As many know my dad died last year, a saint, but my mom is a nut case. Demanding, unappreciative, unrealistic about what I should be doing for her, etc. etc.
She moved into a senior apt (independent) but still has her home, which she did nothing to prepare it for a sale now expects me to help her, yet when I help, doesn't like it. My out of state brother cleared out tons of junk last May and she would not let us throw it away, and it is still there, and it IS junk.
Trying to keep this to the subject. I go there 2, perhaps 3 times a week. That is not enough for her even though the apartment has a van to provide rides to shopping malls, medical appts. etc. She does not like that. She wants me to drive her around
Still, plenty of do to help. Every time I go there, I resolve in my mind that no matter how nutty and insulting and frantic she gets, I will stay cool, calm and collected and not yell at her or treat her disrespectfully.
But she keeps at it, being frantic, intense, hurling insults of how little I do, saying how much her friends kids do, blah blah blah
Inevitably I blow up with raising my voice, expletives, etc. Then I go home not only feeling abused by her, but feeling mad at myself I cannot control myself, but its like shes almost not happy until I blow up.
At the same time, no matter what I do its not enough. Small thing but no matter when I choose to leave, even after eight hours of servitude, she asks if I cannot stay longer.
She is not pleasant to be with and I don't want to stay longer. Yet no matter how long I stay, its always, cant you stay longer. I never go home feeling like I did a good job for her.
Two issues: I know its on my to deal with the guilt. She can impose guilts on me all she wants and I have to learn not to accept it. But also, I wish I could keep control of myself, no matter how much she abuses me.
I read about this graystoning or grayrocking or whatever it is, not responding with any emotion but she does not like that. She keeps on me and on me until I blow up.