Is anyone else feeling scared about your own future?

Yes I am scared stiff! Not that that helps any. No kids and only child but two close friends will sort things I hope and I am leaving my half of house and savings to them to give to animal charities as they are both committed animal people. Husband not interested - has made no will and wants to give something to his useless relatives. I am caring for him as best I can.

There is a memory and mobility center in our town. I am planning on a visit for both myself and husband to do assessments on our brain health so we know how we are doing and don't freak out over lost keys.

I tried to get long term insurance but my health issues made it too expensive.

We looked at one of the continuing care residences but in our area they are few and far between and VERY expensive.

Don't worry about the future (we all some time,unless you step in front of a bus..
which sounds like a good idea on some days). Check with the Dept of Aging in your are...they have plenty of ideas to use. Your area might also have a "adult day care" that would give you break to give you a break to get the "necessary" things in order. I agree with the others, de- clutter..give things to your kids/friends now so they can enjoy them with you. Another helpful idea is to look at pics...get names of who you done know & talk about past times. You'll find yourself laughing. None of us know what tomorrow will bring,much less the future. Use the present as much as you can,

Yes, I sometimes get scared about the immediate future, maybe I will run out of toilet paper. lol.

When I look at toilet paper and wonder what is this for, then I'll really start worrying. Until then I'll try not to panic.:P

Gershun, oh my gosh, I also get stumped on an simple word while typing on this website, too. That can be so frustrating. I even found I cannot hand write a message in a greeting card any more because I depend too much on spell-check :P

Gershun, hoping you don't forget to allow us to be your 'come back to' persons.
There are other conditions that mimic dementia. If it's been too long since you've been checked out by your doctor, try that. Decrease worry, re-focus your thoughts.

My husband and I discuss this topic a lot now. My Mom was always so intelligent and was always my "go to" person. When I realized that I had become her "go to" person that was real eye opening for me. But I think if you have all your ducks in a row, so to speak as far as financial planning etc. there really is no point sitting and stewing about it. Its not like there is anything you can do about it if your mind does start going. My Mom was in denial the whole last two years of her life. She was convinced we were all losing our minds I think cause to herself she was the same.

I forget names more now and sometimes even when I'm posting on this site I forget how to spell a simple word. I think oh my God, is it starting already. But thats life. Don't mean to sound glib but........thats life.

Hi Amy Grace, I'm sure all of Us Who care for a Love one Who suffers from dementia or Alzheimer's do fret about old age, and very often when I forget..I'm wondering is Alzheimer's after taking a grip on Me too ? But I'm not going to worry about it, why would I worry when it's out of My control...there is nothing that I can do to side step My destiny, except Live as good a Life as I possibly can within the Commandments of God. Live well and be as good as You can be, and be happy.
Invite joy back into Your Life. You will be fine AmyGrace.

However, not scared exactly, as He says: 'For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for your welfare and not calamity'

The minute someone posts about my diapers; what I talk about and the person not there to whom they think I'm speaking to; or about how mean I've become or so sweet and spacey; then any dignity will be gone. Yes, I am despairing about it now, wishing there was someone as good as the many loving caregivers on here to take care of me and my husband when that time arrives, but that is just not going to happen.

My elderly parents life has been smooth sailing until this past month. Now I am witnessing how much it actually cost to have certified licensed and bonded caregivers in my parents house to look after my Dad who is 94. Dad did mention he would like to price Assisted Living, thus he has choices.

My Mom [97] is now in rehab/long term care. All this is costly. Thank goodness they saved for such a rainy day but I worry about the next major storm.

And I worry that I won't have enough money to tie myself when my time comes. Of course I don't expect to live into my 90's or even into my 80's... the stress of caregiving has really shorten my life. I will never enjoy the retirement that my parents had :(

Yes, worry constantly about my financial welfare and if Medicaid will help pay for an Assisted Living Facility. I cared for mom for 7 years 24/7, but have since come to realize that i am almost 65, have no husband to lean on, and must begin to do something about this situation. So, I am moving out of mom's house entrusting her full time care to my son and his family as I will cut my hours with her to part time. I have found a job and realize it is definitely time to start taking care of myself to alleviate this apprehension about the future. However, no one has control over health issues or other unpredictable mishaps. But at least I can try to move forward my life instead of spending the next 10 years staying in this same situation and feeling paralyzing fear about my future.

Yes. My mom was diagnosed with dementia in her early 50's (around age 52?). Then her mom got diagnosed with dementia in her old age. I'm age 49. The 50's are looming. Stress is one of the triggers for early dementia. I've got 2 strikes already - inherited and caregiving stress, job stress, money stress... I saw this topic pop up a while back. Every time I tried to post here, I got depress. And erased my answers. I figured I will post here and be done with it.

