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I'm a single Mom (35) with 13yr. & have been care giving/living with my mom for 7years. Its been seven years August. Their have been a lot of ups and downs. Mom had 2 very scary health scares a few yes back, and er docs told me she wasn't going to make it. Scared beyond words but I felt she would survive and thank god she did. I love my mom to pieces but sometimes I really miss having my own place. More space, and privacy. Yet I also feel guilty for wanting it because she needs me, and she quit driving 2yrs ago. I take care of most everything, except she takes care of herself well, and cleans some also. Just feel bit overwhelmed sometimes, but I know I'm in it for the long haul...any tips on how do handle it all? Or just a few encouraging words will be nice. also I am in awe of all some of you do daily, and all you've went thru with loved ones. Angels on earth, my friends......yes indeed.

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Some people have duplexes or mother-in-law apartments just for that very reason. Separate but together.
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Hi Kelly, Yes, you and your son deserve your own place. You have already made a tremendous sacrifice and I'm sure your mom is very appreciative. YOu and your son obviously have benefited from this loving relationship. BUT, you and your son do deserve some privacy and your son, the freedom to have friends over, hang out, etc especially as he enters his teen years. If he's involved in activities, sports -- having to be home and care for mom may curtail your ability to do these things.

Have an open conversation with mom and explain that you'd like to have your own space but still be close to her. Offer to move close by and additionally, consider mom's finances, any entitlement support, etc. that would allow you to hire help/assistance for mom a few hours each week. Meals on wheels since she doesn't drive; maybe you continue to have dinner most nights a week with her (at least at first), etc. Senior center bus to pick up mom daily and give her some outside activities and friends to look forward to everyday including lunch (there is usually a nominal $25/year to join).

Visit your local senior center and speak with the director to help you sort out some options for care and assistance for mom.

Be prepared that mom may be resistant and tearful since you have cared/lived together for so long; but try to make her understand that your son is getting older and soon off to college and you'd like to be able to give him "his own home" and alittle more privacy and that you hope she understands. You can always tell her that if it doesn't work out after awhile, you can both sit down again and re-consider.

Don't feel guilty. You are a good daughter and grandson and have provided a wonderful environment beneficial to both of you but you also deserve some privacy and happiness/independence at your age. Don't wake up at 50 and say "what now" or have any regrets that you missed the best years of your life?
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Hello Kelly ,I understand you want your own place There is nothing wrong with that I been feeling they same way Sounds like you deserve have your space Maybe you can get your own place to your mom You do alot for her And care gving takes alot out of you I take care of dementia patient It my sisiter motherlaw I thought when i move in with her I would be able to work But it has been hard to find a job And it turn it to a 24 7 it is stressful And i would like to have my own place I feel we caregivng sacfrices alot for love one I mixed emotions since this is a family member i'm taking care of So I know how your feeling about moving out God bless and good luck Carolyn
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Kelly, short answer, no of course not. Wishing you had your own place - or at least more space and privacy in your mom's - is totally normal. It does not mean you have to make that change right now if you don't think it best, AND it does not mean you are a bad daughter for wishing you could think of an easy way to do it without leaving your mom without care. Maybe there are some smaller things you can do to make your life better that you can pursue for now, especially if your daughter is thriving and happy with things the way they are.
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Kelly, your first responsibility is to your child. Your mom's alzheimer's is only going to continue to get worse and worse. This is really going to become impossible 24/7 big time at some point. 1/3 of caregivers die before the person they are caring for. You, your daughter and your mom don't need for you to become a statistic. Please look into some alternatives.
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Kelly you should not have to do this alone. Please contact your county office for the disabled. Your mom should be getting SSDI and possibly other benefits as well. She may be eligible to live in a group home with adults her own age. She could be eligible for transportation and a day program. Make the call.
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