I am constantly having to talk to my mom about "you can not do this that or the other". It really bothers me and I feel bad after. Advice?

I know what you are saying. Guess what? It’s role reversal. It’s hard. We aren’t used to being a parent to them. We are used to being their child.

Now we must correct them or guide them in the right direction. It feels awkward. We feel like a nag. We get frustrated and tired. You are now in a caregiver’s world. We empathize.

This forum is a great place to vent. If you care to share more we are here to listen and make possible suggestions.

Best wishes to you.

Please give us more details, so we can provide better answers! Our loved ones each function on so many different levels that it's hard to give advice without specifics.

My husband (DH) has post-stroke cognitive deficits - which fluctuate. He is capable of a certain amount of learning and retention - BUT - his judgment sometimes goes astray, and he'll do things that endanger him.

My own go-to is to tell him, "Don't wreck yourself! We need to get you better, so that you CAN do (whatever it is) in the future!"

PLEASE NOTE: This is intended for a situation where a loved one *may* improve over time. With dementia, things will *not* improve.

Look at it from a different perspective:  why do you have to talk to her about what she can't do?   Put a better spin on it and approach the issue differently. 

One possible approach is to suggest to her that you can show her an alternative or safer way, begin helping her, then gently back off if she eventually learns the new method.    If dementia isn't involved, this is a good alternative approach, complimented by reinforcements.  

Then reward her with something she likes, healthy food, or just coffee, tea, hot cider.  Or bring out some flowers that you've already bought for her.  Play her favorite music.   Reward her, and creating bonding at a subconscious level.  

I don't know what types of actions your mother's taking that bother you; perhaps you could share that so responses can be more on point.  Specifically, have there been any diagnoses of dementia?

Whatever you do, any kind of corporal punishment or slapping is in my opinion totally out of line.

How old is your mom? Has she ever been given a cognitive test by her doctor? I would do this so you can understand what is happening to her. Also have her tested for a UTI. Blessings!

Your profile mentions nothing about Dementia. If Dementia is involved, telling her over and over will not get u anywhere. She forgets not long after u tell her. My Mom got like a child. I was doing something at the table with her and she kept touching something. Asked her not to touch it and she kept trying to. I smacked her fingers. Not hard but it surprised her and me too.

No doubt you are saying this because she might be doing something unwise. You don't describe much so it is a little hard to understand but I have had to do that with my mother who was making unwise financial choices. That is one example that tend to happen to the elderly. I would imagine you are trying to keep her safe in the manners you are suggesting.