i cried so hard and said out loud , THERES NO GOD ! by that time my mom appeard and smiled at me . i bawled oh mommy oh mommmm i need u and she just smiled and fade away . i bawled and bawled , how i miss my mom and it was just a split secs she poped up and smiled when i said theres no god . im thinking mmm she showed up to tell me yes there is god .
called my dad , i didnt tell him what was going on . just told him im just stressed out and down in the dump and told him what was my pblm . he said oh linda , something better is coming at your way .
i thought long and hard about it and snaped out of my depressions state and start lookin forward to something better coming at my way .
yes there is god , he s out there . answered or not answered ,
there is help out there ! go get one . dont jump up cuz someone barked and growl . go outside and let him bark and growl all he wants . u are not cinderlea . u are human begin .
if pa was at the nursing home he would have to wait hours to be his turn of care . so when he hollars i let him hollar till i get me myself done . then i ll go see what he wants .
be strong girl ! bark right back at em and let them know ure not going to tollerate it anymore , hire a help ! get a merry or a sara !!! go away and have urself a time alone . i go outside and sit and enjoy my time , pa hollars alot anyway wanna wanna wanna , then he realized i aint jumpin anymore so he apprecates what i do for him . i AM NOT CINDERELA ..
girl there is god , other wise we wouldnt have this agingcare dot com . :-)
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Great thread - I also am a believer who disobeyed you and read on. But seriously, I have had an ATHEIST friend spout off some "don't worry be happy" (a-) theology at me. So I thoroughly understand why that's offensive - you are in a very sad situation, grievng - and someone wants to blow that off by telling you how happy you should be. And then you find yourself not only still unhappy, but feeling guilty about being unhappy! The only solution for me was to read and remember what the Bible really had to say about that - one is that we are expected to dance with those who dance and mourn with those who mourn, NOT to tell them to quit whichever they are doing so they can feel like we want them to feel - and TWO - imagine what it would be like if one of these "dime store theologians" (love the phrase there!) walked into the Garden of Gesthsename and tried to tell Jesus he shouldn't be distressed. :-) Any religion that clams to be a pass to a stress-free, sorrow-free life is a load of phony baloney.

The battery cable story brightened my day - good one! And I thoroughly identify with the guilt of doing the right thing against parent's wishes. Its hard, very hard, whether or not said parents are able to circumvent. My mom likes to tell people she is allergic to any food she does not want, so if I don't sneak around her back and tell them about this habit, she could end up with nothing safe to put on her tray. She hates when I talk about her and polices my going to talk to her nurse or anyone, so I have had to get clever and go out one entrance and in another to do it without her knowledge.

That said, I'll take all the prayers I can get, however imperfectly intentioned. The God I believe in is highly tolerant of human foibles, including my own, and who am I to tell anyone how to pray or what to pray for? There are people who have not been through what we are going through, who have not had to learn the difference between joy and happiness, who will need our hugs and prayers for sure if ever reality should ever strike their little world.
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I am a person who says I will pray for you and actually does it. I also step up to the plate. Not to blow my own horn but just trying to stick up for the side of people who say they will pray for you. We are not all hypocrites.

But evil prevails when good men and women do nothing. I think if all the people in the world who profess to love God did their share this world would definitely not be the horrible place that it's becoming. If you walk by a homeless person, tell them you will pray for them and then keep going that's not right. I remember my Hubs and I were on vacation in London and this homeless guy was sitting there with this big, beautiful husky dog. I ran over to pat the dog and then suddenly realized that here I was patting his dog and completely ignoring him. So, I went over to him and patted him on the back and said I guess you need a pat some time too. He got tears in his eyes and said yes.

It says in the bible "what you do to the least of my brethren, you do to me"

Sorry for preaching but if I didn't stick up for the side of God, I couldn't call myself a believer.
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Most people are in their own little world and do not see what the truth is next time someone tells you that they will pray for you tell them you prayed that someone would cook a meal for you or sitt for two hrs. with your loved one so you could take a nap or a shower beause you are going 24 hrs a day-and would they be that person.
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Jsomebody, if I were in your shoes and living your life, I don't think I'd believe in a god either.
I questioned God many times why I got stuck with an abusive, mean mother. I asked him why he took my wonderful loving father and left me with the witch to care for without any help from my sister. Over the yrs, I have just chalked it up to life. We are born and we die . . . and the stuff inbetween happens. I feel it's up to us to choose, cope, deal with, remedy, laugh about or cry over. Sometimes we can find answers, sometimes we make mistakes. How you cope in your life is up to you and should not be open to judgement by others.
I happen to believe there is a God. On the other hand, I respect your right to not believe. I think some people are sincere when they say they'll pray for you, others just say it as a cliche. On another thread someone said they'd pray for me (because I said I didn't agree with their answer and statements) but they weren't sincere and I found it all to be very silly. Because of what you've said, I see that it doesn't help people who don't believe in a god, to hear "I'll pray for you" and I'll never say it again especially if I can't do anything for them. Having said that, may I say that I WISH and HOPE something good will happen in your life to bring you some happiness whatever that may be. Nobody deserves to be as unhappy as you are.
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Hi Jsomebody~
I also am a Christian, but read your post anyway. Can I say something? It may not help, but maybe you won't feel so alone. I have two ill parents as well - one suffering from liver cancer, and the other needing a liver transplant (gee, where'd all these great liver genes come from anyway?). I am the main caretaker at times when they can't do things that need to be done. And I am also married to a baptist preacher. I find that people who tell me they'll pray for me (and my parents) are genuine about it, but they don't know what else to say or do to help. I get discouraged ALOT- with family and with our church because I too feel that alot of times people say these things to you to be nice and go along on their way - so don't think that God believing folk have it easy - you know God said it would rain on the just and the unjust alike. That is the world we live in. It stinks. Truly. I totally agree and don't understand either, but I know God is with me. It may not be His will to change my situation, but I know I am not alone. And it's hard to remember that when I am down in the dumps. (which honestly - is quite often) I have two kids under the age of ten, and my parents have a kennel that I have to take care of (which I do because I feel guilty feeling like they have to get rid of their animals if I don't help). I really do know where you are coming from. I am thankful for this board, because I think it is a place where we can keep each other encouraged. No one can say they know how you feel unless they've been there, and everyone here is struggling with the same type of thing. May God Bless each caregiver here for all they do (that is my prayer), and those they care for. Hang in there.
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I had this with the one sibling that still attends church regularly. (The rest of us don't - being forced to go to church or stay home with an abusive parent who was all too willing to "watch us" so he could be alone with us kind of soured us on the whole church experience.)