I'll add my 2 cents here -- I have more of a "socialist" mentality than some, where I'm fine with contributing in the form of taxes, IF it goes towards a healthier, safer society at large (even though I don't have kids, I'm ok w/my taxes going toward schools -- but don't get me started on my local school system, which I think is the most crooked outfit around!). Whenever I watch a travel show on whatever European country that has comparably much higher taxes than we do, but there are NO worries at all about retirement and elder care -- and it's all top notch care! -- I think, what is our problem?? Why can't we get it right?

I don't know if poor people have taken anything from me. I have always filed with no children, so taxes have been max. I figured I was just paying extra for all the people that had children to deduct. :) That always seemed a bit unfair, since children cost so much in tax money. Shouldn't people pay more per child, instead of less? But it's not how it is. I just pay my taxes and figure protesting would just be tilting at windmills. We little guys are voiceless.

"plzdnr" says it all. My kids know my wishes.

I am always in favor of helping those who need it. But the definition of who needs it, has morphed incredibly over the past 30 yrs. It used to be OK for welfare recipients to have very basic, no frills housing. When I drive past Section 8 housing in my neighborhood it looks almost nicer than my own home. The free cell.phones are ridiculous, as are the ads on TV. It's just like kids now--they think because iPhone exists, they should have one. Or the car in my driveway --if it's just sitting there, they ought to have my keys and drive it. Other parents fall for this nonsense--no restraint, no "earning" the respect, no earning your place in Society. I hate to say it but all this permissiveness, has burned together with the smoldering fires of welfare entitlement, and now both ideas are almost too hard to beat back the flames. The middle class are the ones without a safe place to retreat. We are going to get burned royally...the wealthy are always sheltered from the heat.

The middle class is squeezed. My situation is probably typical for many of us middle class caregivers. My mother doesn't want to pay me anything. In fact, she thinks I ought to pay her to live here. I told her that wasn't going to happen. My parents have too many assets to qualify for any caregiver compensation. That doesn't bother me really, since I'm able to make some money... when I can. My main money crunch comes from work time lost living life for two people. Like this week there are two doctor appointments and I have to have the car maintained. Then she said she wants to go get her hair cut because it is touching her neck. Hair is supposed to touch necks! And she wants to go Easter shopping. So tomorrow I'm taking pictures for my shop so I can get things on to sell. I tell myself that next week I'll catch up. But when next week comes there is always something to disrupt at least half of my days. I work a lot of evenings, but sometimes I am so emotionally exhausted that I just can't face it.

I realize that this picture is not a good one. There are ways to correct it, but nothing that is better than what we are living now. I talked to another caregiver today at church. She is in her 40s and since college has taken care of her mother. She said one day we will be happy we did. I told her I didn't know, since I was 63. I might die before my mother, since I had gotten into the higher risk group. We never know what will happen.

I am so glad that our geniuses of the world were smart enough to bring computers into our homes. And the internet... bless those people. Many of us caregivers are able to eke away a semblance of a living online. Even that is drying up, though, with the flood of people and stores selling online -- so much competition now.

I know I don't mind giving to those who had fallen on bad times such as having to use all their hard earned savings for medical emergencies [back before everyone was required to have medical insurance].... or if they had worked hard and their business failed.

It just irks me to see my tax money going to those who shopped like there was no tomorrow, then they cry poverty because oops they had max out their dozens of credit cards on trips, cars, clothes, etc. I knew someone who had filed bankruptcy twice because of that.

My sig other's grown daughter use to think her Dad was an ATM machine until I told him that she needs to learn to work hard and save like he did. Why on earth was he handing over money to her and her husband when the two of them always had two brand new cars. And his vehicle of choice was 15 years old because he found it a lot cheaper hanging onto a vehicle until the wheels would fall off. Let them learn that, too. Plus no one needs to buy a pair of $200 blue jeans :P

Mallory you are so right! Those of us who work the hardest are being asked to give more and more to support all who didn't work or people who are not even US citizens. We seniors have a fixed income but the cost of living is going up 5x faster than social security raises (social security which was supposed to be invested for us was spent by the government and now our checks are not enough to pay our bills, and the puny raises don't even cover the increase in health insurance and medicare) I am scared too. Because what we have might not be enough. Its a case of those who have nothing because they never bothered - they get housing, free medical, food stamps etc. Those of us who have something, but not enough to keep up - we get nothing. You have to be either broke or super rich. The middle class is left to fend for themselves. I worry if my savings will be eaten away by increased cost of living, and then if I get sick or need to be in assisted living, there will be little to nothing left.

