I waver between believing desperately in a force for Good and Kindness and Parity in this world and total Atheism.
Those who are "legitimately/ specifically" religious DO NOT READ FURTHER!
GOD is NOT easing my burdens, making a place for me at "HIS TABLE" I have no use for be-jeweled crowns, or arranged seating charts by burdens and goodness.
No GOD is taking my part or my place, Jesus is not cleaning grandpas urinals, or wiping feces off the walls. Mohamed is not standing between me and grandpas disgusting leering glances. Buddha is no where when I twitch,stressed out trying to sleep. Yahweh, Jehovah, RA, Zeus and the Prophet Moroni are NOT walking my steps with me and doing the work or soothing the aches of mind and body. I have prayed, begged, hoped, wished, VISUALIZED, pay'd it forward, meditated on it, slept on it and yearned for years of nothing but the same BS. IF I believed in a GOD of endless, repetitious misery, I would be an enigma in that I would have actual proof "of".

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years ago when i was in so much stress , i cried so hard in my bathroom , didnt want my kids to see me crying ,
i cried so hard and said out loud , THERES NO GOD ! by that time my mom appeard and smiled at me . i bawled oh mommy oh mommmm i need u and she just smiled and fade away . i bawled and bawled , how i miss my mom and it was just a split secs she poped up and smiled when i said theres no god . im thinking mmm she showed up to tell me yes there is god .
called my dad , i didnt tell him what was going on . just told him im just stressed out and down in the dump and told him what was my pblm . he said oh linda , something better is coming at your way .
i thought long and hard about it and snaped out of my depressions state and start lookin forward to something better coming at my way .
yes there is god , he s out there . answered or not answered ,
there is help out there ! go get one . dont jump up cuz someone barked and growl . go outside and let him bark and growl all he wants . u are not cinderlea . u are human begin .
if pa was at the nursing home he would have to wait hours to be his turn of care . so when he hollars i let him hollar till i get me myself done . then i ll go see what he wants .
be strong girl ! bark right back at em and let them know ure not going to tollerate it anymore , hire a help ! get a merry or a sara !!! go away and have urself a time alone . i go outside and sit and enjoy my time , pa hollars alot anyway wanna wanna wanna , then he realized i aint jumpin anymore so he apprecates what i do for him . i AM NOT CINDERELA ..
girl there is god , other wise we wouldnt have this agingcare dot com . :-)
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Great thread - I also am a believer who disobeyed you and read on. But seriously, I have had an ATHEIST friend spout off some "don't worry be happy" (a-) theology at me. So I thoroughly understand why that's offensive - you are in a very sad situation, grievng - and someone wants to blow that off by telling you how happy you should be. And then you find yourself not only still unhappy, but feeling guilty about being unhappy! The only solution for me was to read and remember what the Bible really had to say about that - one is that we are expected to dance with those who dance and mourn with those who mourn, NOT to tell them to quit whichever they are doing so they can feel like we want them to feel - and TWO - imagine what it would be like if one of these "dime store theologians" (love the phrase there!) walked into the Garden of Gesthsename and tried to tell Jesus he shouldn't be distressed. :-) Any religion that clams to be a pass to a stress-free, sorrow-free life is a load of phony baloney.

The battery cable story brightened my day - good one! And I thoroughly identify with the guilt of doing the right thing against parent's wishes. Its hard, very hard, whether or not said parents are able to circumvent. My mom likes to tell people she is allergic to any food she does not want, so if I don't sneak around her back and tell them about this habit, she could end up with nothing safe to put on her tray. She hates when I talk about her and polices my going to talk to her nurse or anyone, so I have had to get clever and go out one entrance and in another to do it without her knowledge.

