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I've got a situation where my mother refuses all outside or paid help and wants only family to do things for her. There are a number of things family can't do her because of the people involved and distances, and a self-neglect situation is slowly building. I'm wondering when the apparently inevitable day comes when I call APS what will happen? How much legal control can they take over my mother's life and her home? I want her to get help or be forced to accept help (she sure won't listen to me!) but I fear her being railroaded or losing more independence than necessary. Will I be starting a process that could end badly? Please share your experiences with APS good and bad, thank you!

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Don't, under any circumstances, call adult protective services. They are awful. I don't know how to advise you to deal with your mother's problems, but APS will only make matters worse. I know, having cared for my aging parents until their deaths, and having a blind sister who needs in home care. APS can turn the normal aging process into a criminal charge, and I mean that. Do your best as a family to care for each other. Try to get a little help from neighbors. Be very careful who you let into your house My very best wishes to you.
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I had P0A first and twice my middle sister had my dad revoke my power of ATTORNEY and had him turn it over to her can she do this to me . he has some dementia I feel she took advantage of him what can I do? plus she will not allow him to speak to me . what are my rights she wont allow him to see me.
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An "anonymous" person (turned out to be my sister-in-law), called protective services for my parents. It was a godsend! They sent an investigator to their home, insisted on coming in and did an interview/inspection. He saw that my elderly mother needed help in several areas. She was the sole caregiver for my father who was a stroke survivor. They set her up with a housekeeper that came in twice a week, a bath aid for my dad (mom didn't need one) and a companion that would come in twice a week to help with errands, dr. appts., cooking, cleaning or just sitting and reminiscing. She would just take mom out shopping or movies or whatever to get her out of the house. They also set them up with meals. I cannot tell you what it meant to me (I live 250 miles away) just to know that someone was able to "put eyes on them" and make sure they were ok. If any of the helpers saw that things were not ok, they would report it to their case manager and she would get them help. They would send out a nurse or whatever the case may be. It was just such a positive experience for us. It definately enabled my parents to live independently, in their own home. Good luck to you!
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My family went thru this. Adult protective service sent us a letter and a copy of the law. The told us what was expected, Mom to have 24/7 care in home or facility and that each person was responsible and would be held liable if we did not put this in place. No discussion with APS just the letter of the law.
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I can't believe noone has answered you on this question. It happens all the time. I've just retired and I have the same concerns for my parents as well as my next door neighbor. Don't know all the answers yet, but I'll tell you about some recent activity. I went to call on my neighbor when she stopped coming out and her car stayed in same spot on driveway for days on end. Neighbor spoke of feeling weak, hungry, tired, dizzy. The inside of her home needed more than just a cleaning, the food in the fridge was beyond safe looking, and there were problems with plumbing. Called Elder Services who sent someone and then sent local police. Police tried to convince neighbor she needed to be seen by a doctor, but she would have no part of that. Police came to my door and asked if I thought I could convince her of need for medical attention. Although we'd only met a few times, she agreed if I would guarantee her a ride home. Went with her and they decided she needed blood; more than just a little, so kept her for a day or so. During that time Police told me they were recommending she would be unsafe back in her home, and I called a brother out of state. That was over a month ago. Neighbor came home a few days later. I never saw any relatives or visitors at the house, and I haven't seen any activity that looks like cleanup of minor or major. Basically, it looks as though she gets to call the shots on how much help or care she will get herself or accept from others. Call her local Senior Center and maybe there are volunteers who could go by and establish a positive working relationship. and good luck.
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Thank you all for your responses! I was really down when no one answered my posts and had given up, so I am so glad to see your responses. It is concerning to me that it seems experiences with APS run the gamut - it could be a godsend to call them or it could make things worse. No guarantees I guess. My mother would pass any competence test and she is a good "showtimer" so there's no way I would get guardianship at this point. If APS inspected her home though they would see the problems, but if she is forced to accept aid based on how her relationship has always been with me she will cut me out of her life in a New York minute. So if I do bring in outsiders it has to be completely necessary and the only option left. Someone above wrote about how she would "get over it" not this woman...she still holds grudges for when I hurt her feelings back when I was five years old. There are deep issues between us that existed long before she became elderly and they complicate things now. If there were any relative who she were willing to respect and listen to, any doctor, any clergy....well I'd be begging them to help right now. But there is no one and she is a force unto herself. And maybe that was okay when she could manage better, but I fear a showdown is coming.
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is she compentent, if not you can go to court and get power of attorney, that way you call the shots, she will be mad at first but will get over it, I am power of attorney and medical power of attorney for my mom, hope this helps
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I live in Oklahoma , Mother was a recent widow and just diag. with dementia. My brother swooped in took advantage of the sitiuation. He is alcoholic, unable to work,smoked like a chimmny (Mom has empyhsema). He and his wife became squaters. He took Mom to the bank to get my Mom to get money out of her account and the bank would call me ( I did have POA). I called APS several times ,they when out and ck'd things out, my brother put on a good show. APS told me my Mom would have to end up in dire strraights before any action could be taken she would have to be ill, injured or something. I end up getting an attorney,getting gaurdinship,eviction notice - to get my brother out and restrain order to keep him away from both my and I. So POA ,guardingship and my experience Drs. don't generally want to get involve although if u have POA u can get medical records. Good luck!
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I would suggest to you to stay away from Adult Protective Services, at least at this time. From my experiences, once they get involved, it is not going to be in your hands anymore. I think that you need to spend some time with your mother and explain where she is at in her life. You need to tell her that she took care of you, now it is time for you to help take care of her. You might want to read my posts about my father. lostfamily. You need to have the Power of Attorney, both medical and Durable, you need to let your mother know if the county or state get involved, she may not be able to make her own decisions, they can move her into a nursing home and use her money to pay for it. Does she have money to live on, get her to visit a Assistant Living Facility, is her Trust up to date, Use the financial issues to show her want can or can not happen if she does not except help. You need to explore options, a lot of parents move-in with there children, is that a option! You say she will not listen to you, I think you would be surprised how much work it takes to finally get a parent to listen, remember, they have not had to do anything that they wanted to do there whole life. Remind her that when you were her responsible, how hard a time she had making you listen to her. Get her involved in the next step of her life, make her understand that she needs to make the right decisions, and that you will work hard to make those things happen.
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2donewithcrying - could I clarify - if APS demands she have 24/7 care, but she is not demented and eligible for a conservatorship and thus cannot be forced to accept care, how did they expect you to get her into a facility against her will? You were supposed to pull a gun on her? Can they actually force you to take care of someone who abuses you? There is something drastically wrong if you can be forced to be abused .
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