I am scared about the future, of being in a lot of pain from arthritis and no solution, as mom is. I am.scared of running out of money, not because we have not diligently saved & sacrificed, by forgoing vacations, new cars,furniture, college for.kids, you name it we have lived frugally, yet I see so many others live beyond their means, have saved nothing & say they will just have the government pay their bills.....well that is bad news for thrifty people like me! Taxes will go up immensely to pay for all the subsidies for housing, food, medical,, cell phones, etc etc and finally the nursing home or.assisted living for all the folks who "lived it up" while.younger. I wish they could take a 50-year look back for all the senior's asking for SNAP, subsidized housing or Medicaid to pay their food, housing & medical bills. Government subsidies were Never Ever Meant to be a way of life.

PS...in terms of news articles, there was one in the Baltimore Sun this weekend about a coin (a penny) that fetched $1 mill. + Don't be so quick to write off "antiques" as a no-sale. It all depends on the article and the collectible audience out there. There are so many venues today besides going to an antique store to see if they will buy your goods. Again, just a mere Baltimore opinion, the Washington elite may have another.....

Ah, collectibles, I still say, while the "youth today" might not find nostalgia or importance, or sentimentality, they may still hold a value or worth. These can be sold to either help support a loved one, or support the caregiver retirement. Not all collectibles are 45 records. Some could be valuable antiques, but that is me not assuming that the handed-down "valuables" are "trash".

Last night my wife with Alzheimer's cried about what lies ahead for her and being a burden on me and family.so hard to know what to say as there is no hope for the better

I have tried to just say.. what ever is going to happen is...
Mom is just aging but I never want my daughter to have to thru what Im.
as the fulltime care take and no reserve income ( who knows when I will ever get back to a job.. and even then what?? I will have nothing.
when Mom dies the house we live in will have to be sold.. and then ??? what am I going to do.. I worry constantly .......

Hi Amy!
And to answer your question, I would have to say, "Yes". I am more than a little apprehensive when I consider my own future, as a caregiver and life-partner to my girlfriend, who is also permanently bedbound, and has been for the last seven years.
Teresa is a great joy in my life. As a widower with seven surviving children, all grown now, I have some experience, from a guy's view, in helping others. Teresa is an instructor and curriculum developer for Advanced Elementary Instruction in several of our nationwide schools. She is now legally blind and physically unable to transfer from her bed.
I am Teresa's only hope of staying out of a nursing home for the rest of her life. I am also an Honorably Discharged disabled American Veteran. I spent my time in the Air Force and now I'm in a wheelchair myself, doing the best I can in a position I was never trained for. Soon I'll be requiring services myself, and as we are both just over 60, things have changed for us inasmuch as the types and availability of programs to assist us. I see a terrible day ahead for us when we are split-up from each other, just so we can be assigned services...

I worry all the time...we don't have kids and I do not trust anyone in my family to care for us after seeing how much they don't care to help mom who has dementia.

I am currently taking care of my mom & dad. Dad is 76 & lives in TN with his wife. I handle his social security check for him because he can't handle money. I have been doing this since Dec 2013 when he nearly lost his home.

My mom is 74. Last summer I bought a condo for my mom in my complex. She does pay me rent but I do subsidize her taxes & association dues. Like my dad my mom only has her social security income & a little money from when she sold her townhouse.

I have a Hello Fresh subscription ($69/week) for which I pay. The subscription is for 3 dinners for two & we have dinner together 3 nights a week.

My sister & brother are ex-cons & drug addicts. So my parent's care falls to me. I don't begrudge this. I have never married & have no children. I have already decided to move to assisted living as soon as I begin to fail, maybe at 70. I have also decided to forgo all medical care after 85. Actually, just this week I was thinking that if I got some bad disease now, like cancer, if I would even seek treatment. I am 57.

It's very important to *plan* for the future, but not to live in it or fear it. Living in the future is the source of anxiety. I'm working on a class in mindfulness meditation, another for caregiver burnout -- and this is the situation I see, over and over: we forget to live in the now. By living in the past (regrets, guilt, shame) or in the future (fear, anxiety, worry), we allow precious moments of "right now" to pass us by. We only have what we have. No amount of money will really buy us a moment longer if that's not in the divine plan. The real shame is in not living today as fully as possible. The secret of staying young is to let go of our regrets and worries. Once we concentrate on right this moment we will feel this moment expand and the clock slows down. Enjoy today, this minute, this moment. What's right in front of you? What are you seeing, hearing, tasting, touching? There's so much joy to be had in releasing expectations and forgiving the past. Look for the humor in mistakes, and bless every moment.