That said, I'll take all the prayers I can get, however imperfectly intentioned. The God I believe in is highly tolerant of human foibles, including my own, and who am I to tell anyone how to pray or what to pray for? There are people who have not been through what we are going through, who have not had to learn the difference between joy and happiness, who will need our hugs and prayers for sure if ever reality should ever strike their little world.
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Hi Jsomebody~
I also am a Christian, but read your post anyway. Can I say something? It may not help, but maybe you won't feel so alone. I have two ill parents as well - one suffering from liver cancer, and the other needing a liver transplant (gee, where'd all these great liver genes come from anyway?). I am the main caretaker at times when they can't do things that need to be done. And I am also married to a baptist preacher. I find that people who tell me they'll pray for me (and my parents) are genuine about it, but they don't know what else to say or do to help. I get discouraged ALOT- with family and with our church because I too feel that alot of times people say these things to you to be nice and go along on their way - so don't think that God believing folk have it easy - you know God said it would rain on the just and the unjust alike. That is the world we live in. It stinks. Truly. I totally agree and don't understand either, but I know God is with me. It may not be His will to change my situation, but I know I am not alone. And it's hard to remember that when I am down in the dumps. (which honestly - is quite often) I have two kids under the age of ten, and my parents have a kennel that I have to take care of (which I do because I feel guilty feeling like they have to get rid of their animals if I don't help). I really do know where you are coming from. I am thankful for this board, because I think it is a place where we can keep each other encouraged. No one can say they know how you feel unless they've been there, and everyone here is struggling with the same type of thing. May God Bless each caregiver here for all they do (that is my prayer), and those they care for. Hang in there.
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Most people are in their own little world and do not see what the truth is next time someone tells you that they will pray for you tell them you prayed that someone would cook a meal for you or sitt for two hrs. with your loved one so you could take a nap or a shower beause you are going 24 hrs a day-and would they be that person.
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Dear jsomebody,

I read your post, and I spent some time thinking about what you said … not just the words but the ideas, hurt, anger and pain, and all of the rest behind it. I am not responding in defense of God – He doesn’t need me to “defend” His existence. I am also not responding to offer you platitudes or empty encouragement. I hope that I am honestly and with all respect, providing you with more to think about in your life’s journey, and maybe, just “maybe” something more.

By your own words, you deny that there is a creator, a sovereign entity that is ultimately in control of your life. Then by your own admission the only person to blame is … you. By rejecting any other valid argument, you set yourself up as the ultimate cause. That means you are where you are today because of your own decisions. Since you are in charge of your life, you have no one else to blame.

You have conveniently chosen atheism … which is a belief system which requires just as much faith in its precepts as any other religion. So, by your own words you are just lazy, insignificant, and worthless. If you cannot accept that you were created by God, an incredible creation by design, chosen, or put here for a reason ... then your existence, your life, everything you are going through since you were born is meaningless.

I am looking earnestly at the abyss you accept as your reality. You are striking out at people who have in your opinion, offered you empty promises, lied to you, or did not live up to the expectations you placed on them. You reject the existence of “something more than this” because you cannot see God at work in their lives. As you focus more and more intently on your own hurts, woes, struggles and heartaches, you are more and more convinced that there is simply no hope, no way out. They are no better off than you, unless they by random chance chose better than you did. Every single one of us will face struggles, heartache, and loss. Every one of us faces the final countdown – death.

If I believed that, accepted that, I would see no reason to keep trying. My faith in God doesn’t solve all my problems. It doesn’t make me rich, or successful – I am not better or somehow more worthy than you … I’m just another sinner, another beggar in this world who is willing to share my crust of bread … but I know where my hope is, and where it's not. It’s not in myself.

Where is your hope found? Instead of looking down or inward … look up. There is something about turning our focus outside of our own selves that helps to bring everything else into perspective.