Aside from taking mom for an occasional ride, paying for her breakfast if we went out, or ONCE taking Mom to the doctor for me, there was no help, physical, emotional or financial. What I got from the one sibling was, "I'll pray for you." I wanted to scream back, "I don't WANT your prayers. What I NEED is your HELP!"

I put myself behind the 8 ball financially to take care of Mom, both at home and after she was in the nursing home. I paid almost a double share of her funeral bill, which was split 4 ways, because one sibling didn't/couldn't kick in more than $100 at the outset of the bill. So I paid almost a full double share on that. I bought Mom clothes, I took her on trips (only one of which was accompanied by a sibling who helped take care of mom on the trip - one diarrhea mess and I knew she wouldn't be helping again), took her to doctor appts, made sure she ate healthier (resulting in a 90 point drop in her cholesterol and weight loss over the course of a year), paid bills that she couldn't afford on her social security income, helped her pay off the 2nd mortgage on her home by making double payments with my own money, and far more.

And they want to pray for me.....and that's supposed to be enough. Sorry, but I'm not buying it.
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Hardebeck, That is so intersting,I have had several of those occurances myself.Its been when I least suspect it.I was mowing the yard and ran threw big nasty wasp nest,didn't realize it[my dad was allegic to wasps extreme]I heard his voice just as clear--RUN--RUN. I stomped the pedal to the medal and took off-just a reflex to the yelling-looked back saw wasps behind me-I would have been stung bad if he didn't hollar.Another occurance was similar to yours ,I was mad and upset and I heard Jeff and felt his arms around me.He stayed a good while that time,it was the longest occurance-if I ever doubted GOD I don't anymore.Just in case anyone is wondering I don't drink or do drugs not even the antidepressants.I could see him as plain as day,he did not look sick anymore.
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Dear jsomebody,

I read your post, and I spent some time thinking about what you said … not just the words but the ideas, hurt, anger and pain, and all of the rest behind it. I am not responding in defense of God – He doesn’t need me to “defend” His existence. I am also not responding to offer you platitudes or empty encouragement. I hope that I am honestly and with all respect, providing you with more to think about in your life’s journey, and maybe, just “maybe” something more.

By your own words, you deny that there is a creator, a sovereign entity that is ultimately in control of your life. Then by your own admission the only person to blame is … you. By rejecting any other valid argument, you set yourself up as the ultimate cause. That means you are where you are today because of your own decisions. Since you are in charge of your life, you have no one else to blame.

You have conveniently chosen atheism … which is a belief system which requires just as much faith in its precepts as any other religion. So, by your own words you are just lazy, insignificant, and worthless. If you cannot accept that you were created by God, an incredible creation by design, chosen, or put here for a reason ... then your existence, your life, everything you are going through since you were born is meaningless.

I am looking earnestly at the abyss you accept as your reality. You are striking out at people who have in your opinion, offered you empty promises, lied to you, or did not live up to the expectations you placed on them. You reject the existence of “something more than this” because you cannot see God at work in their lives. As you focus more and more intently on your own hurts, woes, struggles and heartaches, you are more and more convinced that there is simply no hope, no way out. They are no better off than you, unless they by random chance chose better than you did. Every single one of us will face struggles, heartache, and loss. Every one of us faces the final countdown – death.

If I believed that, accepted that, I would see no reason to keep trying. My faith in God doesn’t solve all my problems. It doesn’t make me rich, or successful – I am not better or somehow more worthy than you … I’m just another sinner, another beggar in this world who is willing to share my crust of bread … but I know where my hope is, and where it's not. It’s not in myself.

Where is your hope found? Instead of looking down or inward … look up. There is something about turning our focus outside of our own selves that helps to bring everything else into perspective.

On their album “For Those Who Wait,” FireFlight says it better:

When you’re fighting to believe in a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

God, I’m gonna lean into You now
Letting go of all my fear and doubt
I can’t do this on my own so I’ll give You control
I know I’m not the only one

The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it

~FyreFly
p.s. I seriously recommend a book by Lee Strobel, a former athiest, "The Case for Christ" - it is his invesigative journey, and well worth the read.
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Hey J-- You know everybody that believes in God is going to have to read this post when you said not too.Its like telling a kid not to look in the closet-we have to look. I was pretty pissed off at God for taking the love of my life and my childs dad.I haven't found anything positive about his death yet nor has my child,but I keep thinking I will figure it out sooner or later.Tough times bring out the character in a person,tough times sometimes prepares you for something great you yet don't see that will come on down the road.Alot of folks on here have the character because of there challenges they didn't have before.I personally like people praying for me because it sends positive vibes my way-don't like flip religious answers no more than I like someone saying 'how are you''? with out meaning it. I sure wish there was a way you could have a long break.
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