On their album “For Those Who Wait,” FireFlight says it better:

When you’re fighting to believe in a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

God, I’m gonna lean into You now
Letting go of all my fear and doubt
I can’t do this on my own so I’ll give You control
I know I’m not the only one

The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it

p.s. I seriously recommend a book by Lee Strobel, a former athiest, "The Case for Christ" - it is his invesigative journey, and well worth the read.
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Hey J-- You know everybody that believes in God is going to have to read this post when you said not too.Its like telling a kid not to look in the closet-we have to look. I was pretty pissed off at God for taking the love of my life and my childs dad.I haven't found anything positive about his death yet nor has my child,but I keep thinking I will figure it out sooner or later.Tough times bring out the character in a person,tough times sometimes prepares you for something great you yet don't see that will come on down the road.Alot of folks on here have the character because of there challenges they didn't have before.I personally like people praying for me because it sends positive vibes my way-don't like flip religious answers no more than I like someone saying 'how are you''? with out meaning it. I sure wish there was a way you could have a long break.
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Hardebeck, That is so intersting,I have had several of those occurances myself.Its been when I least suspect it.I was mowing the yard and ran threw big nasty wasp nest,didn't realize it[my dad was allegic to wasps extreme]I heard his voice just as clear--RUN--RUN. I stomped the pedal to the medal and took off-just a reflex to the yelling-looked back saw wasps behind me-I would have been stung bad if he didn't hollar.Another occurance was similar to yours ,I was mad and upset and I heard Jeff and felt his arms around me.He stayed a good while that time,it was the longest occurance-if I ever doubted GOD I don't anymore.Just in case anyone is wondering I don't drink or do drugs not even the antidepressants.I could see him as plain as day,he did not look sick anymore.
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Jsomebody, if I were in your shoes and living your life, I don't think I'd believe in a god either.
I questioned God many times why I got stuck with an abusive, mean mother. I asked him why he took my wonderful loving father and left me with the witch to care for without any help from my sister. Over the yrs, I have just chalked it up to life. We are born and we die . . . and the stuff inbetween happens. I feel it's up to us to choose, cope, deal with, remedy, laugh about or cry over. Sometimes we can find answers, sometimes we make mistakes. How you cope in your life is up to you and should not be open to judgement by others.
I happen to believe there is a God. On the other hand, I respect your right to not believe. I think some people are sincere when they say they'll pray for you, others just say it as a cliche. On another thread someone said they'd pray for me (because I said I didn't agree with their answer and statements) but they weren't sincere and I found it all to be very silly. Because of what you've said, I see that it doesn't help people who don't believe in a god, to hear "I'll pray for you" and I'll never say it again especially if I can't do anything for them. Having said that, may I say that I WISH and HOPE something good will happen in your life to bring you some happiness whatever that may be. Nobody deserves to be as unhappy as you are.
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This was a very interesting subject and I am glad it came out. These thoughts should not become taboo, because, as a friend of mine said, "When something becomes taboo, everything becomes taboo". I think most people, in distressing periods of life, have questioned God. I am having very difficult years, so, honestly, I'm feeling far from Him, right now. But I keep searching for answers and I am sure that this crisis will come to a happy ending. I have never doubted, though, that exists of a stream of "Goodness" which fights against the darkness, which can take many forms, a friend, an animal who loves you, a perfect stranger who lends you a hand and makes you smile when you feel down, down, down. This site testifies that there are people who care about other people, who look for support, but give a lot of support, too. Sometimes this support comes under the form of kind words, sometimes it comes under the form of tough words.. But it is a support, anyway!
Tks to all of you
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Jsomebody...I don't believe anymore....yeah I gave it up. I don't believe in some imaginary God out there who supposedly created everything and's a nice fairytale fantasy story that makes people feel good but naw. We are on our own and it's gonna take all we got to get through it by ourselves. Funny thing this morning they said on the news that prayers work...and the punchline to this newstory was that if you leaned in really close to the person then the prayers would work. Okay so to me that plays to the sick persons psyche of making them think they are going to get better. It did me no good all these years - wasted a lot of time and money. The best thing about religion is that it tries to bring folks together to care and be fair. I think that's the basis of all religions anyway. It really is just a natural law with the emphasis of a god who will punish if you don't be good kinda thing. Mankind wrote down all those words in the bible, not a god on some lofty cloud somewhere. These are my thoughts on the matter...and don't appreciate any pouncing from the religious can have it your way...and I will have it my way. One good thing about the USA...freedom of choice
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